When reading books about ADHD....right now I am reading Women with Attention Deficit Disorder (again)- I feel so stressed. I identify with so many issues, and it seems overwhelming when reading about it. Especially when my support people (psychiatrist, counselor) are not as helpful as I hoped (I just got a new psychiatrist in February and a new counselor last week). My old ones were helpful, I'm just not sure I made a lot of progress. So maybe it is me?
Does anyone else get discouraged sometimes with books that are supposed to help? Maybe it is because it is talking about issues that I usually ignore? Hopefully it will improve if I can get myself to read the treatment process it talks about.
Take care,
BlueDaydreamer
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BlueDaydreamer
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It takes time to make ADHD improvements based on books. You have to do some trial and error and you'll run into some walls.
You might need a better counselor ... a counselor you have a better bond with. I have never made progress with a mediocre counselor ... or even a "sorta good" counselor. I only made progress when the counseling was excellent and when I really bonded with them.
Have you been diagnosed for depression or anxiety? Those conditions block progress on ADHD if not treated. Lucky us: people with ADHD have higher rates of all kinds of conditions--in addition to ADHD.
I have depression (I have been diagnosed with bipolar type 2) and generalized anxiety disorder and ptsd. So yeah, I can see why I feel so overwhelmed. My new counselor talked about her dog the first 15 minutes of the session. The dog kept jumping up in her lap and running along the back of the sofa. She has ADHD, too, so I felt guilty about not wanting to see her again. I plan to see if it goes better this week and if not I will find another counselor.
My old therapist has ADHD too, while I liked it because I felt she really understood my frustrations, I could tell that she also struggled with things inevitable to all of us (going on tangents, showing up late to our appointments, forgetting to take notes on our sessions, accidentally charging my card when I would cancel ahead of time, not remembering much about me) and it ended up not working for me.
But I think it depends on the goals you want to set. People with ADHD tend to have higher empathy (wow an actual skill!) so I noticed having done some trauma work with my previous therapist that she did a great job in setting me up to work through it. Right now my goals for therapy are to be able to organize my life in a way that I could function as a human. Having a neurotypical therapist (as far as I know at least) has been a lot more helpful in giving me action-oriented support. Sure she might not fully empathize and understand it the way we do, but she's great at keeping me accountable.
It was really hard for me to end things with my old therapist but we are paying for their help not friendship, so it's important to not feel personal about the relationship and find what works best for us.
I also had a therapist who disclosed to me that she had ADHD. She was helpful on the self-acceptance side ... and gave me some good tips, but ultimately I had to move on to someone more focused and just better.
As a person with ADHD, I recognize that I will always have some struggles.
I function much better with medication than I did without, but I know that I still struggle with the same kinds of things, just not as badly.
Learning about ADHD from books, videos, podcasts, websites and forums has been very helpful. I've learned some things that have helped.
I've made some improvements, but need to work on replacing old habits with better ones.
Medication helps the majority of people with ADHD.
ADHD coaching is supposed to help with developing new skills and habits. Counseling or therapy can help with emotional or behavioral issues.
Some people also join accountability groups. I've heard about a paid-membership group called "Adult Study Hall", which I haven't joined but am considering doing so after I move in a couple of months. adhdrewired.com/adultstudyh...
Thank you for the suggestion(adult study hall). I unfortunately cannot afford the paid membership because my husband is unemployed and I am underemployed . I work two part time jobs. I need a full time job.
ADHD is a physical condition affecting brain function--you can see ADHD in SPECT imaging located in the prefrontal cortex of the brain. Dealing with the emotional aspects of living with ADHD is just part of learning to live with the condition and the symptoms you manifest. Medication and supplements are part of treating the condition as well. Learning to live with ADHD is a personal journey and is unique to each person. Don't be discouraged. Keep asking questions and learn more about the learning disability.
I'm sure there are no-cost accountability groups. I think this private Facebook group is, but I'm not a member. m.facebook.com/groups/19453...
There's also the concept of "body doubles". A "body double" is someone you work alongside, whether in the same place or virtually. Each partner helps the other one stay on task, mostly just by both simply going about their work. (I think it's the social factor of being human, to do what others present are doing.)
Sorry to hear about the employment situation (unemployment and underemployment). I hope that your situation improves to meet your needs.
I will have to move soon, and need to find a new job, either working remotely or where I'll be moving to. I have only put in for one job so far. I probably need an accountability partner or group more than I think I do.
It sounds like maybe it is a lot of changes at once? I didn’t learn a lot from a book. But instead I would get one or two concepts at a time from my therapist/psychiatrist team and I would read up on blogs, websites, organizations, user experience. Once I understood what is a general issue for ADHD or neuro diverse folks I would start focusing on coping mechanisms or the foundations for healthier habits. Maybe 1 in 4 worked. But if I tried to tackle everything at once I would have felt like a failure.
Have you talked with your provider about the thing you have the most frustration or pain from related to ADHD? Is it inattentiveness, rejections, mood fluctuation, etc. if you can hone in on the symptom that has the most impact on your life you may start to see more progress.
And if that doesn’t work. Maybe an ADHD life coach is a better fit? Best of luck on your journey!
And reading some of your replies. I originally was misdiagnosed with BP2 and have general anxiety disorder. Those things mixed with ADHD cause a whole soup of shitty feelings. I really found medication helped. But it is an expensive option and tough to work with.
I highly suggest trying websites instead of books. I want the point and I want it fast. I want to be able to search some terms on a website and find (especially women in ADHD) relevant topics. It might be more helpful for you to research some stuff on websites with immediate tools in layman’s terms?
Yes, it happened to me too. I used to google and read articles about my mental health issues, WHenever I started to read/find the treatment method for my issues I got confused and in the end, depressed and it happened reversible time. So, in my case reading about the solution didn't work for me. So now I am trying to stay focused on whatever my therapist and mind say ( have faith That everything will be ok).
I understand how you feel. I was diagnosed with ADHD, Asperger’s and a side-salad of other conditions last year. Researching the difficulties, they seemed to multiply. However, Gettingittogether is quite right. It takes time. Even though I benefited from a mentor with autism and ADHD, I have had to adapt general advice to my situation. Progress has been slow…BUT let me assure you, progress is possible.
I watched Don Fiore’s qi gong for beginners (and seniors) on youtube. The daily 8-20 min practice has proved very helpful for focus and lessening anxiety. I have also found it good to tackle issues one by one. If, like me, you find prioritising hard, write the situations/issues on cards, turn them over, shuffle them and then pick. Instead of delving into books, you can view brief youtube videos, e.g., Attention talk videos [DIG] by ADHD coach Jeff Copper. There is also Attention talk radio which concentrates on common ADHD concerns. Finally, don’t overlook resources aimed at school/college students. Google imaginatively. You’ll find something to suit. Good luck with your search!
I totally identify with what I think you are experiencing. Information with action associated can be difficult for some ADHD brains. I’m currently looking for an ADHD coach who can actually walk through parts of my life with me and help me explore and create systems and processes that can help me be more productive.
I can read all the books and know all the facts, but my ADHD seems to break my ability to apply any of it to myself. I get decision fatigue to easily, so I need a predetermined set of actions to take when I find myself stuck or overwhelmed.
I’ve realized I can’t read myself into a better place, I’ve already got too much flying through my head at any given moment, I’ve got no room for anything else that I need to figure how to apply to my life.
I have read this book up to the "model" for treatment but I get depressed before I get to that part. At first I feel better reading about people like me, but after a little while just the sheer size of the problem bothers me. This has happened several times because I forget things, a lot. I assume it is because of the adhd. Thank you for your reply.
Depression, anxiety, or even just stress can add a lot to the struggles that you're experiencing with ADHD. That has been my experience.
When I was first diagnosed with ADHD, I was also experiencing a lot of anxiety. My ADHD traits seems to be three to five times worse than normal while under the anxiety. Getting treated for the anxiety first, with counseling from a mental health professional and medication for my doctor, also brought my ADHD severity back down to my normal baseline. Then, my ADHD was much more treatable.
I had tried for many years to treat myself, with little or no progress. When I finally got the help that I need in, it still took a long time. It's been almost 2 years since I started meeting with mental health counselor in the first place. I miss diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD in September 2020, went on anti-anxiety medication for a full month before I started on ADHD meds. I couldn't afford to stay on counseling, so I have been on counseling off and on. I have supplemented the counseling with books and podcasts and YouTube channels to help keep me moving forward in my growth.
Successful treatment of my ADHD has helped me to recover from dealing with depression and anxiety, first to recover from having worked in a terrible job under a terrible boss. Then, to help me recover when I dealt with marital issues and divorce.
It has taken time, and encouragement of family, friends and colleagues. And I recognize that professional help was definitely the help I needed. Before 2 years ago, I never saw it professional help, and my struggles never seem to ever completely get better, but just to fade and grow again and fade some more and grow back again.
I hope that you are able to get the help and treatment you need. It gets better.
The encouragement and information on forums like this have been invaluable to me in my healing from anxiety and my ADHD journey.
OMG Stem_Dad, I too suffered horrible anxiety and I didn't know it. But in therapy I started to lessen my anxiety ... it had always been there, so I didn't really notice it ... But you're right. Anxiety made ADHD so much worse. Because ADHD effectiveness requires some patience, some clarity, some peace, some ability to pause and forgive yourself, not yell at yourself, not over-worry ... not panic when you encounter a problem ... and on and on ...
In fact, I went to my therapist because he had advertised a specialty in ADHD, but by the time I arrived, he had shifted his focus. His new thinking was that people with all conditions need to develop an incredibly precise understanding of how their brains work. And he was huge on meditation.
Anyway, we didn't do a lot of work on ADHD per se, but his work with me on anxiety ... OMG it made dealing with the ADHD so much easier.
Gettingittigether, I think my biggest issue these days is the anxiety. Sometimes it is the depression but lately so many things are contributing to the anxiety. I am having a really big problem getting a counselor on my new insurance. That would hopefully help.
I've been on medication (methylphenidate ER and Prozac) for almost a decade now, but otherwise I've been muddling through on my own most of my life. I've had counseling, was seeing a psychiatrist until he retired; now my GP does my med reviews every 6 months but not much else (not her fault, I'm only now beginning to come around--slowly--to listening to my wife urging me to do more about my ADHD).
My wife says our marriage would likely be better if I worked harder on my "stuff" the same way she says she works on "her stuff", i.e. get my medications increased, get counseling, have blood levels monitored, yada yada.... The only thing we have in common in this respect is depression, so maybe it's a valid idea.
ADHD definitely makes it hard to be a good partner ... I say keep trying ... keep seeking therapy ... keeping pushing your provider to try out different meds ...
read some about building habits ... you have to start small ...
PartialMetalJacket I have been on 30 mg of prozac(three 10 mg pills for a few years, but my new psychiatrist bumped it up to 40 and now to 60mg. I think I need the skills because I definitely do not want to have a high dose of any psych med. I take atomoxetine because my heart rate is high so I could no longer take stimulants, which were awesome for my ability to function. I struggled with my ex husband because he had ADHD and also was a narcissist. He wanted me to organize for him, (and our five kids) but I couldn't organize for everyone. I was overwhelmed and didn't know much about ADHD. He was never diagnosed but when you are married for 20 years you know. My new husband is very understanding even though I make piles all around the house and don't always realize the mess I am making until afterward. I know it is important to improve things if you can for yourself and your mate. I wish you well!
Yeah, that would be the Prozac prescription, but no counseling at the moment. So yeah, my GP offered to set me up with the ACSW affiliated with her practice; I'm due for a med review appointment with her so yeah, I'll take her up on it (rolling eyes at myself more than at my wife who's not in the room right now, "just to get the wife off my back").
Reading online & watching YouTube videos is both helpful & hurtful really. However, I find it validating, in a sense that, that feeling isn’t my imagination, others feel the same or similar.
I feel the same. Sometimes I worry that I am just using ADHD "as an excuse" like my ex-husband used to claim, and then when I read something about it, I'm like, no, it is an issue. (Along with my anxiety and other stuff), and people do struggle with it. Sometimes this site helps, as well. Thanks for your reply. Sorry I didn't see it earlier.
I wish I had more to offer, other than I often feel the same way: overwhelmed and hopeless about my ability to improve the way that I function. I am also struggling with a kind of late diagnosis at 30 years old, and books and YouTube videos get me either very inspired or very discouraged. Like we really are not going to be free of this condition, and we will always be dealing with it. But, to reframe that very discouraging thought, it is also freeing. Because now I know I am not lazy, a bad person, unintelligent, etc., I just have a brain that functions differently.
All you can do is deal with one minute at a time. I get discouraged when I try to change everything all at once, but the most lasting change happens in small increments over a long time. There will always be setbacks, but we have to let some of that go and focus on what we can do right now to start moving in the right direction. Easier to say then do, of course. Also it's just as hard for me to live by my own words, especially when I have just had a couple of really bad executive function weeks in a row.
Lastly, you have value and worth as a person. Always. And you are much more than a set of symptoms to be fixed.
Hi Portia_pine, I hope you are still on the site. I really appreciate what you said, and it helps. Sometimes it seems like I am improving over time, but it seems like I also take steps backward. Not sure why. Thank you for saying we have value and worth as a person. I hope you can internalize those words about not being lazy or anything else like that. I had a late diagnosis, as well. The first time someone suggested to me that I might have ADHD was when this woman and I were talking about our sons. Hers had been diagnosed with ADHD and I started talking to her about how my oldest son had symptoms. Then, later, she said the more I get to know you, the more I think you have ADHD. Unfortunately at the time I pushed the thought away, but as I learned more over the years I realized she had a point. I was mostly focused on my kids. Now, all of my kids except one have either mentioned they might have ADHD or been diagnosed as having it, and taken medication. It is hard for them to take medication because their dad used to put me down when I went on medication for it, and wouldn't agree to get them tested for ADHD because he didn't want them "labeled". Which now, I realize it probably would have helped them in school when they were younger to be diagnosed. They were all grown before they started agreeing that they may have adhd. Today I am overwhelmed by other things, so I may make another post. Thanks again.
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