School Help

[LostMommy]

My daughter is in first grade and her behavior only seems to be escalating. She is suspended again for the 2nd time this year. She has an IEP. How can I support her to be successful at school and decrease increased behavioral outbursts?

[Hidden]

So sorry that your daughter is in trouble at school. It must be frustrating for you since she has IEP and still she is not enough supported. I mean ‘suspending’ it’s not really a sanction for a child, it’s punishing a parent. And that’s not right.

Is she on medication? Have you discussed with her doctor what options there are- something that reduces reactivity, maybe even slightly sedating. It may well be that she will need it only for some time.

What are her triggers? Do you think kids pick on her because they realised she is ‘reactive’?

[Imakecutebabies]

It is SO frustrating and disheartening when our kids get in trouble at school. I was in disbelief when my son got suspended in *kindergarten*!

Three things that have really helped my son do better in first grade:

1) A better teacher... The one thing we have no control over but makes a huge difference;

2) guanfacine, which makes him less emotionally reactive so while he's still impulsive, he's not triggering a fight-or-flight response to everything; and

3) a very detailed positive rewards system that was set up in tandem with the county's (yes, there's only one for the whole county, and he was assigned to my son, the need was that great) behaviorist.

He has 3 areas he's working on (e.g. safe body, following directions, etc--they can change as the needs change), gets 0, 1, or 2 points in each area after every subject during the day (which requires a check-in with the teacher which grants him attention that he'd otherwise seek in other ways), has a goal for # of points to get during the day that was established based on his measured baseline so he'd be successful, rather than based on our actual desires, and gets an immediate (cheap) reward at the end of the school day if he makes his goal. Goal is slowly raised during the year as he continues to meet with success.

I wish your daughter luck and future success. Hang in there.

[Trying1978]

I just wanted to quickly second the "teacher" argument. I have two ADHD kiddos (1st and 3rd Grade). My 3rd grader has a very nice but relatively inexperienced teacher this year and the teacher's own lack of classroom management experience has definitely helped intensify some (existing pronlems). I'm not saying it's always or ever totally the teacher's fault (I am one!), but I've seen first-hand what a big effect it can have. Hang in there!

[randomscreenname]

Read and share Mona Delahooke's books

[BLC89]

Hello LostMommy

I am so sorry you are going through this with your little one. That is very stressful. It sounds like the school is ill equipped to handle your daughter. A couple of thoughts spring to mind. First, is she on medication? Does it need to be adjusted or try a different one?

If not on medication, find a cardio sport she likes. High cardio sports have been found to be nearly as effective as meds in many cases. You are giving her the gift of good health and a more stable mood. Find something that really gets her hooked, different sports like swimming, or cycling can be interesting to the ADHD brain but anything with a bit of strategy seems to do the trick.

Not sure it works for the family but, you could consider homeschooling for a little while until you get her moods more even. She can still play at the park with friends or have them come over but she won't have the stress of having to sit through a school day.

Schools are not designed for different thinkers and even the tools put in place to support the different thinkers are not created by different thinkers, they are still trying to get them to "fit" into school.

Explain to your daughter that she is a different thinker, there is nothing wrong or broken about her. It arms them with the understanding that they are OK, they are not lacking in any way. My daughter loved mazes and I love word searches. She was Maze Brain and I was Word Search Brain and I would go to her "OK Maze brain who would you ____? My Word Search Brain can't figure this out" She quickly had a solution, even as a very young child, and it taught her that she thinks differently and that is a good thing. She can figure stuff out that the Word Search brains can't, it is a super power.

Keep in mind that the prefrontal cortex of ADHDers develops more slowly than average. Your child can be emotionally 3+ years behind their physical age. And they can be 4+ years ahead of their age intellectually or with physical ability. It is very confusing to everyone, including your kid. Your 6 or 7 year old is only 3 or 4 emotionally. If you can parent her emotional side as a younger child you can alleviate some of your frustration and reduce your expectations for her emotional responses. They just aren't going to be the same as other 6 or 7 year olds.

Good luck with everything, I hope some of this helps.

BLC89

full disclosure I am an ADHD Parent Coach and have two grown ADHD children