Mother with no where to turn

[machann]

My son was diagnosed with ADD inattentive when he was 9 and he almost 25. He as on Adderal XR until about 16 when we took it away because he was selling it. Since then we has developed a drug and alcohol addiction and has been in rehab at least 4 times. He has anxiety and depression also.

Trying to find a psychiatrist or anyone who can help has been a struggle. We finally found an addiction psychiatrist and she retired. He started a cognitive behavioral therapy at one of the rehabs but when he came out he stopped.

We live in Chicago, you would think there were many options available but there are not. He has a good job with good insurance, the problem is it is seasonal so as soon as it gets cold he is laid off. He lays in his room and does his drugs and alcohol until we give him ultimatum and then he goes back to rehab and cleans up and then the circle starts again. We need to break the circle.

Has anyone else had a similar situation? What steps did you take?

He is a good person with a big heart but the inability to feel comfortable in a public situation brings out his anxiety and he rambles and talks about anything and people laugh at him and make fun of him all the time. His thoughts are everywhere and he just says what pops into his head. He is a mess eating, keeping himself, leaves doors open, lights on, his life is disheveled.

Thank you for listening from a concerned but tired mother

[acrononymous]

I am so sorry that you have to go through all of that! I wish I knew how to make someone do what they need to do to take care of themselves, but that’s part of ADHD. We CAN learn to do what we need to do, but we have to WANT to. And we do fall off the routine regularly and have to get back on it yet again.

An ADHD coach can help if your son wants to be helped. And there are resources for you as the mom out there, too. Maybe even a therapist for yourself to help you cope with your son.

I wish I had a more concrete answer.

[machann in reply to acrononymous]

Thank you

[Emerald-Eyes]

I’m so sorry this is happening to all your family. You might inquire into a State organization that helps people with developmental disabilities. He’d be assigned a caseworker. If nothing else you might be able to have someone there lead you in a direction. You could also maybe contact Eric Tivers an ADHD coach or Ari Tuckman in Pennsylvania (Psychologist) or the ADDA.org people to help with ideas. Or Dig Coaching. With Jeff Copper. These people also have Podcasts. ADDA or ChADD organizations have directories for all over the country.

[Mmagusin]

The more I read about ADHD, the more I realize it truly is a lifelong journey for us. Although he is an adult & should be old enough to make his own decisions, his level of maturity is likely still far behind his age. That said, if he wants to live in your home & be taken care of by you, I assume for free, he needs to follow your rules. So I suggest he needs to go back on a stimulant med & someone needs to administer it, not leave it to him to do or not do, or worse, sell it. If he’s in your home, I’d make him take it, literally watch him swallow it. My concern is he may be self medicating with other drugs & alcohol & that won’t end well. Put up your house rules & explain the new way & consequences for not following house rules. You have more leverage than you think & you don’t have to go right to ‘kicking him out’. That’s a last straw & only if he becomes a danger to you, which doesn’t sound like that’s an issue. Think about what motivates him? Also, consider requiring rehab as a start. He can’t do it on his own & you also need the help of an outside influence