school/parent/everything help?

[musismanza]

hi, my story is pretty much in my bio. but im a 19 year old girl in college, oldest of my siblings. I'm currently going into my second year of school and it's extremely difficult. i expressed interest of wanting to get diagnosed with adhd since i was a child but my parents have always brushed it off as me being prepubescent and an attention seeker. same with anxiety. i expressed that i wanted to get help for anxiety and possibly support but i was only met with yelling and anger. since then i completely shut them out on everything and anything mental illness/health related. all while my little brothers have been getting all the support and help they need. my youngest brother is getting/got his autism diagnosis while my other brother had gotten my parent's support when he expressed that he was depressed and had suicidal thoughts. all while i just had to watch and cry myself to sleep every night because i wish i could have gotten that support when i was younger. i was previously diagnosed with adhd when i was five and doctors wanted to put me on medication and also wanted to get me evaluated for autism but my parents didn't like that (i don't blame them, they were super young at the time and were probably scared) and they didn't tell me any of this until i was in high school. this entire time i thought i was just that weird kid that everyone made fun of, always blurting out stuff to friends but always super polite and nice to teachers in fear that they wouldn't like me anymore. always the kid that was a little too obsessed with my little pony or that one extremely niche tv show that only lasted a season and a half. i didn't really feel confident in my adhd possible diagnosis or even the possibility of me having adhd until i met a few online friends who were in the same situation i was. begged their parents to get them diagnosed and they did. but I'm stuck with doing all this on my own because i don't want to skew my parent's image of me and who i am. I've been struggling in school since 8th grade because it kept getting harder and harder and my parents pushed it off as laziness and such. but i think distractions became too much and hyperfixations became unbearable to not focus on. now, I'm in my second year of college, completely tanked my first semester because of the pandemic and online schooling plus college IS super hard. my parents don't even know I'm struggling so heavily in school and it's been stressing me out. i lost half of my scholarship and it's all due by October. i want to get it appealed but i can't do that unless i have a reason ON PAPER written by a PHYSICIAN but it's impossible with the way my parents treat mental illness. i can't get an official diagnosis from my school because it's costly and i don't know how to drive so it's hard to get anywhere to get diagnosed. i just need help.

[Jjflash]

Hi there,im sorry for the difficult position youre in.I always think adhd type symptoms are difficult for non believers to accept.Its not visible,but its a magnet for all types of mental health issues.Do you have a family member who you can trust,hopefully an older person that you can talk to in private.Someone who will listen to you and will possibly suggest an alternative way.Im not sure if you could possibly get registered with 1 of your friends' gp and go from there.For people who don't understand this,it will probably look like you've slackened off but you're probably trying harder now and feel like you're going backwards.Im guessing you live in the States,do you have a councilling type place in your town to get advice,maybe speak to a teacher in confidence cos they should have picked up some signals from you.Dont take this whole thing on on your own,persevere and allow someone to take some pressure off yourself.Keep searching for that help ok.Good luck.

[musismanza in reply to Jjflash]

i would but i don’t really trust any members of my family to not tell my parents, they’re all pretty gossipy and growing up in a latino household, if something is wrong with you, everyone knows about it. i also don’t have any friends to take me so that part is extremely difficult. i wanna get it done soon as my health insurance will get taken away soon.

[Jjflash in reply to musismanza]

Its difficult ain't it.These are your critical years and you do need some outside help.I know where you're coming from about family,there has to be an independent close by who will respect your wishes and not go blabbing.You sound so alone,but there will be so many out there in the same position where no one understands.I don't know how your health insurance system works but there has to be organisations/groups in your area where you can get some kind of introduction.I bet you,you speak to someone who has never met you in the profession who will be all ears and they'll be able to guide you further.Or a college tutor in confidence.If you only trust 1 outsider that has your back,half of the pressure youre under will be eased.A councillor or someone.Try every angle you can think of,in the meantime,get into meditation/wellbeing apps to bring you some inner calm.Keep updating ok,people who know what you're going thru should be so willing to help lessen your burden.All the best for the mo,and keep messaging ok.

[99centss]

Don't explore just one option, explore many (one at a time, but don't get overwhelmed).

Just some naive ideas:

Read this: chadd.org/attention-article...

Talk to your academic adviser and/or counselor about the dilemma. Ask what resources are available, both financially and otherwise.

Walk into the student health center and ask for an appointment, today if possible. Set 3 or more reminders for the appointment. Ask about resources.

Make a list of people you know back home who might keep confidences: teachers, friends, church groups, etc. Reach out to them for help.

Talk to more than one doctor/professional: See if you can get into a regular doctor, alone. Ask to talk in confidence, and tell the doctor (even your at-home family GP). If they brush you off, it's fine. Just seek a second opinion elsewhere.

Talk to past (and current?) teachers in college and and from high school (who will keep confidences). Ask for written statements describing your possible ADHD behaviors, and for how to find resources.

Reach out to friends and ask for help scheduling and contacting people, and for encouragement.

[musismanza in reply to 99centss]

I've tried a lot of these options and I think the best one for me as of right now is to get an online diagnosis however, I can't afford that as most of them are over 100 dollars for their services. I can't drive so it's nearly impossible to get to my school campus since it's 45 minutes away by car, I've also contacted their student services and they were NO help. I asked if they could provide any resources and they said that they couldn't help a student out in my situation as they don't believe it's possible for me to get stuck in a situation like this. I also don't have any friends that can support me, my coworkers dislike me and my family don't care about mental health as much as they pretend that they do. I just want someone to talk to about all this and it's frustrating because if I just had money or a support system none of these things would be an issue. I wish I knew what to do.