Has anyone else with ADHD been accused of/called gullible? I've been pretty gullible all my life. Not in a "fall for a pyramid scheme" type of way, but I do tend to believe what people tell me on the surface at first, even if it's a bit outlandish.
I think this might have to do with my ADHD in some way. Maybe because I grew up not trusting my own senses? Having a horrible memory. Who am I to judge if someone is making something up, if I've guessed wrong on so many things or forgotten so many things in the past?
There could be no connection between ADHD and gullibility, but I thought I'd put it out there.
*** UPDATE - 7/15/2023
I've figured out that I'm Autistic. Autism has gullibility as one of it's core symptoms, and I have tons of other Autism symptoms as well, so I'm going to get assessed soon, so I can get a diagnosis. I'm sure my ADHD causes some of the gullibility, from pure fear of being wrong, or that I'd forgotten something, but it feels like most of it is Autism.
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I have several close friends with ADHD that are the same way. They are educated and experienced in life. For the most part they have believed what people told them most of their lives.
I don't remember being accused or called gullible, but when I read it, esp the title, I thought-yeah that's me. And when I think about this, I do feel this way. But I believe mine is co-dependancy.
Not trusting my own senses? YES. Often I don't think something over 1st before acting on it (I should be responding instead of reacting. Or just listen and empathize with them over their situation). I'll take on other peoples problems and then the need to 'fix' their problems. I've never heard of being gullible or co-codependent being an ADHD thing. After thinking about this, the word gullible doesn't really relate to me, but it was a word I would have used to describe myself. But we'll find out from other replies. Or maybe someone will reply that has me look at this another way. Thanks for the Post.
I feel like co-dependency runs rampant in families with poor emotional awareness or emotional intelligence. My family was very codependent because of drugs and emotional issues and all of us having ADHD, rejection sensitivity and emotional dysregulation. I feel like it's all interconnected. You definitely can have codependency without ADHD or drug addiction, but those things don't help.
I am trying to pull apart what about me is ADHD related vs. what is not, and so far, apparently, I'm not all that unique lol, because so many weird things I thought and did in my childhood and throughout my life now connect to ADHD symptoms. Thanks for your thoughts!
One of the fascinating aspects of first being diagnosed is realizing just how many traits, behaviors and preferences that you thought were independently chosen parts of your personality are actually biochemistry - the ADHD. It is a bit eerie at first to meet your tribe and see so many people with the same quirks as you. Not identical, we vary, but . . .
Yes! This has also been amazing for me too. Like instantly having hundreds of thousands of siblings to talk to!! I very much like other ADHD people, and have mostly ended up dating other ADHD people my whole romantic life (this was hammered home recently by an ex and still a dear friend realizing that he also has it). So many quirks or strange ways of behaving, or emotional issues I thought were due to astrology, or anxiety, or what have you really has just been ADHD all along. It's reassuring and validating and has been all around a very positive experience. Suddenly, I'm no longer a failure for no reason. I'm a failure because I never learned how to manage the parts of my brain that are chemically imbalanced due to something completely beyond my control. I have gotten more done, and forgotten less in the past month than in the past 46 years and it's been wonderful!
In my family, poor emotional awareness-Yes. As for emotional intelligence, it would have to be close to zero. I tell the truth on this website, and usually cathartic. Or I want to let others know that are are not alone. But sometimes, it still bothers me. I’m embarrassed? I’m betraying my family? Old memories come back (oh, yeah.) As I tell others ’the Truth hurts’. At times, for all of us. I’m guessing what mood I’m in is part of it. After all these years, it’s still a kick in the stomach.
I absolutely understand. My mother and older sister, who were really my caregivers growing up as my dad died when I was 7, both had raging cases of ADHD. Both were drug addicts. Impulsive. Distracted. Rash. Both had flashes of anger that were very hard to control. They both would zone out when you talked to them and were hard to keep focused. Neither were ever diagnosed. They both passed away recently. My sister in 2020 in her early 50s from a drug overdose. She'd been a hard core drug user her entire adult life, and I believe that this was a self stimulation/self medication that wouldn't have happened if she'd been given stimulants as a kid.
My mom has a similar story. Lots of drugs her whole life. Lots of risky behaviors like shoplifting, cleptomania. She died of an infection, but chain smoked, did drugs/smoked weed/self medicated her whole life too.
ADHD basically destroyed my family because it went undiagnosed until now. It's been rough coming to that realization. My twin brother is now looking into his oldest daughter and himself having it. A cousin just got diagnosed. My uncles and brothers and I are all starting conversations around this so that we're the last generation who doesn't know what ADHD is.
I could be totally wrong here but I personally have more levity than most people know. I think that many people with ADHD develop a level of resiliency that keeps them trying to see the positive in the world around them (because they have had to keep an incredibly positive outlook to survive their inner world/dialogue). I also think that it has to do with a lack of trust in our own instincts. We may get that creepy feeling about someone but we ignore it because we have been so wrong before when we thought we were on point. My last comment here would be that our level of attention may not sustain long enough to pick up red flags in the body language of those around us (that neurotypicals would normally notice right away). Perhaps the main thing here would be to be aware that there is a possibility you are gullable. Don't be paranoid but knowing you may have a predisposition to trust to a fault means you may just reach out to a trusted friend before trusting someone who is new to your life. See what they think. No harm in that.
I so want to believe the best in people! I know that's a good trait, but it causes lots of hurt along the way. And if you've never learned how to trust your gut (most likely due to lack of self-esteem & poor decision-making skills in childhood), it makes things more challenging.
I have had this view of the world since childhood how it's supposed to be which has nothing to do with reality. Less now obviously but the tendency is still there and I still have strong related principles. I recall complaining to my mother about the role of personal connections in other people getting the better jobs through their parents; I was perhaps 20 and my mother replied laconically that if I wanted to change the world I had to become a politician not a doctor. There's my gullibility. I could imagine this often cited sense of justice in ADHD - which has to do with a strong, perhaps a bit black and white and wishful perspective on how things are supposed to happen - if indeed linked to something congenital - could prime one for being a bit gullible. Perhaps this leaning is a reaction to your environment responding to your ADHD, or the consequence of something else, who knows? I don't particularly like the word gullible, the opposite being cynical which is what one is at risk of becoming having learnt one's lesson in life. I'm already there quite a bit. Stay gullible and empathetic. It's the nicer company. Anyway, fascinating topic so thanks for opening it up :^)
Hi! Once or twice. "Naive" came up more often, because I do tend to trust others. I always looked outward for answers because within was too much confusion. That all changed with my diagnosis; I can trust myself more and be more discerning about others. But honestly, I wouldn't want to change that about myself, as it contributes to my mostly positive attitude which people like.
very interesting. I am awaiting adhd diagnosis but I relate very much. I have always kept a very positive outlook on life and those I come into contact with. Very trusting and believing. Had many a codependent relationship with addictions and emotional regulation issues. Have learned to live lift more removed from hustle and bustle to be able to process the world around me. Thank you for the insight.
I can totally relate to what you said. For most of my life, I trusted other people more than my own mind and my own perception.
Add to that my naturally trusting nature, and I found myself getting taken advantage of if someone else didn't look out for my best interests. (Fortunately for me, I did have plenty of good people in my life help guide me and even protect me at key moments in my life. But that only made me distrust my own judgement more.)
A few years back, a really bad job situation, and getting thoroughly screwed over by people I thought I could trust, forced me to develop a healthy amount of skepticism. The anxiety from that time led me to my ADHD diagnosis, so at least I have that to be grateful for.
My medication has improved my mental processing so much that I don't doubt my own mind very much anymore. I still do sometimes, maybe out of reflex. I do still have an overly trusting nature, but that's part of my personality...I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, but now with just a hint of skepticism on the side. (Though when it comes to my kids, I'm overly protective, only moderately trusting of others, and have a bit more skepticism about people and situations.)
and although it's clearly contested as pseudoscience I found it absolutely fascinating in how it mirrors my personality traits. Uncanny! I'm a classic type 8.
oh wow! My cousin just got diagnosed with ASD and ADHD last winter. We think it runs in the family, but the signs and symptoms never felt right to me, and often were easily explained by ADHD. But we'll see.. Thanks for explaining.
hahaha I am totally autistic. Did a lot of research, and the literal mindedness and gullibility are only two of my many ASD symptoms. I've dated a lot and consider myself pretty socially adept, but wow, my extreme love of routines, my freak outs/meltdowns when those routines are disrupted, my sensory issues, my social anxiety and my bluntness all pointed to ASD. Pursuing a diagnoses now. Thank you for the info!
I've definitely felt that way, and have a marked tendency to take things very literally. Sometimes I don't get jokes because I instinctively respond as if the person means what they're saying.
I wonder if it's anything to do with impulsivity, in the sense that my brain just goes to the first interpretation in the box, accepts it and moves on without further consideration. The amount of bizarre decisions I've made like this; like I come back to it later and think well wtf was I thinking there? I guess the same is probably happening when I just instantly take things at face value, or indeed get totally the wrong idea of what someone means and then run with it (also embarrassing!)...
yes! Especially as a child which made me a fun target of others in school. I was evaluated as a child in the 80’s but (I think since I was a female) they said I did not have ADHD. Strange, since I had a hard time sitting in my seat and was often in the desk outside the classroom. I am also on the spectrum. Autistic people can be very literal.
I'm also Autistic and, though I'm not diagnosed, I have a strong suspicion that I have ADHD (it really would explain so much, that Autism alone can't fully explain).
I think for me, I believe people easily, as due to Neuro-divergence being an invisible disability (and still not well understood), I know what it's like to be misunderstood and, essentially, not believed. I know how hurtful it is especially when I've needed to be believed and understood.
So, I don't want to risk making other people feel this way by responding with skepticism. Because of this, I try to keep an open mind, take them seriously and accept what they say on the surface level.
Even if what they say doesn't sound right, I'll give the person the benefit of the doubt. I'll assume that I either missed something, or that they made a genuine mistake and that they themself believe (even if it's factually untrue) what they're saying.
I guess I operate on the basis of innocent until proven guilty. I'll begin to suspect something is off when there are inconsistencies (e.g. if they say something and contradict themself on this topic later, then, logically, I know they must've lied).
It's hard to this catch inconsistency straight away though. There's so much competing for my attention - so much space is already taken up in my brain. And, like other people have said, we can doubt our memory or perception. So it will take longer for me to realise this than it probably would for a neuro-typical person on the recieving end. Even once I've realised this, knowing what to do next or how to get out of the situation where I'm taken advantage of can be uncertain and scary.
If I can, I quietly try to distance myself because I have anxiety about confrontation. In fact, in the past, I've known people are lying but have just gone along with it because it's less stressful than confronting people about it, or it may take less energy.
Occasionally, this can be useful, because people then underestimate my intelligence, and, due to this, get lazier in their deception, making it easier to spot. But it hasn't served me successfully every time and has left me stuck.
People who are Neurodivergent can also deal with an issue known as Alexithymia, which is an inability to easily recognise our own, and other people's emotional state.
On a biological level, our bodies may sense that someone's intention toward us is bad, but because of Alexithymia, we may not understand the meaning of the physical sensation, and associated emotion, we're experiencing.
For me personally, I tend to understand more after the interaction, once I've had time to think it through.
Alexithymia can be worked on and improved. I guess the best advice I can give is considering whether there are certain people that might leave you feeling drained or anxious after interacting with them.
Many of us on the spectrum are good at pattern recognition, and if we think about it, might realise that interaction with specific people make us feel a sense of unease (even if we can't identify the emotion specifically).
But again, because of ADHD and so much competing for our attention, it can be hard to spot this pattern straight away.
With experience, and increased self awareness, we can learn strategies to reduce this happening. (For example, I'm in the process of developing principles and boundaries which apply to how I interact everyone (e.g. I'll avoid doing anything official over the phone, and see someone in person instead) and if people are aware of these and try to pressure me to go against them, that's a major red flag.)
But the underlying challenges associated with being ND and more prone to manipulation are still there, which we need to be mindful of. I think if we can find a safe person to look out for us and to talk stuff through with, that can be helpful. But we need to be certain that they too, have our best interest at heart.
Yes!! All of what you've said made incredible sense.
I've found out since I made this original post that I also have autism. Not diagnosed yet, but I self identify as autistic. My cousin was recently diagnosed and I have many many traits and characteristics, and mask heavily so that no one will suspect. I am seeking a screening and diagnosis now, but am overjoyed to discover that I'm AuDHD. It makes sense of the other half of myself that ADHD couldn't explain.
One of the things you said resonated strongly with me. I might have a touch of Alexithymia, but I worked very hard for the past 14 years, from my early 30s when I was in massage school, to discover mindfulness, emotional self awareness and emotional management. I'm pretty good at figuring out how I'm feeling and why.
BUT... I never realized how I struggle with that when a lot is going on. So you saying:
"For me personally, I tend to understand more after the interaction, once I've had time to think it through."
hit me hard. Yes, when I have an interaction with someone over dinner in a crowded restaurant, lets say I'm on a date, and my date says something sort of disrespectful, I will smile and go along with it, because I'm too busy processing the noise and colors and temperature and the conversations at other tables to really focus on what he'd said. Then, two hours later, while I'm home and in a peaceful environment, I'll go over the interaction again and be like HEY THAT WASN'T OK.
No one has made that link for me before, so wow, thank you!
Yes very interesting post. I personally have also been told I am very gullible. I think a lot of it has to do with not trusting my own perceptions. This may also be related to trauma and how I was raised by my parents, not being accepted for my choices so I ended up doubting them and very easily trusting the opinions of others.
I know one symptom of ADHD is impulsiveness, which often manifests itself in making decisions without really analyzing it objectively. Women with ADHD (like me) are prone to getting in relationships with narcissists and men who will gaslight them , also similar to being "gullible."
I have ADHD and have had several things happen that suggest to me I am gullible. It is embarrassing to admit that, when I was 9 years old, the neighbor boy had me believing Superman was a true story. I know that is a little extreme, but it did happen.
You might want to look into Autism, but I'm sure ADHD has a version of gullibility as well.
Don't be embarrassed. My sister told me, when I was a little girl, that I'd been born part cat, with cat ears and a tail that had to be surgically removed. I only figured out that it was a lie when I was like 12 years old. I've been convinced of many embarrassing things!
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