Hi, I'm from San Antonio and I'm only 20 going to be 21 soon. I honestly dont know myself very well like I used to, happy, smart, laughable but lately I've been storing my emotions due to being hurt a lot and getting negative making me fake on the outside but feel more unhappy in the inside. I tried whatever I can to gain it back but nothing, I'm suicidal. There are time where i want to kill myself but than i dont want to, its like the feeling "What would it be like if i didnt exist anymore?" Ive taken depression pills but its a 50/50 chance it works, I usually stay silent because of it. I keep others happy than myself, lately everyone has been finding out about it and I shut myself down from everyone else because I didnt want others to help me it didnt feel right for me. I would get upset because everyone didnt like to see me cry making it worse for me, I would want to hang out but whenever I want to everyone seems busy the last minute or that i dont have anyone to talk to so i just stay in my room. I would like to say other things about myself but Im new and it feels awkward for what im putting or posting on here.