long distance relationships

[Steak101]

As a very physical person, long distance has never worked for me. Yet here I am again… a shorter time frame but very very hard. He finally came back into service and we were in a flow convo (at least on my end 😔) and we got cut off. I immediately took it personally and created a story in my head that he did it on purpose because I was talking too much. This led to a fight and a night of no sleep for me. Immediately overwhelmed with regret and shame I assume to myself that how would he ever still want to be with me. He didn’t call me today but we did text and it seems okay now. I hate this & believe no one will be able to handle me…. All I needed was a hug. Please advise. Am I destined to solo life.

[Spud-u-Like1982]

I can understand how you feel, as I too used to only do long distance relationships, one of them lasted for 5 years (she was the one that got away). She would be angry with me if I didn't answer her messages within a couple of hours, whether I was working or not. She also took offence if I didn't write to her straight after she wrote to me. When we were together and I turned my back on her in bed, she'd start crying that I was ignoring her. It all got very exhausting after a time. We eventually split up because she wanted me to abandon my Parents and move hundreds of miles away from them. I didn't want to live in the city she lived in. Her Parents literally didn't speak to me for the 5 years I was with her. When we split, she kept trying to maintain contact with her, but I couldn't do it.

My relationships since have all been more local and have all been terrible in some way (I'm no saint either!).

That long distance one was my second proper relationship and my most fulfilling. The passion we shared was out of this world, but she was prone to mood swings and could be uncaring at times. She was also my muse and inspiration. The poetry from my heart just flowed through my pen on to paper and I look at how she made me feel then and rough copies of letters I sent to her, to the way I feel now and I'm just so completely jaded by life that no relationship will ever come close again.

With my current relationship in it's death throes my mind keeps going back to that relationship and how much I miss it.

To summarise, you won't forever be solo.

All my romantic relationships have been thanks to the internet, as I'm just too shy and I have low self esteem, which means I struggle to meet women. It sucks. I definitely didn't have such low self esteem when I was in that amazing relationship. I often wonder if she still thinks of me as much as I think of her.

[Josabet094 in reply to Spud-u-Like1982]

As I read your post.. I felt the same sharp pain I felt when my loved one said he was moving away to be with family.

If you still wonder if she thinks of you, every ounce of my soul says you should reach out to her. Regret is worse than death. People say we dont live in the movies and this isn't a fairytale. Well I choose to believe otherwise. We have the ability to make our own fairytales if we chase after what we truly love. No matter the outcome, maybe she wont respond, but if she does, you'll be the love story that inspires hollywood.

[Spud-u-Like1982 in reply to Josabet094]

I wouldn't know how to reach her now, as that was 17 years ago that our relationship ended. She lived several hundred miles away from me. I imagine she is probably married with children by now.

Sine I posted my response, I dated another girl. We had been speaking since late July, but we have only dated 3 times since then. I really like her, but she doesn't like public displays of affection or romance and I'm a very romantic individual. Our last date was in mid-October and it didn't go well. She was very grumpy and quick to argue/disagree. I really liked her and we had very similar values, morals, beliefs and principles. Since our last date she had many work pressures, so I took a step back to give her space, as she found the fact I liked communicating daily with her too overwhelming. I last heard from her 22nd October. I've sent her a few WhatsApp messages since, but she no longer reads them. My rejection sensitivity has again been triggered by her

Being in my early 40s, I now very much feel like I will always be alone. I don't have many friends, I'm an only child and I am close to my parents, but that's all I have. As I grow older I realise how much I wish I wasn't an only child and how I have always been lonely and alone, but I had such an active imagination as a child, it didn't bother me, but now it does.

The world is quite a frightening and scary place. I wish I didn't feel like I need another person to make me feel whole, but I do.

[Josabet094 in reply to Spud-u-Like1982]

I am happy to hear you are close to your parents though. At 30 years old, I understand that feeling you are describing. Sometimes I feel pathetic for needing someone in my life, or when someone does appear for a fragment of time, I feel overbearing with my affection and love. I use anger as a shield when I feel rejected. Its not a silly thing to long for someone else to make you feel whole. Its i a natural law of life, two is better than one. You'll find your other half. Im sure of it!

[Spud-u-Like1982 in reply to Josabet094]

Thanks. You're definitely not pathetic for needing someone in your life. I think, deep down, we all feel like that, even the people who insist they are happier alone. I think it's nice to know that at the end of the day, there is someone who cares for you and about you, who's waiting for you at the end of the work day. It gives a motivation to carry on and live!

I realise through looking at information on the various mental health conditions that I have, that I fall really quickly because that is my personality and it very much leaves you open to hurt. I also realise I'm prone to 'love bombing'. It's strange to now understand why you feel a certain way and to know other people out there share similar traits.

I'm still stuck in a rut because I still live with my ex and we still shared a bed, albeit very much separate from each other. I have hoarding disorder too, so I'm trying to get cleared up and I'm starting to move it into storage tomorrow. The love in that relationship dissipated several years ago and we were just sleep walking through the relationship. My only issue is we have shared pets and I'm really closely bonded to them, but I have to leave them behind. It's breaking my heart.

My Mum is struggling with not being a grandparent, as she was like a substitute Grandmother to her niece, but the ex's family told me contact would remain between her and my Parents, but they lied.

It's just a mess, but I'd rather be single and happy than tied to an unhappy relationship - and that is very much me speaking from experience on that one!