Recently Diagnosed female -64 -Identify Conundrum

[Allysmum]

I'm having an identity issue. I don't know who l am. I have pretended (not always well) so l could fit in. Have always been searching for peace of mind. I have seen it in people who are completely at ease in their bodies, their lives and that take me or leave me confidence.Ive read heaps and thinking just revisit the things l love doing. Why should that be difficult l don't get why l can't motivate myself to pursue the things l love. Also l have been a pretender socially all my life. Occasionally l have had a friend who l can be authentic with. What a relief. Those rare friends are very precious I believe l am emotionally immature and that is why I struggle with relationships. Anyway l know I have an opportunity to live a better life.

[Netjester]

Seems to me you are in a depressive state right now. You aren't alone in feeling that way. I've learned that we all feel that way many times in our lives. If I may make a suggestion to read the book The Body Keeps the Score. There is an audio version of the book as well. This book will help you with how you are feeling right now and teach you why you feel and respond the way you do. The book is life changing.

For your imposter syndrome, I might suggest also writing a list of who you want to be. My guess is you are already very much like the person you want to be. You just feel the need to see some validation from a wider audience. I'm curious if you are experiencing rejection sensitivity at all. These all kind of go hand in hand. Many of have been down this path and have broken through with medication and a strong psychiatrist/therapist to help us push through the noise. Just a tidbit of information about me. I'm 57, have ADHD and Chronic PTSD. It took my psychiatrist over 3 years to push me into a position of trusting people with my feelings and thoughts. I always felt that I had to "play the game" to be accepted. Only in the past year I have realized that my brain clouded my judgement of other people's perception of me. The perceived negativity just wasn't there. I can't tell you how much of a weight that lifted off my shoulders once I burned that into my head. I'm thriving now and have even made new and close friends. It takes work, but it's highly possible.

Good Luck

[Allysmum in reply to Netjester]

Thank you so much. It's comforting to know there are souls out there that get this. X

[Old_Owl]

I'm going through my own "identity crisis" so I can relate. Just about a year out, on meds, in therapy, which helps. But after 58 years of masking and people pleasing just to fit in I find that I'm not sure of what I like or even want. I have hid who I've been for so long, presenting what I thought people wanted me to be that now numb to my own needs and desires.

Part of me, as I approach 60, wonders if it's even worth it- just slug it out for the remainder. But, I take my meds each day. I meet with an ADHD coach regularly to learn and build skills for work and daily life. I work with a therapist. I practice mindfulness as a way to connect with my body and emotions. I read and work to have a better understanding of ADHD. I'm a work in progress and have come to terms with there not being an end to that journey.

And while I might not know who I am and what, I'm started to drop the mask. I'm stopping the pretense of being someone I think other might want me to be. I'm coming to terms with not fitting in. And for me, I get that I didn't have imposter syndrome, I was an imposter pretending to be someone I was not hoping to desperately fit in. Now I work to be authentic by breaking my old behavior.

It's hard. I have good days and bad. I take the one day at a time approach and try to be kind to myself. Finally, I keep in mind ADHD is a neurolgical disorder- it's not a lack of desire, lack of trying harder, or a character flaw.

Your're not alone. It is a struggle. Take it one day at a time. Be patient and kind to yourself. Finally, don't think you've got to do and figure this out on your own. Help is out there be it professional or a dear friend.

Best of luck

[Allysmum in reply to Old_Owl]

Thank you so much. I love what you shared

[Old_Owl in reply to Allysmum]

The one thing my diagnosis gave me was the understanding I wasn't alone, others out there have similar struggles. Knowing I'm not alone can give me comfort in my dark moments, something I didn't have before I knew I had ADHD and started learning about it.

[Allysmum in reply to Old_Owl]

It is exhausting

[Old_Owl in reply to Allysmum]

Yep. It is very exhausting