Had a long discussion with my husband last night, he held me, we talked, I cried. I am just so frustrated, scared, confused, and worried! I have anxiety (self diagnosed as an adult, had it since my early teens). I cannot stop worrying about my child and how his ADHD and anxious and oppositional behavior is going to effect his life! It's driving me up the wall. I'm constantly on the phone, searching for providers, making appointments, doing my own research. The ADHD is effecting me more than my son at this point! I love my son with all my being, it's so hard to watch this struggle unfold before my eyes and not be able to "fix" it for him. I don't want my worry to interfere with me being a great mom and wife. Anyone got any pointers on how to STOP WORRYING my life away?
Ps. I go to meditation once a week, that has helped... but obviously not enough, my husband last night said I'm driving him nuts talking about everything! Lol
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Shotsymama
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Hi I don't really have any pointers, but I can identify with you because I too am going through the same exact thing. My son was diagnosed with ADHD & ODD as well. Yes it is truly heart breaking to see my baby boy go through so much and me as his mom can't fix him. Sometimes I feel so helpless. I do break down and cry and also after he falls asleep, just sit and stare at him for hours trying to figure out how all of this happened and will our family survive this. Then I stop and say..." God will not put on me no more than I can bare". Then I wipe my tears from my eyes and just thank God for my little guy because he could have been born with a whole lot more serious condition and aliments but he wasn't, and with that I have to thank God and ask him give me the strength that I need to make it through another day with my boy. I hope this was up some comfort to you and your family I'll be praying for you and your son god bless you.
I am in the exact same boat. What I try to do is take things not only one day at a time, but one moment at a time. Because we all know that with children with ADHD and in particular ODD, a moment or mood can change very quickly. Worrying about the future will do nothing but make life more difficult for you and ultimately your family because they will feel the stressful anxious energy you're putting out. This is not easy! Some days I can do great and some days not so great. I would suggest too that if the meditation helps, then download a daily meditation app or get a book of them so you can do it every day.
My son has ADHD and he is 7 . I thought I was mangeing my emotions about his behavior till the school decided that he doesn’t need the help he is getting. I went through the meetings ,Mediation with the school district and talked to couple of lawyers so far the last three months has been from hell for me . Am preoccupied all the time . I feel like I am looking at my children and not even seeing them . I can’t sleep, I keep worrying about my little boy at school next year , how is he going to manage without help . He is already having days when he is very moody and cry for the smallest things. The lawyers asking a lot of time and money and mental energy that I don’t have and they are not guaranteeing anything. Every night after he sleep I sit next to him and llook at him and wish I could cure him but again I thank god that he doesn’t have a worse problems . My husband is not a help at all ,He doesn’t ask me how things are going with anything he waited for me to tell him then he gets frustrated and angry when he hear about it .
I wasn’t born here nor I have family or friends to help , I have full time stressful job and 3 kids and my 80 y old mom that lives with me and I am trying to maneuver through the education system all by myself. Would I be failing my son is I can’t stop the school from taking his help away ?
Please know that you are not alone .Try to enjoy your little boy the way he is . Time is passing so fast and we are so consumed by our anxiety and worries that we are missing their childhood .
I agree with Faith try to take one day at a time and pray to God for your peace .
My husband has anxiety. It was so bad at one point that he would have panic attacks if he was alone, he rarely left the house, and thought he was having heart attacks all the time. He went to therapy and also takes a very low dose of antidepressant and he doesn’t have the severe anxiety anymore.
First, please remember that you are not alone by any means. Although my ADHD son is 30 now and still has some issues, my husband and I went through absolute agony over our beloved son. It was like having a sword over our heads all the time. I cried inside when he was lonely at age 6 and could not make a friend. I was sick when he kept getting in trouble at day camp. It sickened me that the school and teachers and psychologists only cared about nagging us to drug him so he wouldn't be a "behavior problem." We fought like tigers for special education services all through school and refused to over-medicate him. We researched diet, read books on behavior modification and positive reinforcement. Many times, our kids get so much negative reinforcement that they become oppositional and hostile. A reward system that works for your child could do wonders, plus research on diet. I could go on for hours about my feelings of betrayal by the "system" that is supposed to be helping. This is why I thought to tell parents who are are in as much pain as we were about my books on createspace.com and Amazon.com. I am not writing you to just be a phony and advertise my books, especially since my percentage is barely $2.00 a book. It may help to see ADHD from the child's perspective. One book is "I have ADD and I'm Proud To Be Me." Another is "Nolan No Learned to Love Yes." I wrote and illustrated them from my love and pain for my grown up child and the feelings I still carry inside me to this day. I have a B.A. in Psychology but my books are the mother expressing what we parents and children all went through in an artistic manner. I wish you all the best. Please remember a piece of advice a child psychologist gave me. "You are not helping your son by feeling guilty and upset." Tearing yourself apart will only make your child feel that you are hurting and it is all his fault. Try and be the loving and supportive parent he needs and remember that when the complaints about behavior pile up. Another bit of advise I learned on my own is do not give a damn about whether or not anyone at school thinks you are a nice person. You are your child's number one advocate. Let them think you are great big pain in the ass - -it will help you get the services you need in school for him and discourage them from just trying to send you to the pharmacy. My heart is totally in your corner and please write any time. Wendy
I'm in your shoes.... sometimes these issues consume me. I go on a date with my husband, and my mom reminds me as I'm walking out the door, to not discuss problems, but just have fun. I find myself quiet while we're out......I'm so consumed by ADHD issues, that I often feel like I have nothing else to even talk about. I recognize that it's not healthy. I'm purposing to reach out and rekindle some hobbies, despite how crunched my time is for such things. I'm reaching out to God in faith, trying to give this heavy burden to Him to carry. Since it truly is too heavy for me.
I've struggled with anxiety myself and I'm so grateful to have a husband with a positive attitude who helps me put things in perspective. We have to do the same thing with our kids as well, help them put things in perspective and express confidence in them . . . let them know that we believe in them. If we don't have confidence in them how can they have confidence in themselves?
All parents worry about their kids, and we probably worry more than others because our kids take longer to learn things. Just know that there's hope for your child and hope for you to make it through these difficult years of stress.
Worrying was driving me crazy. In the words of comedian Katt Williams " Sometimes you gotta let real sh*t be real sh*t" We know they are going to have bad days thats a given. But continue to know you are doing your very best. I used to worry to the point Id think my heart was going to give out. Thats not ok. I changed my kids diet and it has done wonders. My 7 year old still has her moments but not as much. Trust me it works. I love you if no one told you today. You got this!
Thank you for this!! Somethings it is so hard to balance everything in life that with things start to fall apart I just can't handle it.... I need to post this on my wall
Honestly, even though I know there is no real advice to give (other than JUST STOP! Lol) it helps sooooo tremendously know that there are other parents out there going through the same hair pulling, after bedtime crying, self-help obsessing struggle 🙃 Thank you every parent here!
I feel the same way-- sometimes I wonder if I put myself on anxiety medication if my ADHD child would fair better. I think much of her behavior is a product of me over worrying and picking at ever move she makes and every interaction she has.
Have you thought of anxiety medication for yourself? I haven't gone to the doctor, but I am considering it.
I will also say... as far as our behavior effecting our children... 100,000% agree there! I try my hardest to take my own mommy time outs... I literally tell my son "mommy can't talk right now, I need to take a timeout." He doesn't really understand, but it's better to confuse him a little than to yell at him if I don't take a breather.
I am fairly anti-pharma... not that they don't help people and I know that it is necessary in lots of circumstances!.. however I ALWAYS try to treat naturally first. I am exploring essential oil blends for myself right now and also trying meditation. I think that diet and exercise are much lacking on my part also... trying to help myself that way first. I spent a good portion of my teenage years on antidepressants, trying to get medication and dosage aligned can reek havoc on you!
Same thing here. I wish I had another mom I could talk with, instead of just on the boards. I feel lonely at times because I don't think my husband worries as much as I do....
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