Looking for a parents group in Massachusetts, specifically on the South Shore.

[Maggie611]

I’m looking to connect with other parents to assist in this journey with my son. He is 7 yrs d and has been diagnosed with moderate ADHD ( for now). Recently it’s been brought to light that my son may have ODD and/or OCD. He can be so negative and self deprecating at times, “ I’m stupid.” He’s a bright kid but struggles with managing his emotions, and socializing with new peers. I feel does fine once he gets to know you and feels comfortable. He is constantly on his IPAD and it’s been increasingly difficult to manage. Professions have not been able to give me research based information about is an appropriate/safe amount of time that kids should be on their devices and does TV factor into the same category? Look to connect with like minded parents as I find most parents with “normal” children tend to be judegemental and I would fearful that our kids behaviors will “ rub off.”

[momwifedaughtersis]

Hello, I’m in California, also with 7yo son with likely ADHD (still going through evaluations). The iPad is challenging for us too, and I play mind games with myself, like “well it’s color by number not random YouTube so it can’t be that bad.” Like you, I wonder about TV vs iPad. Our pediatrician suggested to consider “no screens during the week for anyone.” This sounds too drastic for us. I was thinking about limiting screens to 1 hour after we get home from school/work, which gives all of us a much needed break (“break” for mom=make dinner in relative peace). I’ve heard other parents say that TV is incredibly effective to wind down their child, and when you are in survival mode - do what works! My therapist has been emphasizing the benefits of a strict schedule, for tough times like mornings and bedtime. She pointed out that the schedule eliminates many debates. I’m not a schedule person and my job is sometimes unpredictable so it’s going to be a challenge... but I’m gearing up for it. I’m thinking there could be one “screen hour” after school and absolutely none at any other time during the school week - eliminating fights to turn off the TV/pad in the morning, and when it’s bedtime. I do worry that it seems the screen habit will only get worse as they get older, and most of us parents are also addicted to these **** phones.

Hope you’ll find a local tribe of likeminded parents to connect with. I’d love to meet people in my area (SF Bay Area - peninsula).

[Holdencommondore]

I'm hearing you here if you need to talk

[Maggie611 in reply to Holdencommondore]

Thank you! Same here.

[bdhb96]

Hi, I feel for what you’re experiencing as it sounds familiar. Related to the self-deprecating behavior, it may be generalized anxiety caused by his ADHD experiences. I would caution to take the anxiety very seriously and get help from a psychiatrist that specializes in kids. Anxiety over the years can become quite paralyzing and debilitating to a kid with ADHD challenges (even become a bigger challenge than ADHD!) when it’s occurred for many years during the time when their self esteem and personal identity has been forming. Also consider that depression and anxiety in kids looks different than it does in adults. At minimum, find a mental health counselor that specializes in kids. You don’t want to have regrets. Good luck on this parenting roller coaster ride. It has it ups and downs, but you’ll make it through.

[bdhb96]

Hi again, I didn’t comment on the screen time earlier.

You mention “his” ipad. You might consider a subtle but important change of title to YOUR iPad instead. It’s about ownership and control of the tech toy. It’s not his to use at anytime he wants. He’s not entitled to it because it’s his. It’s yours and you’re allowing him to use it as you have decided is appropriate for his age and him personally. You can withhold it as punishment if need be Avery effective deterrent for some kids). It may sound like semantics, but it’s the same idea behind a parent-child “written contract” for a first phone. You are in control of his use, you’re his scaffolding until he can slowly develop his own self control over tech toys.

You might also discuss with him the idea that adults use their tech for a whole lot more than entertainment like kids do. It’s a tool for us more than it’s for entertainment. The two are not the same.

You might get a super easy to use timer for his screen time use, like a Cube Timer (just rotate to desired time to start). That way he is one starting the timer, being keeper of the timer, not you. It’s his responsibility.

I recommend only an allotted 30 daily min (but it’ll be hard to scale back when you’re already at 60) with added designated minutes earned for certain behaviors or chores. You’re trying to start good habits, think holistically.

Also, expect a tantrum when you take it away, but stay firm. Help him through his emotions by brainstorming ideas of how to use his non tech time. If likes Beyblades, buy him lots of them. If he likes Pokémon, buy him lots. Grow his other interests. Grow his connections with other kids with their non-tech interests too. Play card and board games. Get outside. Let him be bored and have to figure it out how to entertain himself.

ADHD means a slower development of their emotional control, self control and understanding of social dynamics. Be patient but strong. Educate yourself about Executive Functioning and how it develops.

[bdhb96]

In my earlier responses I forgot to mention that I’m not anywhere near your area for an in person support group. Sorry, I’m on the opposite coast but happy to offer help for you and others since I’ve been riding this roller coaster for a decade now and the ride is beginning again with my youngest. Of course I’m not a psychiatrist, but I’ve been in the trenches and have learned a few things!

You didn’t mention which type of ADHD, but if it’s inattentive type, it’s quite different than hyper type IMO. Inattentive type + generalized anxiety condition = crippling approach to try anything new in life, to engage, to grow. Add in an introverted personality and dyslexia and you have an even larger challenge. Usually these things are layered and a unique recipe.

Anger and self-doubt (even loathing) in kids can be anxiety instead of ODD. If not addressed for years it can turn into secret self-harm. Don’t let it get to that point. Get a psychiatrist that specializes in kids with these challenges so they will know the difference and can advise on action to take. Generalized anxiety changes your brain and needs to addressed so that you can get back to an even starting point to help the ADHD.

Another idea for my previous lists: a pet, especially a dog, is an stable non-parent relationship for your child to have at home. A dog is always accepting, always there for comfort and companionship, and also offers a chance for growing responsibilities in taking care of something other than just themselves. It gives them a chance to contribute to the family and be proud of themselves. It’s a loving and engaging opportunity for success in growing up. If you choose a puppy know that the first two months will be intense! Then it gets a lot better. Choose a breed known for calm companionship, for example an Australian Labradoodle, rather than a dog that needs a lot of physical daily activity. A dog will always be a good listener, a good playmate, a good practice relationship to teach compassion and responsibility.

[megstar79]

Hi Maggie I also live in MA but on the North Shore. I have a 8 yr old daughter who has been diagnosed with severe ADHD. Would love to meet other parents in the area that have ADHD kids I haven't had much luck finding a support group up here but would love to chat more

-Megan

[Maggie611 in reply to megstar79]

Hi Megan. Glad you reached out. It can be so isolating at times. Although it’s getting a little better with school in session. I live on the South Shore. I’m a single mom to a 7 yr old boy. He has been diagnosed with moderate ADHD ( hyperactive) and has been responding well to medication. What that looks like is he’s not getting kicked out of camps/schools and I’m not getting calls from school regularly. We do behavior charts which seems to help and he is in an after school therapeutic program. They help him with homework and he works on coping skills and socializing with peers. As a single mom it’s not easy especially since I work full time and am pursuing a master’s degree but we get through. Lots of communicating, hugs, and I spend a lot of time with him when I’m not at work or school. One day at a time is my motto.