CHADD's ADHD Parents Together

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My teenage son recently diagnosed with ADHD

Hi everyone,

Just joined tonight and its nice to find a community that can relate to whaTs happening in my life. My son is 14years old. I have had him diagnosed 3 times. He has struggled his whole life in school and have spent a fortune in tutors. All the teachers never agreed, he was labeled class clowm.Finially, 4th marking period his English teacher agreed and went again and he was diagnosed with ADHD. I went full speed ahead with school meeting s . Got him the 504 plan. Unfortunately, not all the teachers followed the plan I was constantly emailing and following up. Spending $150 on tutors every week for him.

I am really scared for him to start highschool with having such a stressful experience with him.

13 Replies

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EJsMom

I’m a bit panicked at the thought of my 14 year son starting high school too!

I applaud you for hiring tutors. My son failed every class in 8th grade and is being promoted to 9th anyway.

He’s smart enough to do the work but refuses to do it.

I will be thinking of you and your son in about 6 weeks when it all starts.

I’m also frightened at the thought that I only have 4 more years to make this kid a contributing member of society. Not sure it’s gonna happen ☹️

IF he graduates at all, I will cry my eyes out with relief!

Baglady5353

in reply to EJsMom

I am sending you a very big hug! If it was up to him he would of failed out. O was able to get an honors student to work with him once a week, a college student both very reasonable. Then one who was expensive. Still working with 3 ttutors a week. He barely passed. He failed math.

My district is blue ribbon school s but I truly believe not for the student that has a learning disability. I am mentally exhausted to keep pushing him to just pass.

I wish you and your son the very best

.let's keep connected and share ideas and solutions. God bless

EJsMom

in reply to Baglady5353

I feel that so many schools are not equipped to handle kids with ADHD&ODD.

Thanks for your reply! Yes, keep in touch. I may take a cue from you and hire a tutor this fall.

Courtney85

Is it possible that you could send him to a boarding school that specifically addresses and works with ADHD kids? The kids are helped (not punished for having a disability) and given strategies for everyday things like keeping a clean living space and study halls with tutors. In hindsight, I wish I did this. However, realistically the cost would be outrageous for 2 of my kids at the same time. Perhaps the financial sacrifice would have been an investment of a lifetime.

seller

in reply to Courtney85

I wanted to tell you that we did send our son to a boarding school; mostly due to his defiance in high school and yes, it was very expensive. It did allow him to graduate from with a decent GPA and it kept him safe and secure for 18 months. (And we were happy because by the time he left, we couldn't stand each other! ) But the sad truth is that there's no way to "hurry" the maturing process and our boys are 2-3 years behind their peers. My son learned how to keep his room neat and clean, how to clean a bathroom, how to get homework done, etc etc....but until very recently, he chose not to do any of those things! He is now 23,lives on his own, has enrolled in college again, and sometimes cleans his car and apt....but it's been a long road with lots of bumps along the way! I wish I could say that there's an "aha" moment, when they realize they need to get with the program, but there isn't......it just sort of gradually emerges!

Baglady5353

in reply to seller

Thank you so much for sharing and your suggestions. It's a challenge every day. Thank goodness , he has baseball which is all year round for him, and basketball. He realeases alot of his energy and keeps him busy.

I am preparing myself for the next school year And our journey. Praying for a positive year with new teachers. I will keep your suggestion in mind.

Thanks again

Courtney85

in reply to seller

Seller, did your relationship get back on track after high school or about at 23? I’m asking because my daughter is 20 and really dislikes me for being a nag and the fact I’ve had to “dig in” to her when the going got tough. I didn’t give up - I addressed every issue. My husband hid from everything and remained the good guy. She wants us to get divorced so she can live with him and have all expenses paid. And she will- because he seriously can not say no to anything. It’s not healthy. How can she ever like me again? Of course, I love her immensely, and my love is unconditional,BUT as a parent I have to teach her to have s conscious and do right in the world

seller

in reply to Courtney85

I am happy to say that yes, our relationship has improved. We are all able to have civilized conversation and spend time together. However, it's taken years....so don't give up! The interesting thing is that my son did actually "internalize" the values we tried to instill in him - he's basically a nice guy and I am cautiously optimistic that he will be able to have a good life as he gets older. I say "cautiously" because there have been so many bumps in the road and it seems to take so long for these kids to mature. (Don't get me started on the speeding tickets and failed college courses!) I think parents with ADHD kids need to lower their expectations quite a bit. We might not be quite as frustrated if we don't expect as much! This is not to say that our kids are not smart....my son is on college now and taking his ADHD meds and he's doing fine, but they definitely have other challenges. So don't give up on your daughter....I am betting that she does know that you have her best interests at heart. She just will not tell you for a few more years. I know this sounds terrible, but my son was so obnoxious to us that we moved him to a small apartment when he was 19 and he was not allowed in our house! Keep holding her accountable and don't expect too much from her, but don't roll over and give in to everything either!

Courtney85

in reply to seller

Thank you! You made me feel so much better and your advice is perfect

Ldydy24

Welcome. Sorry to hear you had a challenging time getting your son diagnosed. I have a 13 yr old son who was diagnosed at the age of 5 but only because I advocated for the testing. You as a parent know your child and if they are struggling you know something isn't right so continue to fight for them. Does your son take ADHD medicine to help him focus? It makes a huge difference for my son and I highly recommend it. He's an A /B student in a Catholic school and realizes without the medicine he would struggle. The medicine also helps to give him the confidence he needs to succeed. I also pay to have him tutored once a week for English/Writing given it's his hardest subject and it definitely helps. Otherwise it's a screaming match at night if he comes home with English homework! Keep on your sons teachers if they are not following the 504 plan.

Baglady5353

Thank you for sharing. I had him tested 3 times, he was always on that border line. So he was never diagnosed

Yes, we had started him on the medicine

He has a a huge personality, loved by all of his friends. I was nervous that his personalit would change but he is fine.he told me he feels the medicine it definitely helps him focus which is great. He is a big baseball player, he said he sees the ball differently. And ever since he's on the medicine has had amazing t hits at bat. So, medicine he needs and it's positive. I do know when it's wearing off. He struggled with homework at the end and I realized meds wore off

So, the Dr. Give him an additional 4 hour pill only when needed.

I have an appt next week with the nerologist because I feel it possibly can be something else. I want to talk to the Dr. About processing. My son would.meet with the tutor the night before and go in the next day and forgot everything.

Thanks for your advice and listen to me ramble. I think about his 24.7

TeeTeeK

You have to stay on the teachers!! We would meet and they would say "We will give him his notes, Will we do this and that, and I do not know if it was just to appease me or to have on paper that they acted like they were going to help. I had ONE teacher that I felt like truly cared about him and was constantly on him to "Come back to earth." I know they got tired of hearing from me, even had one tell me that I needed to teach my son responsibility!! He was a 13yr. old boy with A.D.D!!! I get tired of taking his games and phone, I feel like I am punishing him for being A.D.D and it is not his fault!! He does not talk back, he does not throw fits. He just does not do what needs to be done, he is so quiet that most of the time you do not know that he is in the room. I always said that he had the potential to fall thru the cracks, and I feel like he did. We are from a very small town, the classes are not so crowded that they could not notice that he was in La-La land. His grades were bad and he got depressed. Good luck and keep us posted.

awesomealexsmom

High school is a great chance for a fresh start with new administration. Get an appointment with his academic advisor right away and get him on the 504 plan. The 504 plan is in place so that by law the school has to make reasonable accommodations for your son with ADHD. My son is 15 and will be a junior. His plan allows for him to get all class notes before class, he can take pictures of homework with his phone if the teacher writes it on the board, he can take tests in the library if he needs a quiet place for testing, and he can have an extra day to turn in homework if he makes arrangements.

Last year, I was proactive for the new school year. I went to the back to school night and got contact info for all of my sons teachers. I later called or emailed them to inform them right away that he has a 504 plan with the school and what accommodations were made in the past. I gave them my info so they could reach me if necessary.

Unfortunately, you will still need to be your son's best advocate to make sure all teachers are on board. Remind them that this is the law! (I googled and read all the legal info about the 504 plan.) I only had to remind one teacher that wasn't giving my son a copy of notes that the 504 plan went through the school district and was approved to be reasonable accommodations.

Hope this helps.