Log in
Adult ADHD Support
3,298 members948 posts

Relationships & the indecisiveness struggle

My mind is spinning out of control , as I can't answer the question -- "am I putting up with too much in relationships?" and "should I stay or should I go"?Does anyone have the same questions ?! And or do u just constantly feel like you're not sure if it's you (you're ADD mind) or the other person?!How are we to tell the diff?! I have moments where I ask myself "wtf am I doing here, I'm leaving once and for all" and then not long after I'm mentally blaming myself , telling myself I just over think, or over react. Or I just forget the details of what's upsetting me, and continue on in this cycle, never getting anywhere- never growing together or as an individual- just feeling stuck. My thoughts , goals and ideas r inconsistent and scattered and My memory comes to a screeching halt in times when I need it most -- thus making it harder to piece together my thoughts to create a whole image- an image of what I want my life to look like, now and in the future. Without this image, it's hard to make decisions that will put me on the path to creating it. I have to figure this out some how, as the stress is affecting all aspects of my life. I'm 28 and just feel- i can't keep waisting time--I need to make up my mind one way or another as my life is in limbo because of this. Any advice? Does anyone here struggle with this? I never thought indecisiveness would plague my relationships too.

4 Replies
oldestnewest

I relate to what you are saying. I am also a non-confrontational person, so when something happens in the relationship, not only do I "forget" or jumble the issues, but I can't remain on target in sensibly arguing my point and end up not helping my cause when I finally get up the nerve to sit down and try to talk about my relationship. So things that are bothering me get pushed under the rug and now I have a hill in the middle of the relationship. The other problem that this leads to is that I am constantly going through my mind questioning whether I should end the relationship, but can see the positives that brings to my life as well. So I have one foot on both sides of the decision and feel so frustrated at myself that I turn inward, pull away more, and thus add to the relationship problems. UGH

Reply

Yes ! Exactly- you do get it . It was even hard for me to explain so I'm glad you got that. There must be ways of resolving this? Maybe we are self sabotaging. But then again, like u, I'll suddenly see the positives that are worth staying for, until something upsets me, but explaining what that is to them is hard-I also fear I'll just sound like a complaining idiot so I hold back. Deff feeling like I'm losing sight of who I am as I'm always trying to ppl pls and watch what i say in fear of starting something I won't be able to make my point about . Next thingI know , I'm in tears and regretting I said anything and apologizing to them. Ugh indeed!

Reply

I've found that if I make notes and make an "appointment" to sit down and discuss things, it really helps. Not being in the heat of emotion and systematic with my notes keeps me on point and patient enough to listen to responses without feeling the need to rush before I forget. I find it evens allows me to be calmer and be present during the responses so I can really absorb what is being said. Hope that helps!

Reply

I'm indecisive about my friendship and a lot of other decisions I have to make. It gets overwhelming.

Reply

You may also like...