She doesn’t act that way with me…

[yum_yum]

I’ve known since my daughter was 2 years old that something was going on, but everyone around me tries to explain it away. It seems like to them having ADHD and sensory processing disorder is the kiss of death and all is lost for her. Why do I have to over explain her symptoms and diagnoses? If I say she has ADHD, then she has ADHD! I don’t take her to occupational therapy, speech therapy, behavioral therapy, and a developmental pediatrician for fun!! How do you keep from doubting yourself, when everyone around you treats you like your overreacting or making stuff up?

[Onthemove1971]

Thanks for your message we have all been there done that. For me, I focused what was working and when it was working guess what? It worked.. I know it sounds funny, but it's true.

I can give you an example, thearpy: our son and I went together and when we walked out our son would say "wow, that was great, I think I will start to do X and Y and he would start to change... it was working

We had to change thearipist, we have walked out and my son doesn't say anything. Then when I go to schedule he will say how about next month.

I just focus on what works and when it doesn't I make a change. We will look for a new therapist soon.

Same with medication, when it wasn't working well ( meaning the same as before- less excessive talking, arguing, etc) I contact the doctor and make a change.

I have also chosen to not talk to a lot of people about our son, I have plenty of other things to talk about.

Hope this makes sense. Good luck!

[BLC89]

Hello yum_yum,So sorry you have to campaign all the time trying to convince the masses.

Coming here is always a good way to find a sympathetic ear for sure.

Secondly, I suggest changing your perspective of those you feel you need to convince. If they aren't listening or willing to explore different points of view, stop talking to them. It's not worth it.

Think about your emotional and physical energy as money. Any time you have to try to convince someone of something you are spending a lot of emotional money.

Save it up for you and your family.

It's OK that others disagree, think you're wasting your time & money, or that ADHD isn't really a thing. You know the truth of your situation. You know the therapies are helping, that is all that matters.

It's their loss that they won't be spending as much time with you because you will be spending your emotional money on people that get you, understand your challenges or just make you feel good.

Conserve your precious resources for others that feed your soul and support you.

Hang in there, you're doing the right things to support your kid (your kid, not theirs).

BLC89

Full disclosure: I am an ADHD Parent Coach. I have been married to ADHD for nearly 30 years and raised two kids who have ADHD.

[yum_yum in reply to BLC89]

The real real problem is her father is rejecting her diagnoses. He even went so far as to take me to court for full custody, because somehow, my parenting skills are what’s causing her issues. Thank God the judge didn’t buy it, but it was a nerve-wrecking experience.

[BLC89 in reply to yum_yum]

I'm so sorry you are up against that type of resistance, that is tough. I wish I had more to offer. Vent whenever you need to, that can help keep you sane in the midst of it all. Take care of yourself - it's the best way to have the energy to support your daughter.

[Tenurepollard05 in reply to yum_yum]

😔💔 so tough! So sorry to hear this. It’s a lot to bear. Your daughter is very lucky to have you in her corner.

[Treadingwater13 in reply to yum_yum]

How awful. You’re a strong mama xx

[MaudQ]

What is it about really little kids where everyone has an opinion and needs to share it with you? 🙄 I would keep it super simple and polite. You’re allowed to say you don’t feel like talking about it and change the subject to something more pleasant. I always go blank in the moment so I would preplan my response.

Well meaning but clueless person: Your child doesn’t look like she has ADHD! This is all normal kid stuff. She’ll grow out of it.

Me: We’re just doing what the doctor told us to do. But let’s not talk about doctors! How are you feeling these days?

My kid’s therapist suggested this approach after my kid had missed a bunch of school due to anxiety and was nervous about what the other kids would say when she came back. If you turn it back to the other person with a question, it helps divert attention away from you - and everyone loves to talk about themselves!

[Mamamichl]

Unfortunately, it’s from the old belief that adhd is just kids being raised poorly. They don’t seem to understand that we have a chemical imbalance. You do have a lot of different therapies for the kid. I would check with them to see if they are all beneficial since it may be keeping him from having as much fun as they can. However, I wish my parents took my rejection sensitivity dysphoria seriously so that I could have therapy and learn to regulate it better as a kid. Maybe you can give them peer reviewed articles and a doctors note saying your kid is adhd? Not that they deserve to have proof, since what matters is the kiddo and your opinion. There’s so much doubt in our society. You WILL be judged no matter what you do. Breastfeed? Inappropriate. Bottle feed, it’s not what’s best for baby. Your darned if you do, Darned if you don’t.

[ADHDuderino]

Hi yum_yum, Im sorry to hear your pain on this, ignorance is rife🙄 I would totaly echo what others have said, spe d your emotional cash elsewhere, ADHD "IS a thing" not bad parenting/naughty children, you are doing loads to try and help your kid navigate life, on top of "just being a parent"🙄 (definately more than those who would need convincing) and that... THAT makes you an AWSOME Mum🫵🤟😀 Do what works for you and Kid, I once heard a great saying "having an opinion is like having a penis, wonderful to have,but dont fo waving it in other peoples faces"🤣 Smile, nod, do the ADHD thing....."I dont see why you need to do all this, they just need proper discipline!"

Smile, Nod, "Oh look! A Butterfly! Y'Know I saw this amazing documentry film about the Monarch butterfly the other day, they travel and congregate en mass in Mexico......" (talks incessantly about inane subject for next ten minutes with one breath)

Chin up, ears closed, sounds to me like You got this!😁🤟

🌈🦄🐒

If you can do nothing else, be kind

[Knitting20projects]

It’s very hard. I am careful about who we spend time with because of such comments. My mom is very ignorant of neurodiversity and hasn’t bothered to read a book or anything much despite having 2 of her 3 grandchildren with ASD + ADHD. When our daughter was diagnosed with autism, my mom actually said, “But (a family friend) didn’t talk until they were 3, and they went to (Ivy League school).”

[Tenurepollard05]

I understand where the other responders to your post are coming from for sure, but I thought I would share another perspective. Firstly, I am so sorry that you are encountering this. My oldest son, turning 7 next month, was diagnosed earlier this year. I, similar to you, had suspicions throughout those early years about something being off. It took speaking with his kindergarten teacher, who was in her first year of teaching, but had spent the previous year as a TA I’m SpEd, to realize that I was not imagining things or was not just a shitty parent. The emotions were overwhelming, ranging from validation to sorrow. My mind has been truly blown by the response of adults in our lives. We have only shared his diagnosis with adults that are actively in my son’s life and out of those, only close friends and family and caregivers such as his first grade teacher. The automatic response of people either brushing it off (usually the “it seems like every kid has ADHD these days” ignorance) OR downplaying it can be so frustrating. Yes, I can certainly choose to just politely ignore comments and change the topic, but I choose not to for a few reasons. My son is already at a disadvantage out in the world due to having ADHD. There are so many misconceptions and stigmas surrounding this disorder and ultimately that leads to children with it being negatively perceived by adults around them. If you’re someone my kid will never see again then whatever. But if you are a person who will be around him in a perpetual way, I need to educate you. I’m not going to try to convince people that my son has ADHD. He has it. I don’t need to convince you. However what I will do is explain the ways that the disorder affect him in a very real way by sharing evidence based information. For example, the fact that that ADHD is associated with earlier death. The worst cases of ADHD have a 25 year reduction in life expectancy. Car accidents, suicide, less healthy diet, obesity, impulsive eating, eating disorders, risky sexual behavior including becoming parents at a younger age…all issues that stem from ADHD. Specifically ADHD that is not treated or diagnosed until adulthood has so many ramifications on quality of life and length of life expectancy.

If we don’t take the opportunity to educate the people in our kid’s lives, then the general population will never have an understanding of what ADHD really is. This is not some funny, quirky meme. This is a disorder that greatly impacts the quality of life for the person who has it and the people they have relationships with.

Russell Barkley is an absolute gift to the ADHD community. He has a YouTube channel that I find so valuable and highly recommend to you. I use a lot of the data he gives to give people examples of what the real dangers of ADHD are. This podcast episode with him is excellent: spotify.link/wMeQpD25KDb

I wish you strength and peace on this difficult journey!

[Knitting20projects in reply to Tenurepollard05]

I completely agree. Our son is medicated for maximal effect because of these reasons you cite. I mostly mentioned my mom because there are a few people who will never get it, regardless of their need to. Sigh—serenity prayer is something I remind myself of often 🥰

[Tenurepollard05 in reply to Knitting20projects]

I know logically that most people will not open their minds to actually hear what I’m saying when I try to educate them. It’s so sad 😔 I like to think that some day they will get it but as you said the reality is that many people never will! At least our babies can hear us sticking up for them and educating people too though! I hope it will teach my little guy how to advocate for himself in the future 🥺

[Knitting20projects in reply to Tenurepollard05]

Speaking as someone who got diagnosed at 50 with combined type ADHD, I promise you, your son will have a stronger relationship with you throughout life and better self esteem because you didn’t just say “stop talking” etc & actually evaluated what was going on. And he will have way cheaper therapy bills 😂😘

[Nostrings]

Personally I think two is a bit young for diagnosis and as my doctor mentioned anyone under the age of 7 has a touch add/ADHD it’s just kids being kids.

My oldest had teachers in first grade tell me he has adhd/add and we did all the testing and he doesn’t at all.