Hey everyone. Thanks in advance for your kind responses. My parents are getting on in age and compared to my sister, I'm hardly able to step in and provide help. My earnings are not where they should be, my housing situation is nearing homeless, and my lack of speed, effectiveness and luck with a job search is causing me to become more of an albatross and deadweight as they decline.
My sister has taken them both under her roof during the lockdown, and she, my brother in law, and nephews are stepping up to provide for all of their care, w food, shelter, safe warm place, medications, nurse care (I can't help cover $25/hr private care).... all I was able to do was bounce in for 2 days, cheer everyone up, hold up a few photos from our past and be on my way because a 2 day stay in town was all I could afford.
I feel a bit cursed, that I'm taking so long wrapping up my parents house for sale in a different state, but it's a huge house, and tasks are overwhelming, hurricane season is coming...but I've felt safe with the roof over my head, and peace and quiet doing my freelance work that pays me just enough to cover my own needs, during this last precious time here. However, now I am feeling like the reason we haven't listed it during the seller's market - because I"m taking too long (in truth, the roof still needs repairs and the roofer won't come with inclement weather).
It's all starting to really dawn on me how this snail's pace life and always feeling behind and helpless is going to haunt me when they either pass without being able to benefit from the sale of the house funds, or they pass and I'm not around because I wasn't able to afford being closeby. (My sister won't allow me and my support animal to live with them. He sheds.)
SIGH. Thanks for reading. I guess I'm looking for someone to tell me that I can only do the best I can with what brain I've been given. I wish I was normal, and normal jobs and salaries came easily to me.