HELP...I can not talk when my boss is angry with me!

[MrsKlco]

HELP...when my boss is angry with me (or I think she is angry with me). When my boss talks to me; I just can not listen to her, at times I can't even think, at the worst I can't talk. I have a very important job at a very small facility and I feel that because of my ADHD/anxiety is playing with me!! Let me give you an example, I was waiting to talk to a client at my office. My boss walked by and saw me and asked what I was doing and why....blablablabbblbllblbblbl....I COULD NOT ANSWER...I couldn't remember.

I left work and was half way home when I remembered the reason that I was waiting by my office (not doing anything!!)

Half way home...WTF...it is embarrassing and humiliating.

Please, am I the only only one?

*BTW I do have PTSD and there is much more to the story but just be honest with your response. O and please be nice!!

Thank you,

[iWasSunshine]

So sorry that happens to you!!

I experience something similar when my husband and I get into any kind of serious/heated discussion that goes on for more than about 10 minutes.

I’ve gotten to the point (whether it makes him mad or not) to calmly tell him that I didn’t hear the question or can’t remember it (even after he’s JUST SAID IT) so he has to repeat himself.

Super embarrassing.

Lol.

So, the only advice I have is to be honest with the person you’re interacting with. It’s hard though, especially when you think that the honest truth might make them mad!

Good luck!

[8TheGlen]

Does slowing everything down help? I mean ask the person to repeat the question? Why not, it gives you time to think of a reply and makes them think about what they have asked you?

[MrsKlco in reply to 8TheGlen]

Crazy...but she actually talks very slow and methodically that my mind is all over the place. Drives me CRZAZY!!

[Hidden]

The response of shutting down like you described is a negatively charged emotion hacking your prefrontal cortex and putting you into fight, flight or freeze mode. A therapist or coach can help you identify methods for short circuiting that process. Right off the bat, though, deep breathing is helpful for bringing oxygen back into the PFC and settling your response. A splash of cold water helps as well if you have time to do it. This could also be related to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. You are definitely not alone, this is a well documented response to stress!

[MrsKlco in reply to Hidden]

Holy smokes. Thanks. I’ll look that diagnosis up. Fortunately she knows I have ADHD and have been through trauma. Otherwise I think she’d fire me by now...not good ether way

Thank you again

[Hemi145]

I get like that too, I have anxiety, PTSD which is triggered by confrontation as I always think I have done something wrong. I use sticky notes, and it will help if you tell her that you have ADHD and just sit down and talk with her. Whenever I interview for a job Im am very upfront with them and just let them know, "Hey I can do this job, I just have a few qwuirks and sometimes I have to do things a certain way in order to do my job efficiently." I have not had any figures of authority have an issue with that and they normally just let me do what i need to to get the job done. People are more understanding than you think.

[MrsKlco]

I will try that. Thank you!!

[SuccessBecomesHer]

Hi! Allow yourself to slow down the panicked “what if” thinking. Take a breath. Say “give me a minute”. Try to give yourself space and grace to collect yourself.

The fantasy that you’re “busted” or were caught “messing up” is just that. It sounds like you were doing your job and, in all truth, had nothing to stress about.

It’s no fun. Hang in there, sister!

[MrsKlco]

Thank you...recently I have gotten good support from my co-workers. We are all familiatr with "the boss lady" craziness. But thank you for responding. Hope we can keep in touch.

[MrsKlco]

disregard ...familiar