My 7 year old is destroying our family! Need help...

[ckozmom]

My 7 year old daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, SPD, anxiety, and depression. Some have said she might be on the autism spectrum. We've tried everything from meds, therapists, etc. She rules our household. Nothing is working. Our other children are being negatively effected by her behavioral issues. We are thinking of residential treatment. Do any other parents have similar issues? Can't find any parent forums on residential treatment facilities for kids with mental health issues. PLEASE help

[Onthemove1971]

Ckozmom- parenting can be a challange and then add that our children request us to view them and life differently. A few thoughts..

Have you been to her counseling appt. With her, to discuss the issues you are having?

Has your daughter seen a child psychiatrist? Medication is very necessary for children with the issues she has. Like a person who has diabetes needs inclin, same with your daughter.

Also I didn't notice you say that you have attended any parenting classes, either online or in person.

The way in which we choose to deal with behavior in our kids can impact how they act. Your family is a community and it is helpful to all be on board with dealing with things that benefit everyone. There are coaches (for children with ADHD) maybe they could be hired to give you advice.

Best of luck on dealing with things.

[ckozmom in reply to Onthemove1971]

Done all those things. She tends to have the opposite effect to meds. Like meds that calm you down end up making her hyper.

[Cjkchamp]

I also looked into RTC because things with my son were so bad. What I found was a facility that would only do a brief hold to stabilize him. I was expecting more help and was met with disappointment. My son was on a stimulant and a non-stimulant st the time. The psychiatrist wanted to add Prozac to the list. I was at a loss because things just seemed to be getting worse despite trying medications, supplements, etc. the psychiatrist then recommended broad spectrum micronutrients. They changed our lives. My son stabilized and has come off his medications. I would encourage you to investigate them. There are two companies, Hardy Nutritionals and True Hope. The dr did not prefer one over the other. Wishing you the best.

[ckozmom in reply to Cjkchamp]

Is that like Calm G supplement? Is that one of them?

[Cjkchamp in reply to ckozmom]

I haven’t heard of calm g before. My son uses the Hardy Nutritionals Daily Essential Nutrients.

hardynutritionals.com/

[Cjkchamp in reply to ckozmom]

I feel your desperation in your writing. I just want you to know that I understand and I empathize with you. Breathe and keep pushing forward one second, one minute, one hour at a time. It’s beyond difficult, and when we have reached the point of looking for RTC the fear and pain is excruciating. Doing all we can still doesn’t feel like enough. You are strong, stronger than you know. I’m also going to recommend you look at a possible PANS/PANDAS diagnosis. A lot of it hit home with me and I was about to have my son evaluated when he micronutrients started working. Sending you strength and hope!

[Cjkchamp in reply to ckozmom]

hardynutritionals.com/healt...

[Pennywink]

Wow - so sorry to hear that! Unfortunately, I don’t know much about residential treatment.

What meds & therapies have you tried? Some are definitely superior to others and what works varies from person to person.

It can take some trial & error to find the best fit.

I’m also going to second Onthemove here - if you haven’t done any parent training, it is highly advised. ADHD / ODD require some unique super parenting techniques & accommodations that can have a huge impact. Our local children’s hospital offers free workshops in Triple P, but any positive parenting program will probably yield results (such as nurtured heart, love & logic, CPS, even 1-2-3 Magic when used positively, etc.)

Perhaps if you have specific examples of some things you are dealing with, we might be able to more effectively help you.

[ckozmom in reply to Pennywink]

We’ve tried every method of parenting and get family counseling weekly. Nothing works ;(

[Momrocket]

I am sorry things are so difficult for you and your family right now.

We have gotten lots of behavioral help by following a gluten- dairy- dye- and flavoring-free diet, and from prescription vitamins from Mensah Medical. They do outreach clinics throughout the US.

If you haven’t tried a dietary intervention, you will be surprised at how powerful an impact it can have on behavior. In addition, she may have a metabolic problem which causes her to lose zinc and b6. If so, the low zinc and b6 prevent her from making her neurotransmitters, resulting in anxiety and depression. If you can get those under control her behavior will improve markedly. The diet also supports this problem because many additives (dyes, flavorings, and preservatives) further lower zinc levels.

Finally, Dr.Mensah is now doing a trial of Zing Performance which might also be very helpful for promoting her brain development. You may want to look into that as well.

Please do not give up on your daughter. She needs you. Helping her be more functional and happy in the world will be the best path forward for your family. This will allow everyone to heal.

[ckozmom in reply to Momrocket]

She’s on that diet. Literally nothing changes! ;(

[Momrocket in reply to ckozmom]

If she has Pyroluria (liver condition causing low zinc/b6) it will make her a person that is difficult to live with. My husband & son turned around on that protocol. Her brain is way out of balance. If you do not have nutrient balance to start with, the drugs don’t work as well and you suffer more side effects. Treatment with prescription vitamins helps, but they must be prescribed by a doctor trained in the method.

Best of luck to you and your family.

[ckozmom in reply to Momrocket]

What type of doctor provides this? We have her in Calm G supplement as well.

[Needtips]

I can sooo relate. My daughter is 15 and it is a nightmare being around her🙁. It makes me profoundly sad to say that.

She has Inattentive ADHD and (although not being definitively diagnosed with the co-morbidities), she has ODD towards myself and my ex., and in addition, cannot regulate her emotions.

After two weeks of an eight week summer camp commitment, she got kicked out, and I've been with her 24/7 driving her daily to volunteer at various organizations!

She's been in a residential treatment faculty (4weeks) and like you, she really might need a long term program. I've done some research and they are out there, but extremely expensive. We cannot afford approx $50k per year. A long shot would be the public school sending her away (as a non -public alternative).

My ex and I have done it all and have worked with various professionals (and will continue to do so). We just added abilify to her cocktail mix. I'm praying that will help along with all the therapies we continue to do.

Good luck to us all 🤪

[ckozmom in reply to Needtips]

So sorry. My daughter is on aderral xr and a booster, along with Prozac and abilify

[chelseymoore34]

Have you tried Guanfacine as a treatment? It's typically just used for blood pressure regulation but they have started using it on kids with add, adhd, and anxiety. That mixed with zoloft was a lifesaver for my son with similar issues.

[ckozmom in reply to chelseymoore34]

That made her hyper and wouldn’t let her sleep. Also gave her ticks!

[chelseymoore34 in reply to ckozmom]

So crazy! It's the only thing that stopped my son's tics! I'm so sorry that nothing is working for you. I can't imagine the position you're in. Know that you have support from the community no matter what you choose.

[ckozmom in reply to chelseymoore34]

This is the first support group I’ve ever had online. I’m exhausted. My first marriage of 13 years ended because of our daughter. We had to get a break so that was the only way. We have 3 kids together. I’m now remarried and have a 4th with him. My daughter is now causing issues with my 2nd marriage and my husband doesn’t want our little one around her. It’s a nightmare

[Mmagusin in reply to ckozmom]

My son has severe ADHD & ODD which only got worse with marital conflict. How long ago did your first marriage end? How long ago did you get married? I ask because transition can have a huge negative impact & cause a spiral of bad behavior & cycle of conflict.

[miss_smith]

Don’t know how to help you. I am a solo mom, have a 4 year old, ADHD. It’s not easy. Sometimes I think he is destroying my life. It’s hard getting out of the house with him because a haircut appointment is exhausting and it’s hard to stay at home. I have now a broken arm in a cast as he broke it jumping on it on a “exciting moment”. All I know is that I love him and keep going as I hope to things get better soon. I could tell you to believe in God or anything like this, but it’s veery personal. Believe in your love for your child and hope for the best.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to miss_smith]

So sorry about your arm. YES, for us it is knowing something will work out, even if it is just hanging in until he matures.. our son is 12 years old and there were times ( and rarely now) that I wondered..

But things are much better that he is starting to control himself.

Just believing I could it helped me a lot.

Thanks

[Climbermother]

I feel your pain. My 10 year old was a nightmare child at 6. I felt like my life was ruined and I could not give my younger children the attention they needed. He threw fits daily and tore stuff up. He yelled and screamed. He didn’t listen to me and argued with everything I said. His energy was off the charts and even when he was happy he he was unmanageable. Sometimes I wanted to give him away.

The good news is that at 10 he is a pleasant, reasonable child. He is still a difficult child but he is not impossible. He has a lot of empathy because he has been through so much. He also tells me a lot about what he is thinking and feeling. Here are the steps we took throughout the years to create the slow but constant progress. Every child is different but maybe something will help.

1). We took him to a neuropsychologist for evaluation. It was long and expensive but it helped us understand him much better. For example, he has a great ability to imagine things like art, and a poor ability to create them. That created a lot of anger and frustration. He also shuts down with time pressure. We learned to prepare him for things sooner than my other kids. I also still help him out now at 10 than I do my current 6 year old. I suppose he will also need more help than normal.

2). I took an 8 hour seminar on the nurtured heart method. It was the only “self help” book/method that made any difference. It worked so well for us.

3). He had tonsil/adenoids surgery. I realized that he had had sleep apnea for years. The lack of good sleep can contribute to ADHD. I admit that I hoped it would make a difference immediately but it didn’t. Over time, however, he has gotten better.

4). We put him on guanfacine as a first step in medicine. It has helped his impulsivity, which got him in trouble a lot.

5). I talk to him frequently about my flaws/challenges. For example, I over-react and get angry a lot. I have trouble controlling my temper. That helped him deal with his own self esteem issues about his temper and flaws.

6) 4 years of play therapy

I don’t know which things had the most impact but I think at 6 he was depressed and angry and had a low self esteem, which exacerbated his existing behavioral problems. The nurtured heart method is phenomenal. The drugs help some. He is also growing up. My advice is: be gentle with yourself, find a hobby that you love, and remember she is struggling too,l. They are so hard, but they are worth it.

Best of luck. From a mom who understands.

Kim