Daughter diagnosed with ADHD at age 17

[sunshinegirls381]

yikes... as I look back, I saw the signs... but didn't know what we were looking at. Good student, focused athlete.... but we just got a diagnosis of ADHD inattentive type at age 17. She has always struggled making/keeping friends... What can I do at this point to help her repair some of the friendships that have been damaged and prepare her for college (sorority, dating, etc...)

[Pennywink]

Hello & welcome. It isn’t uncommon for girls to get diagnosed late, or missed totally. A friend of mine didn’t get diagnosed until her senior year of college.

I guess I would recommend to start with reading all you can about ADHD from respected, peer reviewed sources. All About ADHD by Thomas Phelan is a good starter book, I find. Smart But Scattered Teens by Peg Dawnson can also help you & her make your home & loves more ADHD-friendly.

You may also want to research medication and see if it is a good fit for you. 80% of people with ADHD see improvement with stimulant medication, so it’s worth at least looking in to.

A counselor or therapist may be able to help with the social skills. You might even be able to reach out to the school counselor for guidance here. Ours has been amazingly helpful. Also, role-playing scenarios at home can help - be sure to praise her wen she gets it right. Kids with ADHD are also usually 2-3+ behind their peers in maturity - so maybe finding groups with a wider range of ages &/or with her interests can benefit. And someone’s they might need to family to fill in as the BFF while they figure things out.

Hopefully some of this is helpful!

[sunshinegirls381 in reply to Pennywink]

Thank you - she is now on medicine and seeing a therapist (though I don't think this therapist is specific to ADHD or trained in CBT -- she is more psycho-emotional support).

It's hard to role-play or intervene with a 17 year-old... I try to make her aware, but she gets frustrated and upset. I want to boost her up rather than make her feel that all she does is wrong. I've encouraged her to talk to her friends and explain some of her behaviors... but she doesn't really want to.

[Apalmer]

Our daughter was just diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type 2. School has made accommodations however, we aren’t seeing great success. We are now scheduled for her to have psych Ed testing which will provide a comprehensive understanding of her learning style , academic strengths , weaknesses , emotional impact , anxiety , etc. for us , this is imperative for her success academically as well as functionally outside of the classroom.

She’s a very strong athlete and has university coaches reaching out with scholarship opportunities but unfortunately her grades plummeted towards second semester in both grade 9 and 10. Stared odd with 80-90’s and ended up with 30’s , 50’s etc. it was so dramatic that I knew there had to be more going on. She’s a good kid, quiet , calm, articulate , has a good ( small) group of friends and is very loving and kind.

I’ve been battling the school as they were very quick to just brush her under the rug and felt that her getting a 50 was ok and we should just be happy she got her credit and move on from it.

I take it that your daughter has not struggled academically ? Was it identified purely by relationship /social issues ?

[sunshinegirls381 in reply to Apalmer]

thank you -- I am trained in early childhood development as well as coping and resilience interventions so I was aware of her challenges at a very very early age. I have worked to make sure she had good teacher placement, informal accomodations and support, and help along the way (the neuropsychologist said I have been her frontal lobe all along). I helped her develop study strategies, find all books on audio, take a less rigorous courseload in high school, follow her grades/assignments daily so I could help her course-correct quickly... she has very good grades and can pay attention fairly well. She is a perfectionist as well so that actually helped her work extra extra hard to do things as best as she could.

She is a cheerleader and has been dedicated to that sport since age 5. It was a perfect outlet for her and a structured team environment where she had opportunity to be active, socialize a bit, but maintain focus on what was happening at practice.

We started to really noticed things when she began preparing for and taking standardized tests (ACT/SAT) and she could not finish any of the sections... that is when I pursued neuropsych testing. The SAT has granted extra breaks and ACT gave time and a half -- BUT the school is refusing a 504 for her. UGH I'm continuing to fight with them about this issue....

Her social functioning is what is suffering... she has some good friends, but has lost some friends because she is a bit hyper, scattered in her conversations, immature, short-tempered sometimes, impatient.... she expects perfection and has little tolerance.

I try to point it out, but I really want to be loving unconditionally and not making her feel worse.