Surviving with 2 ADHDERS in my family - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

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Surviving with 2 ADHDERS in my family

Bluewife profile image

I am the mother of an ADHD child, who is now 23 years old. She got pregnant and fortunately is giving the baby up for adoption, as she has no means to care for him. She will be going to school to finish her Nurse’s aid class. In addition my husband is adhd, and at times narcissistic, the two of them fight like crazy. Anyway, I am worried my daughter will be successful, she has a hard time making friends, currently is dating a real jerk, much older. Should I say “I did the best I could?” I really did! But I had great hopes for her.

7 Replies

Wow, that’s tough. I understand wanting your kid’s life to turn out a certain way and I’m sure you planted plenty of seeds as she was growing up. At the end of the day though, she’s an adult and has to make her own choices/mistakes. For your own sanity, my (unprofessional) advice would be to let go of feeling responsible for her. Pray for her to know Jesus and look for His plan for her life.

I am struggling with letting go of my hopes and dreams for my 20 year old. It's so hard but I can only imagine how hard life is for them. Your daughter is going through some difficult times right now especially since she's pregnant. I would just keep holding her hand as she makes her own decisions. Thank God she has you to lean on.

Your daughter is about to enter into the hardest journey of her life while making an adoption plan. She is going to need a tremendous amount of support to deal with her grief. I am not sure what kind of plan she has made with the adoptive couple , if it is a closed or open adoption, however this will be a life changing event for her. Please don’t think “ giving up the baby” is the end of an issue. Educate yourself and husband about adoption, learn how to best help your daughter with her decision, learn about the grief process, learn the correct adoption terminology. Be kind and supportive, remember success can be measured in so many different ways.

I adopted my son from one of my students who has ADD and depression and was definitely not ready to parent, especially since my son has many of the same issues. Adoption is so hard but can be really wonderful. We've kept it open and see his maternal family often, birthmother and grandparents. It's like we expanded our family to include all of them. I encourage you to have her ask for an open adoption! You can still be a part of child's life and they will know you love them and where they came from. Also, many adoptive parents are prepared to handle the added challenges that adopted children often face and have had to prepare extra hard to become a parent. Wishing you all the best!

I agree with boymom. Parenting is so difficult because this little thing that we once literally a part of you grows into an independent being. You have to let her have her own path, without expectations or disapproval. All kids just want to be loved unconditionally by their families. If she knows that you will love her no matter what she does, maybe she’ll get to the “big things” she is capable of. And let’s remember those nurse’s aids may not have respect and responsibility, but the ones with kindness and compassion have impacted many who are sick.

It’s hard to belief that “Life Happens”. I love the saying that behind every great kid is a Parent who is pretty sure they are screwing it all up. I’ve learned that stepping back and just asking questions about their circumstances without judgment or expectation allows them to think about it and feel out different options. Her choices will help make her the wonderful adult that she will be and it sounds as if she is making the best choice for her and the baby. I love the consideration of an open adoption if she feels it is right for her. I am still learning. Prayer for providing guidance is a great way to go… providing support, love and professional counseling is a great way to go.

My daughter at 20 was still very unstable. At 35 her life is very good but she still has anxiety issues. Remember the ADHD brain is behind in development so it is not her biological age.

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