18 yr old daughter with ADHD and ODD struggling

[cpm3203]

My beautiful 18 yr old daughter had diagnosed ADHD and ODD. She's very smart, gifted as a HS sprinter, very creative.... but a handful !!!! We had a councelor for 5 years which she trusts. 2 years ago she also developed an eating disorder which we found out about early on. She spent 1 month in the hospital and then 6 weeks of outpatient eating disorder counseling/meetings. She still has body image problems despite being drop dead beautiful.. She's been involved with trying drugs, vaping and early sex but we have steered clear of major challenges. Just started driving. She is NOT medicated although we have tried multiple stimulants and Strattera. Cant swallow pills so we have found liquid stimulants but they extinguish her appetite which she loves but may lead her head on back into Anorexia again.

Her mom has tried natural remedies, nutritional ideas but our daughter refuses help. She knows everything already just like most teenagers

She hates HS, refuses or fights parent or tutoring help ( ODD ) but should graduate this year. Her black and white thinking with ODD cause major disruptions at home with us and although she is very social ( she gets lots of boy attention), there's always DRAMA somewhere in her life. Wish she could utilize ADHD meds but the danger of anorexia has stopped us multiple times so she has never benefited with focus and organization as many medicated users have. We can see other HS friends excelling in school, going off to college next fall while she ends up working at a low paying job, no specific skill and exposed to less motivated workers. There is some chance she may attend a nearby community college PT and hopefully stay in touch with school while working.

What else can we do ???

[seller]

If your daughter is already experimenting with drugs and having sex, you have had some major challenges! My son is 25 and now takes his Vyvanse daily - he is finally back in college and school is not possible without meds. I know you have concerns about her anorexia, but I can say that without medication, college is probably not an option right now. She is most likely not ready anyway, so save your money! While I know that some of the older ADHD meds do contribute to weight loss, my son has not seen this with his Vyvanse. This might be worth a try. In addition to medication, you should set up some "house rules" for her behavior (just a few) and then stick to them no matter what. We had to take the car away from son at 19, after 3 wrecks and numerous speeding tickets.....

Teens are impulsive and defiant by nature, but ADHD teens are in a class of their own!

[cpm3203 in reply to seller]

Vyvance was the last stimulant we tried last year. Even with a starting low dosage appetite loss was immediate as was weight loss. the psychiatrist and her councelor both said STOP right away. We don't want our daughter to end up dead as several teenage female eating disorder patients she befriended in the hospital 2 years ago. We do have a number of RULES at home. Our daughter is driving now and so far so good. in 2 months. We dont allow any passengers yet ( even her sister) until she has more hours behind the wheel

[seller in reply to cpm3203]

I can certainly understand your concerns with the medication affecting her weight. If she cannot take medication, providing lots of oversight is probably the next best thing, along with sticking to the house rules.

[anirush]

My daughter did all of the same things at your daughter's age. She finally got her act together mid twenties and got a degree but still deals with anxiety.

My grandsons couldn't do stimulants. One is on Straterra but both are on Intuniv which helps with moods, depression and ADHD with the loss of appetite. Two teen age boys are about to eat me out of the house!

Your daughter's age is the worst. Do the best you can to support her and hang in there.

[MaudQ]

I don’t know if this is the response you are looking for, but it sounds like you are doing a good job. You have already successfully navigated some real challenges and your daughter has come out on the other side. Maybe she isn’t ready for college. Some time working a job might ground her, give her some time to catch up developmentally and to think about what her priorities are. And, let’s be honest: sex, drugs, alcohol, self harm etc are all present - if not worse - at college. I teach at the college level and it can be a hard environment for kids who aren’t really ready. I just read “What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew” by Dr. Sharon Saline and she devotes a lot of the book to late adolescents - particularly those who are taking a non linear path to college. Good luck 💜

[SuZQ154]

You seem to be doing a very good job! You have tried many strategies and seem to love your daughter. That's wonderful!

I understand. My daughter went through something very similar.

What worked for her was a Christian eating disorder clinic. It was powerful and life changing for her and our family. Maybe the most impactful part was that our entire family had to go for one week of onsite counseling. This was a unique opportunity and very expensive, yet in the long run...it is what helped the most.

Hope this helps and praying for you this morning!