Newbie ADHD parent just venting

[curlymom2]

My son (age 6) was just diagnosed with ADHD, combined type. I'm reading posts and already am finding this community so helpful. I have felt so alone and helpless at times. Seeing and experiencing my son's differences and behaviors has been frustrating, sad, and maddening. I have been judged and my parenting has been questioned by both family and friends. I know my son can be a lot with his impulsive behaviors, occasional aggression, and BIG, intense feelings. Honestly, I have felt like a failure as a mother during the times I had no control and had no idea what to do. Also, I should add that I'm a therapist who has worked with ADHD kids and parents before! It's been a total mind screw for me with lots of negative thoughts at times. Seeing a kid for 1 hour a week is different than living with one and being responsible for them 24/7. Also, for some reason, my son doesn't listen as well as my clients do. Haha

I know my son is a sweet, curious, intelligent, funny, and beautiful child. While I knew that I wasn't alone, it helps to actually read stories of parents going through similar struggles. Parents who "get it." Thank you for being here. I look forward to seeking support and being of support to other parents. Sending you all a big hug.

[Sparklemom]

reading this is EXACTLY how I feel. My daughter was just diagnosed, also combined and I’m a Positive Discipline Parent Educator and Parent Advocate for corporate companies and Coach parents allll the time on parenting. So this also has thrown me … the feelings of loneliness I’ve had and guilt and shame have been sonintense. We aren’t alone. We have eachother 💗

[curlymom2 in reply to Sparklemom]

Thank you so much for your reply! It's so hard when we're the ones who "should" know. When I'm calm in front of my clients, it's easy to direct a parent and child, but when it's my own son I'm like, "What the heck to I do?! Why isn't he listening?!" Ugh! Thanks for sharing. Definitely not alone.

[anirush]

Welcome to the community. There are many ups and downs, judgments, but also happy moments. Lots of people here with experience and advice. Vent or ask away!

[curlymom2 in reply to anirush]

Thank you so much! I appreciate the support

[AnnaCP]

I feel like I could have written your post! My son is almost 5 and was just diagnosed as well. It helps to finally know that something is different and there are other people who understand what we’re going through behind the scenes.

[curlymom2 in reply to AnnaCP]

Yes! Although the diagnosis does not come as a surprise to me and those who know my son, to me it feels like now I have a roadmap with a better sense of direction of what to do. Also, the support of this group is invaluable. Best of luck to you and thank you for the reply!!

[Willowbee37]

It’s soooo hard when they are newly diagnosed. You can’t help but to look ahead and worry about all the what ifs. My son is 10, diagnosed at 6. It took awhile to find the right medication and therapy but I will tell you, it gets easier. He’s still my challenge child but I’ve learned what works and doesn’t. At 6, they are wired to be rambunctious so adding in adhd is a wild ride. Hang in there. You, and him are definitely not alone and as he gets older things will change and come together for both of you.

[curlymom2 in reply to Willowbee37]

This is the support I need! Thank you so much. It's nice to hear that there will be some relief in sight. I know this will always be something he and we live with and we'll have to adjust as he grows, but I'm looking forward to him being able to better communicate and learn coping skills that do not include physical outbursts (or at least fewer). Thank you for your encouraging words and support!

[Imakecutebabies]

Yes. My son was diagnosed at 6 as well and I still have trouble making friends with any of his classmates' parents. And I used to be a special ed teacher and it took me SO LONG to realize that some things that worked in my classroom might actually work on my own child... And that some things wouldn't.

[Mamamichl]

Welcome! I know what you mean. I’m a special education teacher. Though I spend more time with my students than you do with your clients, I don’t take their behaviors personally like I do my own kids. It really is a struggle as a parent when your own kid is struggling. I can talk real with my students, but my kid takes me being real with her as an attack. Kids take advice better from other people than they do their parents, and parents don’t take behaviors as personally if it’s not their own kid. This is why I really listen to information on how my kid acts at school and from other parents. Luckily, my kid does better with others than she does with me and dad.

[Lillianmcmcl]

I also relate in a big way. I'm a former teacher and reading specialist, current youth librarian, and the very last person my 9 year old daughter wants to hear from. She has ADHD and autism which has been described by her school OT as PDA- persistent demand avoidant or persistent desire for autonomy. Rather than feeling prepared to help her, I feel powerless.

It does help to read others' stories and know I'm not alone. It also helps to remember that parenting is hard in different ways for everyone, not just those with differences. Thanks for sharing.

[Mishijos33]

my 5yo son recently got diagnosed and I feel the exact same way as you. I’m not a therapist but feeling like a bad mom and lonely often. Thank you for sharing!

[SconnieMom]

This forum has helped me feel “seen” as well. I’ve had friends, relatives who had ADHD…. But I still feel like a failure as a mom and so lost…like you said, it’s different when they are your own!! Would things have been different if I had done something different during my pregnancy? Was this because I went into renal failure at 36 weeks? Did I cause this? Honestly this has confirmed my thoughts of myself needing a therapist, oh but the cost 😢 It’s been an emotionally taxing several months since his diagnosis. Years of dealing with the behaviors and always thinking in the back of my mind that this could be the reason did not prepare me for the finality of those words. I’m a rambling mess but I’m so thankful for those that share their experiences. It helps me understand I am not alone ❤️

[Icare67]

So glad you found this group. I have a daughter who was diagnosed with ADHD in school. Those years were not easy, therapist, medication trials etc. We want to be here for you.