Son with possible ADHD

[YEMS]

My son is showing all the characteristics of a child with ADHD. He has an appointment with the neurologist to evaluate him this coming week. I did not want to accept it. He is such a bright kid but he can't focus in school and is doing really bad in Language Arts and Math. He can't stay still and he is very disruptive and tackles the kids. He is also spaced out and wanders. Teachers and summer camp personnel say is not malicious but they cannot redirect him all the time. He is such a sweet boy but often gets frustrated and me personally ... I am feeling very depressed that no one wants to deal with him. I am so frustrated. It is so tough. I don't know where to start. I am always thinking about his future is he going to be like that forever, is he going to be a good person, will he take the right path when he grows old. He is only 6 and is the love of my life.I am devastated. Why do people expect that all kids act the same? why is society so judgmental?!

[ElinaK35]

Hi, all of your concerns and questions are valid and understandable. Fortunately, we actually live in a time where people are much more knowledgeable about a variety of neurological disorders like ADHD and Autism. When I was little we had two classifications for kids... good kid (smart) or bad kid (or an idiot)... I am very grateful that there is more research, studies, support groups, and knowledge out there, especially since my little boy has ASD and I have two step children who live with us full time and one has ADHD with ODD and the other just has ADHD (both kids have different types of ADHD). Let me assure you that if your child is only 6 and does get the diagnosis, he is fully capable of growing up into a wonderful, self-sufficient adult. Will he need help? Definitely. ADHD has nothing to do with how smart your child is. I hear many people say, "but how can he/she have ADHD, he/she is so smart". That is an old misconception. ADHD is an "executive function" disorder. Most children are very smart and possess all age appropriate knowledge and more. However there is a disconnect between the knowledge center of the brain and the part that uses that knowledge to act and react. Take it one step at a time. If your child gets the diagnosis you can schedule a meeting at the school and get your child an IEP. In my experience school professionals are experienced and welcome special accommodations if they are in the best interest of the child and can make things easier for them. I will give you some examples of what our son with ADHD gets: movement breaks during class, accommodations during tests (either more time or taking the test one on one with a teacher), putting his hood on and putting his head down to calm himself, occupational therapy and group sessions with other kids for socialization... As of right now, medication is the best thing we have to battle the symptoms of ADHD. Both our kids are on different medications. Our daughter has the ADHD where she is fidgety and can't concentrate at all so the medication really helps her learn better in school. There are charts and therapy and rewards systems... The most important thing is how much love you have for that little boy... everything else will fall into place... just take it one step at a time. If you have any questions please ask.

[YEMS in reply to ElinaK35]

Thanks so much for all of this. I am so happy to have found this organization. I am so afraid of medicating him but I guess that if this will help him be more functional it will be the best way to go. He has not being diagnosed yet but for sure he is because he has all the signs.

[Pennywink]

Everything ElinaK35 wrote is spot on.

My son was diagnosed ADHD this February at age 6. Like your son, he is super sweet and super bright. Personally, I found it a relief to find out what is wrong and start researching / opening doors to help him. I'm thankfully we got an earlier diagnosis, so we can get ahead of the issues while he is young and help set the stage for a great future for him. Having an official diagnosis also helped drive getting the school involved - his teacher was awesome and started making accommodations way before a diagnosis.

Having volunteered in his classroom, I could definitely see the issues his teacher was reporting, and how my son was definitely standing out from other students. He would even tell me about being distracted and that he worries he will get in trouble for it, but can't stop it.

I agree that we shouldn't demand kids fit into this cookie cutter mold, and he is only 6, but talking to him and witnessing him spacing out in class really helped me see that there is an actual problem happening that needs addressed.

[siebgal]

This sounds so familiar. My son was diagnosed when he was 5. It took me a long time to accept the diagnosis but I stood by and watched him upset friends, other parents and teachers with his impulsive behavior. It's a stressful, exhausting and often lonely world for parents. The nice part about getting the diagnosis is that you will hopefully be connected with professionals that will guide you with strategies for your son. Find a support group nearby where you can meet with parents of ADHD and talk/get advice. Society is going to judge him no matter what, ADHD or not. Your job is to lift him up, play up his strengths, show him how what he has to offer this world with his bright mind and high energy. Search famous people who also had/have ADHD. It is very inspiring. My son is a massive handful but he is so unique that he will rule the world (when he stops ticking everyone off). Research dietary changes you can make at home. We see positive differences when my son avoids processed foods, artificial dyes, and gets enough protein at each meal. Sleep and exercise are critical, things every child needs, but our super kids need them the most to be their awesome selves!

[YEMS in reply to siebgal]

Wow!! thanks so much...I will definitely try to inspire him with famous people that also suffered with ADHD I like that idea and definitely start the changes in his nutrition...he loves to eat and that is also one of my concerns a lot of people have told me that when they are medicated their eating habits change (like they don't want to eat much). He can be very exhausting and a handful... I want to work on his self esteem because he worries and gets very frustrated when he cannot do things right. As I mentioned before he is very bright and most of the kids or all of the kids that suffer ADHD are very smart and that was why I was so frsutrated because we see them struggling even though they have a high capacity... and most people look at them like troublemakers and cannot see beyond that and really don't like to spend time trying to be a good impact in their lives... my son was in a charter school and the teacher was always complaining and just did not want to deal with him he was often taken out of class and sent to another room to calm down which for me that was not a good strategy because he was feeling neglected. It saddened me so much...I am suffering so much but today I have an appointment with a psychologist who specializes in ADHD and used to be a teacher just to have the tools to deal with myself and all of this. I think this is going to be a blessing in our lives.