Feeling Like You're "Not Disabled Enough"

[theycallnemo]

I've been struggling somewhat today, and I couldn't find any articles online with people sharing in my experience, so I wanted to make this post to see who else might feel like this, or at least so some other googling ADHDer can see there's somebody else.

I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 7, but other than therapy and medication I was raised as a neurotypical, same as my sister. So as time went on I got increasingly frustrated with my struggles with things I thought were supposed to be easy. I knew I had ADHD, but I didn't even know how to recognize the elements of it, much less how to work with them. As far as I knew, it was just a focus thing. And NTs who said things like "everyone's a little ADHD" built up a wall of internalized ableism in me that I've only just started to dismantle the past few years.

I've become really connected with the disabled comunity, and accessibility has become a significant interest of mine. I've started talking to other ADHDers too, seeking support and methods to work with my neurotype. I am proud of my identity as a disabled person.

But I wish I could be prouder of my ADHD.

When people ask me my disabilities, I get flustered, embarrassed even.A bit of it is that there are a few, they're all relatively invisible, and they sometimes require explaining, but it can be scary telling people that my "main" (most influential) disability is ADHD. What will they say? Will they still accept me and take me seriously?

I've seen book titles claiming my neurotype isn't real. I've shared my enthusiam about ADHD Acceptance Month (October) with peers who met my joy with assumptions, ignorance, and stereotypes. Even trying to google this topic- feeling like your ADHD is "not disabled enough" for the disabled community- brought up related searches of whether ADHD is a disability and if you can get social security for it. Honestly, I don't care what the law says I am- I know my mind and I know I'm not neurotypical. And no one ever outright said to me "you're not disabled enough" or actively tried to silence me because of it. It's just that my internalized ableism tries to tell me that I don't belong. And some days I'm more easily convinced than otthers.

Deep down, I know this is silly. I know I am disabled enough because no one but me is an expert on my mind, body, and struggle. But it's hard, and it's important to find validation in a world that debates your very existence. So I wanna say to whoever's reading this- a community member, a wayward googler, or even myself, searching those phrases again as I'm sadly sure you will- you are disabled enough. Your struggle isreal, and you deserve support and validation. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[Shnookie]

I am sorry that U R going thru this struggle. I am currently on temporary disability due to my bipolar and extremely stressed year in 2019. I am seeking employment especially because of my finances. U can be comfortable with your disability of ADHD, but in reality, there are many people who do not understand what it is like to be in our community. Become comfortable in our community and truth be known even if U feel pride in this, U do not need to reveal this to everyone U meet. People can be cruel at any age, and I would to see U suffer from someone's ignorant and cruel remarks. Educating people is fine but I don't think

that U need to be like Atlas and hold the whole world on your shoulder. The fact that U R comfortable in your skin re ADHD is a great thing. I really give you props and kudos for this.

[theycallnemo in reply to Shnookie]

I do tend to feel like I need to be an ambassador towards abled people and take responsibility for educating them, if for no other reason than to prevent other disabled folks from having to deal with ignorance from that person. It's always nice to be reminded that it's not your job to make everyone more open minded.

[Mille_5]

The thing with ADHD is that it has a large sliding scale of how severe it is. It also effects every person differently which is why it is not classified as a disability. However, it doesn’t mean that the people with symptoms that do effect every of their life aren’t experience a disability.

I have accommodations through my college because my ADHD does effect me in a lot of ways especially in the classroom. My classes are usually around 2 hours each and that is a very long time for me.

My college allows me to schedule my classes early so that I can guarantee that I can get the earlier classes because of my medication. They also allow me to test in the testing center where it is distraction free and quite. I also get extra time. This allows me to actually be successful when I am taking a test. I am also allowed to leave at anytime during class because sometimes I just need to get up and take a walk so I can refocus.

So far I have never felt like I had a disability. I know I do (I also have moderate to severe anxiety and depression). However, I know what I need and do my best to advocate for myself.

I really started learning these skills in just the last year or so and it is something I will continue to work on. In a work setting I have never been in a situation where I needed accommodation and honestly thinking about that makes me nervous but I try and take it just one day at a time.

Sorry that was a lot. I would just say. Know you are enough and that no one can change who you are.

[Shnookie in reply to Mille_5]

Kudos to U for being gutsy enough to

explain to your school that U needed

accommodations in order to successfully

complete your studities and Fortunately

the ADA was enacted in 1990 to among

other things under that there was a need

4 all kinds of accommodations to enable

people with various disabilities and create

A feeling of inclusivity and acceptance .

I was involved in a group called Commission with Jews with Disabilities

in 1990 and we contacted our government

reps and were so happy 😀 when the legislation was enacted

[Mille_5 in reply to Shnookie]

I am also lucky to have a therapist who helps me to advocate for myself by providing the documentation that I need.

[Shnookie in reply to Mille_5]

I'm so happy to hear this. I'm on state of CA temporary disability and am actively seeking employment especially because a family member who was assisting me in paying my rent because COVID has left him with almost no source of income. I'm so lucky that I found this group to give me some support during this challenging time in all of our loves. Good luck in your future endeavors.

[A_Leiruc in reply to Mille_5]

It sounds incredible the support you are getting from your college. I study Law and Political Science, and even though I study at a private and supposedly "open" university, they don't take it very seriously if someone comes in and asks for support for having ADHD. In general, the culture of my country is ignorant in many aspects and topics.

I have tried to talk to my professors and explain what is happening to me and how my behavior tends to be with ADHD, some give me support and considerations, others just ignore me.

[A_Leiruc]

Reading you has made me feel better today. When I meet a person and I am interested or know that I will have some kind of relationship with them, I find it necessary and important to tell them that I have ADHD because maybe my behavior sometimes is atypical or strange. Some people are grateful to me for telling them and are interested in knowing what they can do to support me, other times it doesn't happen that way, sometimes they don't even believe in ADHD, other times they insist that only children have it, and many even say "but you don't look so bad" or "we all have problems concentrating or paying attention".

Obviously there are good days, other days are not so good and other days are very bad, the effect of the symptoms is sometimes greater or lesser, it depends on many factors, but ADHD is there, we have it and we live with it.

I am not ashamed of having ADHD, I am lucky to have been diagnosed so I can receive the necessary support and know what to do according to my needs. But the struggle goes beyond me, it is not only an internal struggle, it is external and sometimes it becomes the most difficult. Recently I found this space and I am very happy to be able to talk with other people who know what it is like to live with ADHD.

[Shnookie in reply to A_Leiruc]

Good 4 U that U R taking care of yourself.

U R so right about physical manifestations that can occur with ADHD. I had a telephone interview for a job about 2

months ago and was not using the positive

ADHD trait of hyperfocusing. My answers

we’re bouncing off the wall. Fortunately

I have an employment agency that I work with and explained to them that I was going to have another job interview and needed

help. They set up some mock interviews

for me with agency volunteers. I felt

much better. I passed the first round of

Interviewing and now am waiting for

Athens second round of results. Regardless of what the results R, I feel much more

comfortable now with the interviewing process. I was lucky 🍀 that I

had someone to reach out to.