Teen daughter ADHD

[AF46]

hello my daughter is 16 and has severe ADHD. Her father and I also have been diagnosed with ADHD as well. Autism has been diagnosed as a symptom due to the ADHD. My husband does not take diagnosis seriously and is blind to his own symptoms due to his ADHD. The fighting between my husband and daughter has worsened and our home and relationships are becoming more impacted by the situation. I worry for my daughter’s future in life because she has a very difficult time managing life.

[BLC89]

Hello AF46,I'm sorry there is such tension in your house. It is pretty common for ADHD patents to clash with their ADHD kids. I'm not sure if it's the similarities or the parental fear that their kid will suffer like they did but clashes are extremely common.

You're daughter will figure it out but it will take her longer than her peers. She is about 30% behind in her executive function than others her age. Executive function could easily be a synonym for "adulting" It is the part of the brain that houses time management, organization, prioritization, emotional regulation, etc.

All those areas will develop more slowly, so if you are expecting her to act as responsibly as her non ADHD friends you will be disappointed for a few more years. You will need to give her more support that other parents and that can be tough. Hang in there and learn all you can about ADHD in general and how it presents in girls more specifically. Hopefully your husband will join you in learning. If not at least you will be as informed as you can be.

Dr. Hallowell's book ADHD 2.0 is an easy and extremely informative read, and talks about the differences between boys and girls with ADHD. It also talks about the latest brain science.

You're doing great, stay curious!

BLC89

Full disclosure: I am an ADHD Parent Coach. I have been married to ADHD for nearly 30 years and raised two kids who have ADHD.

[Copomom]

Hi AF46, my history is similar to yours, my husband is ADHD and my daughter (17) too, is a complete roller coaster for me, sometimes I feel that I am ADHD too but at the end is more like other staff, however my task is to learn all that is possible, this give me calm and reminded me that my husband and me are not the worst parents in the world, of course we made a lot of mistakes but we are trying; also my husband usually fight at the same level with my daughter, in those moments I felt really afraid of both because I don’t know how to expect but my husband try to listen I little bit more and try to control his temper and as we clearly know he tries to not be caught by her in other words he try to not get caught in her trap to fight, super difficult but is the only way…. see ADHD Dude you tube channel, we need to be constantly encourage and motivated to continue in the journey to educate an adhd teen!

youtube.com/playlist?list=P...

[Efsrdad]

Hi AF46.

My daughter battles the challenges of adhd and executive function disorder every day. We dealt with a situation similar to yours. We sought the help of an executive function coach and though it took time my daughter was able to do well in school and she was accepted to the college of her choice. I wrote an essay about our journey and have attached a link if you would like to read it. Good luck!!

medium.com/neurodivergent-l...

[HoldingonLou]

I can relate to your situation in regards to managing life. I worry about my kids so much. I have a 16 year old too and I remember how it was thinking I knew all I needed to know at 16. I can't imagine all the xtra emotional challenges you are dealing with. I'll pray for you and your family. If you have a faith. Please pray for mine.

Does your child have a life coach or counselor?