advice for teenage son with ADHD

[fartheron68]

Hello everyone, I don't think that I have posted since my initial post in 2020 after my son was diagnosed with severe inattentive ADHD. He recently turned 19 and it is still challenging. He managed to make it through his first year of college and is now trying to work in a store where neurotypical people are the norm and he has to adjust. He is taking a non-stimulant medication called Qelbree along with Accenture vitamins. I don't see him "progressing" the way I would like and am trying to figure out what else we can do for him. He is still immature, impulsive and doesn't have a great sense of time (urgency) and oh those intense emotions! He has a girlfriend but no longer has a lot of male friends who he hangs out with. He lost a lot of friends in high school when they were all maturing at a more rapid rate, coupled with how COVID changed everything at the time. He connects with a psychiatrist in our area for the medicine and check-ins, but doesn't do coaching and doesn't go to any ADHD groups beyond that. I have always thought that groups of his peers would be helpful for him. I hear about cognitive behavior therapy. I assume that is more than just talking to a psychiatrist once in a while. I was wondering if anyone had any good ideas and/or contacts in the Charlotte NC area. Thanks in advance for any insight that you can provide. Have a good weekend!

[sophiesmother]

my daughter is 19 and about to start college. The fact that your son works and made it through freshman year is to be celebrated.

Does his school have an Office of Disability Services? Sometimes they have group sessions for learning challenged kids. Is is there a campus group or club he can join so he can get to know people with similar interests where age perception won’t be that big of a deal.

Why no stimulant? Just curious.

Weekly check-ins with an on-campus tutor or academic coach if they have them at his school may be just another point of contact for him.

My daughter sees a psychologist weekly who during the school year helped her with her ADD. But she’s meeting with someone in her university’s mental health department in mid-August to make sure she has support on campus.

Can you encourage him to have a party where he can invite those older friends over and his girlfriend? Or encourage doing other social activities not just with his girlfriend. I beg my daughter to make plans with with friends all summer long. If I didn’t, she’d be a playing games on her phone all day long.

[fartheron68 in reply to sophiesmother]

Thanks for the reply. As for the stimulant, my son started out on Vyvanse prescribed by one of his pediatricians and did that for at least a year or more. After the psychiatrist recommended that we do Genomind testing, and getting and interpreting the results, he moved him to Qelbree. If I am recalling correctly, the Vyvanse might have been good for the focus but maybe not for the anxiety. Anyway, I don't see the focus kicking in like I used to when he was on the stimulant. I have directed him to the office of disability services and he is getting some support through that, but I would love for him to get more involved in groups of his peers.

[Manimami]

Get him on adderall and you will see a change. It won't cure it, but it will help him live a more "normal" life and can also improve the brain and neurological system after just a few years of taking. Also, getting the right treatment can save years of life that could've been lost. We die 7 plus years sooner when we don't get treatment. Please go to Prime Video and watch "The Disruptors." Have your son watch it as well if he can, it will explain alot to both of you. My doctors tried everything but adderall for the first couple of years and it was just time wasted. I took my first adderall and I got a glimpse of what it's like to be normal. The feeling was such a relief. Your son deserves it too.

[fartheron68 in reply to Manimami]

Thanks for the reply. I have heard of The Disruptors and it is on my list to watch. I'll find out some more about Adderall and why he is not on that full-time. It might be due the Genomind test results we got back that his psychiatrist put him on the non-stimulant Qelbree. Enjoy your day!

[sceller]

I'm not sure if I responded to you back in 2020, but I can definitely relate to an immature ADHD 19 year old!

I want to make a comment about Adderall first: my son was on it for years and it did help with concentration for school. But looking back, we both think it contributed a lot to the anger he felt as a teen - he could tell when it wore off. I have hear others comment on this. Adderall is the only ADHD med (besides methylphenidate) that his insurance will cover and he won't take it. (He is now 28 and almost a real adult!) I would recommend Vyvanse. That worked really well for years. Both of these drugs are stimulants.

My second piece of advice is to just wait - your son is really about 16 developmentally. He won't really mature until about 25-26. That seems like a long time and it can be! Let him work, help him manage his money and know that there will be a lot of bumps along the way. My son also had to make all new friends, he was in and out of junior college and he got a lot of speeding tickets. I think he drank a lot when he was 19, but fortunately, never developed a drug problem.

You can't rush the brain development and therapy doesn't really work at this age - they just don't have the maturity to actually follow through on therapy. My son decided on his own to go to therapy this past year, after a break-up with a girlfriend, and I think he felt it was helpful. We made him attend therapy as a teen and it was a huge waste of time and money. This time, it was his decision and his money.

It's great that he made it through a year of college, but don't spend a lot of money if he isn't really committed to returning. Again, we can't force these ADHD kids to suddenly be adults. It's really slow process. Your son will probably go through lots of jobs over the next few years and he may do some dumb things, but if you can support him - maybe in the background - he will make it to adulthood. Oh - and try and be positive - I've finally managed to learn this. I think our kids have heard so much negative things over their lives, that they are thrilled to hear good things.

Good luck!