Guilt Around Not Being Able to Help Aging Parents

[ServiceSloth]

Hey everyone. Thanks in advance for your kind responses. My parents are getting on in age and compared to my sister, I'm hardly able to step in and provide help. My earnings are not where they should be, my housing situation is nearing homeless, and my lack of speed, effectiveness and luck with a job search is causing me to become more of an albatross and deadweight as they decline.

My sister has taken them both under her roof during the lockdown, and she, my brother in law, and nephews are stepping up to provide for all of their care, w food, shelter, safe warm place, medications, nurse care (I can't help cover $25/hr private care).... all I was able to do was bounce in for 2 days, cheer everyone up, hold up a few photos from our past and be on my way because a 2 day stay in town was all I could afford.

I feel a bit cursed, that I'm taking so long wrapping up my parents house for sale in a different state, but it's a huge house, and tasks are overwhelming, hurricane season is coming...but I've felt safe with the roof over my head, and peace and quiet doing my freelance work that pays me just enough to cover my own needs, during this last precious time here. However, now I am feeling like the reason we haven't listed it during the seller's market - because I"m taking too long (in truth, the roof still needs repairs and the roofer won't come with inclement weather).

It's all starting to really dawn on me how this snail's pace life and always feeling behind and helpless is going to haunt me when they either pass without being able to benefit from the sale of the house funds, or they pass and I'm not around because I wasn't able to afford being closeby. (My sister won't allow me and my support animal to live with them. He sheds.)

SIGH. Thanks for reading. I guess I'm looking for someone to tell me that I can only do the best I can with what brain I've been given. I wish I was normal, and normal jobs and salaries came easily to me.

[Pollyanna444]

there's nothing wrong with you and there never was!!

[ServiceSloth in reply to Pollyanna444]

Thank you Pollyanna444!

[Love-cats]

I know this is a very difficult situation, but try not to beat yourself up. You DO have a role here and it’s to be there for your parents for emotional support when able. I’m sure you do defer disempowered due to your financial situation.You are also serving an important role in selling their house.

I understand it needs a new roof, however (like you said) it IS a seller’s market. Have you ever heard of “selling as is?” You don’t get quite as much money, but it relieves you if the burden of replacing the roof.

Believe me, many of us have challenged with “normal” jobs and it IS frustrating!

Just figure out your place and try and get a job there. The GOOD news is the economy is EXPLODING with all types of jobs right now. Even though the pay may not be what you want it’s more than $0 which is apparently what you’re making right now.

Hope this helps!

[ServiceSloth in reply to Love-cats]

Thank you so much Love-Cats! The whole process for me is done. I renewed my skill in copywriting as I was able to successfully attract buyers to their big furniture items, and speed cleaned their home a few times. I was a project manager balancing all the contractors. While it feels like a far off victory now that the house is finally for sale, Im now face to face with them and seeing how my sister is in a panic over what she can no longer do for them. People do seem to carry resentments over me for that. The only thing to do is what you say -- keep going after that good paying job. Thank you so much for your support!!

[Aviarie]

Try Wellbutrin three weeks to build up.

[Aviarie in reply to Aviarie]

My mother died my crappy psychiatrist neurologist brother vlaim he knew Aspies but didn't tried to get me Divorced and end my life.luvkily my spouse didn't fall for my brothers giving me gad and ptsd as she took four courses in psychology! **offensive language removed by HU**