Where to even begin! I am so thAnkful that someone shared this site with me! A little about me-
I’m 33yrs old have a 7yr old son, and I know I was diagnosed in my early 20’s with ADHD,depression and anxiety, chronic fatigue syndrome, IBS, and to top it off, Myoclonic Epilepsy. Needless to say I can’t function without meds and am currently in a very difficult situation.
My son is a blessing in disguise, never married his father, have gone through a 6yr litigation battle (his dad always trying to take custody from me, and have another court hearing next month, even though 3 years ago I was awarded sole physical and legal custody.
My son who has an IEP for speech therapy which has affected his writing and reading, also was recently diagnosed with an emotional distress disorder from the high conflict situation. Every other weekend he has been forced for years per court order to visit his dad which has now become a traumatic event, emotionally unbearable to see him go through let alone force. Finally was able to get a CASA worker involved who too has seen it for herself. Needless to say my son and I both are in therapy-
Not only am I going through the litigation but my son, is extremely fearful and emotionally attached to me. He has high levels of energy and very needy bc of his fears, anxiety and what I believe to be either sensory issues or ADHD or possibly both. His therapist is currently assessing all this. Needless to say I’m Beyond tired.
I had a difficult time working. I have not yet finished my degree so I was lucky to find a $15/job-however even at full time was not able to live on it bc with all our living expenses plus rent and not to mention childcare costs- I was breaking even-but more importantly couldnt afford insurance, due to the high deductibles, I had to pay considering the specialists I had to see regularly-and I can’t function without meds nor can I afford the medication costs without being insured!
This is all just the tip of the iceberg in my life-
Due to my financial crisis my parents let me live with them-however the relationship has not been good. My mom and I never had a healthy relationship. Not sure why, but it feels as if she enjoys watching me suffer. She is overly critical, judgmental and constantly degrading, belittling my parenting even in front of my son. To the point I’m constantly internally stressed and fighting for sanity.
I went back to school to finish my last undergrad and this is my final semester! But I am constantly being threatened to get kicked out by my mother and I have no where to go! I’m worried if I have to leave and find a homeless shelter, due to the litigation battle that I could possibly loose custody due to lack of stability. I am breaking out in psoriasis bc of the stress all over my body that I don’t go out in public much bc of how embarrassing it is-even though I’m taking medication for it-
I don’t know what to do-I’ve lived here for 3yrs and everyday I’m yelled at, threatened and given ultimatums, belittled, been called “lazy”, “selfish”, “spoiled”, “disappointment”, “entitled”, “never will amount to anything”, all bc she has severe OCD that she denies, and believes I’m the problem, I’ve always been “the problem”, even though I’m the only one who’s been willing to seek professional help. My mom tells me “I’m evil”, and asks me if I’ve taken my medications when I stand up for my son and I. It’s to the point that, my thoughts take me places I shouldn’t go. If I didn’t have my son, I know I wouldn’t be alive to share my story. I know the Lord has a plan in all this for us-but Im so burnt out from dealing with toxic relationships and People when trying to better our life!