constantly embarassed - anyone relate? - CHADD's Adult ADH...

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constantly embarassed - anyone relate?

humble-rasberry profile image

Today I went out for dinner and it took an hour before for someone told me that my tag was still on my shirt. I just cant stop thinking about how many people saw it and probably thought i was so stupid and i just feel really embarassed. the worst part is that it’s the second time its happened this month!!! I dont know why i forgot to cut the tags off but lately I’ve just been getting so overwhelmed and angry at myself for these small little messups that just make me feel so unhuman…. like why cant i do anything right and why is simply just existing so embarassing?! Just looking to hear from anyone that can relate so I stop being so angry at myself i guess :/

I even took my adderall today so i cant even blame not being on medication 🤦🏼‍♀️

22 Replies

Bless your heart, I know that feels. I once went to bankruptcy court with two different shoes on. Went to school in jr. high without my bra. Needless to say it was obvious. Got my desk dumped in the floor regularly in grade school because it was such a mess. So many things over the years before diagnosis that I beat myself up over. Being diagnosed at 57 has explained much and between understanding what’s going on and communicating with those close to me how my brain’s working at any given time I’ve learned not be so hard on myself. I just try to think that people who laugh at others’ mishaps that they don’t understand are pretty pitiful themselves.

I go through this all the time. I am always thinking about something I said and down and how embarrassing it was for me and what people must think of me because of it. I can give you two examples, the other day when I left a coffee shop I was sitting in I noticed that I had two different shoes on. To make this even more embarrassing there was this woman in the place that I liked and was trying to get up the nerve to ask her out (wishful thinking I know.) The second incident was at the same coffee shop I had my entire shirt on backwards and inside out and never noticed it. People must have thought that I was some kind of an idiot or something.

I feel like the universe plans these kind of things to humble us because i swear it always happens when I’ve just calmed myself down in an already overwhelming environment 😂

I can definitely relate to how you are feeling!!! Your NOT stupid!!! STOP telling yourself this...because it's NOT true and your mind will believe whatever you tell it to believe!!! You are NOT alone in this...and there are plenty of extremely intelligent people who have forgotten to remove tags from their clothing!!! It's OK... PLEASE have some compassion for yourself!!! Would you talk to a friend like the way you are talking to yourself??? What we choose to focus on magnifies!!! A lot of times...nobody even noticed your tag...and if they did...then it's OK!!! I know that if may feel like all eyes were on your tag...however, I doubt it because I'm sure that your tag is the least of anyone's concern!!! What about ALL of the positive things that you did???

humble-rasberry profile image
humble-rasberry in reply to B19B

I have to get better at showing more compassion to myself. When I get into holes its hard to dig myself up from them but your comment is a needed reminder that those thoughts serve little purpose in the grand scheme of things and we should be focusing on the positives. It always makes me wonder just what in our brains make it that we can be so mean to ourselves while never even daring of saying the same to others…

We're scatter brains, lets just accept that and laugh at it.

I actually think it's charming and a lot more genuinely human when I see someone in public in an embarrassing situation. It's so much easier to connect with someone over that than anything else. I've embraced that I do some silly stuff, and actually just call attention to it myself rather than attempting to hide it. Like "Haha I had my shirt on backwards all day I must have been half asleep this morning!" That way regardless of if someone noticed it first or not now it's in the open being addressed and you can have a laugh.

humble-rasberry profile image
humble-rasberry in reply to

I really appreciate your comment, it’s hard when it feels like the spotlight is on you but you’re so right that it’s these small things that just remind us we are human and its something we can all connect to. thank you

in reply to humble-rasberry

You're welcome! Sometimes it's helpful to get the perspective of someone who might be on the outside of the situation since it's hard to give yourself a break. Humility is a great trait though, and it takes time to change mentalities. Days that don't turn out well are normal too though! I just accept that sometimes I have to be in a lame mood until I can properly recharge.

ServiceSloth profile image
ServiceSloth in reply to

What a beautiful perspective on our humanity.

I just recently went to visit a friend. I took a flight and checked a bag. After a couple hour plane flight I landed and got off the plane and started walking to meet my friend. After I met my friend we started talking and ended up at a restaurant about 1/2 hour away from the airport. After about 15 minutes into our meal I got a call from the airport that I had not picked up my checked bag. WTF!

ServiceSloth profile image
ServiceSloth in reply to Rodster

Woah! While reading this thread I totally was tracking so when I got to the end I was thinking... wait what could have gone wrong!! Wait what?? I went back up and re-read it---amazing! I forgot about your bag and proceeded with meeting the friend as normal too! While READING!! Now THATS a WTF!!! These brains, yall!!

Hey, what a great thread of responses you started here Humble Raspberry! ☺️ I immediately flashed to 7th grade, when I showed up to school. I was such a good artist and got high marks in Art class. People were admiring my work. It was then that the high came crashing down when I realized I was wearing my shirt backwards. And it had the little front pocket on it!!! 😭 I am not sure if one of the popular girls who was terrible at art had to point it out to me, but I do know they didnt like me and destroyed one of my art pieces on purpose. While genius was being born, other pieces of social behavior were being eroded.

I love all of the contributions. I bet we could be the kind of people who kindly point it out to the stranger in the same boat. "Excuse me sir..." in a low whisper. They make movies about people like that. Helping others to save face.

This also reminds me of the time having the tag left on your baseball cap was a trend. Maybe a fashion guy with ADHD started it.

This is a delayed response, but i laughed at loud about the hat comment! I can totally imagine some guy hearing that his tag is still on and him going “Oh uhh…. fashion?”. I’m sorry to hear about the mean girls… some people are petty and don’t want to see others achieve which is a direct reflection on their own character! I hope you continued with art because the world needs more of it 😁

I sure did continue with it! 😃

Sooooo many things came to mind when I read this. I once worked out at my gym with my pants on inside out and a sock stuck to them! After walking home I remembered that I had driven to the gym and had to walk back to get my car! 🤣 🤣🤣You just have to laugh at yourself.

Wow!!!! Thank you laughing WITH you😅

Yeah, I've had that happen all the time ... and this will continue even after you get good treatment and improve your life ... occaisonally we'll jumb have a malfunctioning executive function ... and we'll do stuff like that ... you really do not have to worry about what other people think ... if that trips you up, then consider heading to therapy ... because with ADHD, you HAVE to learn to quickly forgive yourself--there can be no wiggle room here. If you stay in the critical mindset, it will undermine your life and your improvements.

So what that you had a tag on?! So the eff what?! Doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. I am a teacher. I once taught multiple classes with my shirt on inside out. I've worned mismatched shoes (partly because I have some favorite sneakers in different colors). I have worn mismatched socks all the time because of just losing one sock ... but that's now OK, with the advent of those super bright, playful socks ... I used to miss half my face when shaving ... because it took me so long to figure out that I needed a strong mirror and bright light to be able to see my face when shaving. (I have astigmatism that makes it hard for eyes to see without great light.)

I used to lock my keys in my car all the time before the electronic keys ... electronic keys was one of the best inventions of my life ...still I messed that up once by opening my trunk to take out groceries and foolishing placing my keys into the trunk and then closing the trunk. All the other doors were locked ... On and on ... and yet my life has seriously improved with treatment. I can get to places on time (or very close to it) ... I keep a planner ... I know now how much tedious work I can do and when doing it is too much ... At work, it's not unusual at all for me to post something online that is the wrong version ... I fix it ...

Hang in there! This stuff happens ... and good people, the kind of people you want in your life, do not care whatsoever. BTW: I really mean this--there is something about goofy stuff like this that softens people's hearts. In my younger years, I dated this absolutely gorgeous and well put together woman, who dressed flawlessly. She cracked up at the way I dressed, with nothing but gentle ribbing. Me wearing a shirt inside out communicated to her something about me. At the time I didn't know how much it communicated!!!!!

Thank you for your response! I find it hard with the emotional regulation part of adhd, when something happens I immedietly go into self criticism and want to dig myself in a hole and then a week later I’ll totally forget it even happened!! Just in the moment there is so much anger! Also any type of criticism I always want to accept, but in the moment I get so defensive and I was taking a lot of art classes in college which meant a lot of class critiques so I should be used to it by now but it never gets easier 😂

I really liked your point about the importance of self-forgiveness... and how getting stuck in self-criticism can undermine progress and life... a good reminder for me. Thank you. I worry about what people think of me - worry about them judging me... and I especially struggle with embarrassment when I can't meet expectations at work - but beating myself up about it probably doesn't help that much... I remember when I was in high school finding out I was wearing 2 different shoes or had had something on backward - once had one sock on and one sock off... (someone asked me if I had "one cold foot" - I had no clue I had done it...) I think it helps to learn to laugh at yourself if possible.... for me it makes for a fun/funny memory to look back on... for me the "not being good enough" at work (productivity) is what kills me...but I have to learn to give myself grace in that also... I think learning that ADHD is the likely reason makes me feel a little better - before I was afraid it was a character flaw that I couldn't seem to fix... at least having an explanation for why it is so hard helps.

I hear you! It's frustrating! I've been through the hanging tag thing a few times. Now I just cut the tags off as I'm pulling the clothes out of the shopping bag. I remember when my son was a baby, I had to keep constantly checking myself before leaving home to make sure I had on pants/skirt, shirt, shoes or else I'd end up at work missing a clothing item. I actually have check lists on the door to my garage that I go through each item and make sure that I have either done it or have it on me.

I totally feel that! I’m only 23, but I cannot imagine having a child to take care of as well because it feels like I can’t even take care of myself 😂 But I am sure you are an amazing parent and I hope to be too one day!! Checklist is a great idea!

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