The therapist with ADHD v. The ADHD therapist

[applejack123]

I've often been disappointed by therapists/counselors who specialize in ADHD and also have ADHD. On one hand, it's nice to know that the person helping you understands the struggle in depth, but on the other I've often found that the having ADHD seems to be mutually exclusive from being able to effectively treat ADHD.

[Birdwatcher19]

In what way have they come up short for you? I’m curious since I am a therapist with ADHD. I work with kids, not adults, and I’m not a specialist, but many of my clients do have ADHD.

[applejack123 in reply to Birdwatcher19]

In 2019 I did a fairly expensive 10 week online ADHD organizational bootcamp/accountability group that was lead by an MSW who has ADHD. The program was very disorganized. The curriculum was inconsistent, the tools were all over the place and it genuinely felt like it was designed by someone with ADHD (in a bad way). I discovered, also, that online groups are NOT for me either way as it's too easy to get distracted.

In 2016 I had a private ADHD coach who was the leader of a local CHADD group and, again, found the help disorganized. I needed help getting tasks prioritized and having consistent accountability from week to week, but I would have to remind him that we needed to review weekly progress and hoped he would reinforce a consistent methodology; no such luck.

About 15 years ago (early in my diagnosis) I saw an ADHD specialist with ADHD, who was very nice, but would often lose eye contact during conversations and glance out the window. I also got the impression that it was more important for him to be liked than to address concerns. (People pleasing is something I too have long struggled with, which I suspect might be related to rejection sensitivity and avoidance)

I wonder if people with ADHD might be better suited to the therapy component of treatment as opposed to coaching/organizational support?

I feel like I'm paying the ADHD tax each time I try to get help and am disappointed and I've grown increasingly reluctant to pursue support.

[Birdwatcher19 in reply to applejack123]

Yes, I had a similar experience with an ADHD coach in terms of the lack of consistent accountability. However, she did help me to understand my ADHD in ways that my therapist, who did not have ADHD, could not. So it was a mixed bag for me.

[applejack123 in reply to Birdwatcher19]

You got something out of it so that's good.

[Hidden in reply to applejack123]

Hi, I've had similar experiences with three therapists and my current neurologist who I see in a quasi-coaching role during monthly medication check-ins. When initially diagnosed 2 years ago, I appreciated the empathy and nonjudgement. But now I need structure amd help with prioritizing, yet I'm the one suggesting a more systematic tracking process.

[applejack123 in reply to Hidden]

Same. I just wonder whether the structural/organizational help is better done by someone w/o adhd.

[Hidden in reply to applejack123]

I think it is

[AATResources in reply to applejack123]

I think it depends, and is about finding the right fit for you in a coach and/or a therapist. I am a therapist with ADHD, who takes a more "coachy" approach to my work, so I can only say that my approach is tailored to each client's needs, and that you may need to "shop around" until you find the right fit - kind of like dating!

[RollingThunder]

Hi applejack,Maybe not mutually exclusive but problematic! Hey, my therapist has Bipolar Disorder. I do not think one is ever going to find a therapist without “issues“, that is why they go into the field to solve their own issues. Hmmm, now which would be the best “issue” to Have to help ADHDers? OCD, Possibly?

The thing is you have to really figure out is what works best for you. One of the problems “We” have is with sticking to a regimen. I made a daily calendar That outlines all I have to do during the day to have a good ADD day. Getting out of bed same time everyday, same time each day for Exercise, Breakfast, lunch and dinner, vitamins, medications, completing 2 major “TO DOS” Like paying bills, reading your cars’ maintenance manual to correct the signal problem that has been going on for a month! After you have successfully completed a good ADD day you can play at anything you want for as long as you want until it is time for you to go to bed, as I write I have 35 minutes until lights out.

Sounds incredibly boring and tedious, yup such is life. The playtimes are what makes it all worth it, plus I get to buy some new shoes as a present for a good ADD day! Remember what it was like to have nothing done, whiled away the day, worked on a new exciting project for 8 hours and now no dinner and it is time to go to bed! What is better bored for half a day or Chaos?

Hugs 🤗

[F_RN_Dx_at_39 in reply to RollingThunder]

The nurse practitioner who diagnosed me also has ADHD. I have not been an easy one to find the right med for. Things were working okay but I just had to stop my meds last Tuesday due to raynaunds exacerbation and neuropathy from Adderall. I wrote him Tuesday a week ago and have still heard nothing. He's not inquisitive and does not seem to be an outside of the box thinker. Feeling frustrated and have an appointment with a new practitioner for midMarch.He also doesn't make a lot of eye contact and just feels like my pill guy.

[applejack123 in reply to F_RN_Dx_at_39]

I'm sorry to hear that. Is he a psychiatric nurse practitioner? Have you considered bringing that up with him?

I too have been under the care of a Psych. Nurse Practitioner for about 5-6 years and while she was very helpful in initially prescribing Vyvanse, I'm definitely in need of tweaking and she doesn't seem to have a lot of experience or ideas beyond that.

Why can't there be some kind of central database that practitioners can use to compile and cross reference patient type with meds and outcome so there's some consistency across the profession? You can get 5 different med courses from 5 different practitioners the way things are.

[F_RN_Dx_at_39 in reply to applejack123]

I haven't tried. Even had a session where I felt I was helping him release some stress.I don't think he's a good fit for me. He at least got me started.

[applejack123 in reply to F_RN_Dx_at_39]

Sort of an unrelated note. It was very difficult for me to develop this skill because I experience pretty bad Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, but part of therapy I've found, is developing the ability to tell a therapist when you don't like something they're doing or you wish they would do differently. They'll either appreciate the fact that it was hard for you to do and be willing to improve or they'll get defensive. I think it's then that you know whether you have a good therapist or not. Everyone has their flaws.

[F_RN_Dx_at_39 in reply to applejack123]

That was an excellent answer. Thank you. I talk with him in 1.5 weeks. I'll keep your advice in mind. Thank you. I probably have some of that going as well.

[applejack123 in reply to F_RN_Dx_at_39]

Interested to hear how it goes.

[F_RN_Dx_at_39 in reply to applejack123]

Well I actually got to talk with him this morning. we had a lot of ground to cover so I didn't really have a chance to talk with him about our relationship, but I did push him and challenge him on some things. He tried to discount a side effect that I think I'm having from Adderall that could potentially disfigure me and then started showing me a wound on his finger. As a healthcare professional myself, that was totally not professional. It just doesn't feel worth it for me to go over it with him, but at least I got to talk with him about where I'm at and he's trying me on a new med that is not a stimulant.

[woolfarmer]

I'm sorry you've had some negative experiences with treatment providers who have ADHD. I think it really depends on the person providing the service. I also think it's a generalization that anyone with ADHD is disorganized, people pleasing, etc. Perhaps finding a provider who has ADHD, has learned to manage it effectively, and has a positive track record helping others is the best approach? Some of us have worked really hard overcoming our ADHD by mastering systems, strategies, structure, understanding ADHD from all sides, and supporting those who experience it. I am an ADHD coach but also a former classroom teacher, administrator, and working on my second graduate degree in mental health counseling, so that I can specialize in providing both ADHD coaching and therapy. I have found there is a lack of providers who really get it and I am skeptical that a provider without ADHD can be truly effective in the way I need them to be. I also am a parent to a teen with ADHD. Being a teacher, director, and parent demanded I figure it all out and I am extremely organized, motivated, and client focused. (Not the case in high school however!) Personally, I seek out providers who DO have ADHD because you can not replace that lived experience with book knowledge.

[applejack123 in reply to woolfarmer]

While I agree that having adhd might likely give one unique insight, my experience has been that that insight doesn't always translate into a greater ability to help others who struggle. There are more than just two types of coach background (ie those w/ and w/o adhd): coaches with immediate adhd family members (eg child/spouse) tend to have pretty good insight that isn't limited to just "book knowledge".

I apologize if you felt I was denigrating you or your abilities, but that doesn't change what my experience has been; apparently the experience of others too.

[woolfarmer]

No apologies needed. I hear your frustration! In my experience, folks with adhd struggle to get coherent and adequate treatment, period - so you are not alone there. And I agree with you that insight does not equal ability. Likewise, not having adhd does not equal ability to treat it effectively either. If you aspire to be more neurotypical, it might make sense to find a provider without adhd. They may likely see it through that lens (but they could also be influenced by neuroablist ideas. That has certainly been my experience!). If you aim to work with your adhd, accepting and embracing the gifts and unique perspectives that go along with it, you might have better outcomes with an *effective for you* provider with adhd. In any event, I hope you get the help and support you deserve. Best wishes!

[BlueDaydreamer]

My therapist has ADHD and she has been very helpful to me. Sometimes I will come to her with questions or concerns that I want to talk to her about, but I have always found that necessary, including with therapists who do NOT have ADHD. I have a bachelor's degree in psychology. I have been thinking about either going to grad school to become an LPC(Licensed Professional Counselor) and then getting certified in play therapy so I can work with children. Actually, my counselor often works with children but she also has experience with adults. I have considered specializing in ADHD. My other possible future career was as an ADHD coach. I love working with kids, but find it difficult working in a classroom, so this was my other option. A I have found that having been through things, I have a heart for people who are going through something similar in their lives. I know everyone experiences ADHD differently, but the more I have read about it, the more I felt like people need someone who understands them. I have been asking my counselor a lot of questions about whether this, or that would prevent me from being a good counselor. Also, the woman who wrote Women with Attention Deficit Disorder wrote a very good, and well organized boook and offers therapy to people with ADHD or their family members. So, while I am not negating your experience and the people who have replied here, I am saying my experience has been the opposite. My best therapist has been my therapist with ADHD. And that is partly why I wanted to go into counseling. Because I have experienced people not being supportive or hopeful that I would be able to flourish or accomplish my goals who didn't have ADHD. But seeing what she has accomplished, and other people, like the man who had ADHD who was one oft he coauthor of Driven to Distraction, or Sari Solden, the author of the book I mentioned earlier, makes me hopeful. I am sorry you have been disappointed with the coaches you have utilitized who had ADHD. And that others have been disappointed with therapists or the nurse practitioner that had ADHD. I know that would probably lead me to a different conclusion from the one I have come to based on my experience, that a therapist with ADHD can be very insightful and understanding, and help me to make progress while being a role model at the same time. And I'm not interested in being a counselor just because of her- my real father was a psychologist, and I loved psychology classes. Take care!

[Betsy74]

Reading this thread it feels like potentially an expectation issue around what a coach should do. Coaches will not tell you what to do and give you the structures to use, the skilled coach actually says little in a session the will push you to talk and come up with the solutions you need, whilst guiding you as appropriate. It’s a weird one to get your head round initially but that’s how coaching works be it adhd focused, executive coaching etc. Being coached is hard work but being guided to create own tailored solutions is sustainable.