Hey everyone. I've been struggling hard lately with my son and his school. They constantly call about him acting out. Whether it's not doing work, leaving the class constantly to wander the halls, throw things around, distract kids in class, and this past time ...leaving out his class window and throwing his back pack out it. The principal said he said something about just jumping and ending it..... But my son says he didn't say that. Weird thing for a principal to make up.
Nothing is ever his fault, teacher and principal basically lie and don't tell the real truth about what happened. He hates school. Hates his principal and his teacher. He has no respect for anyone there and basically says they treat him bad so he does it in return.
We've been trying meds, nothing seems to work. His father and I are divorced. His dad is like co-parenting with a wall. Never listens. Never updates, never follws thru on things. My son constantly says it sucks there but his dad says the opposite . Always says he has a good time . So we think he's playing us against each other.
He rarely listens to me. Always have to ask 100 times then he gets upset that I'm upset. But when I ask nicely he ignores me. Or is disrespectful.
Vyvanse-nightmares
Bifentin-zombie state
Concerta- very small difference
Strattera - not eating, stomach ache, out of control at school , depressed ( he was only on for 2 weeks with an accidental 3 missed days )
What can I do? All he wants to do is game. I'm so so overwhelmed . I feel I'm failing him
Written by
Crescentmoon4
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
I have an 8yo son who does a lot of those same things and I struggle with it. I try remembering that it's not him willfully acting up. But it's hard!! I think there is some measure of choice on some of it, but it's hard to tell where it's beyond his control. The school environment is a tough one too! I am not there with him so I can only go on what I'm told. His kindergarten class was a nightmare. He was defensive the whole year so acted out all day every day. The last 2 years at a different school they've been working with him more. His teacher last year was wonderful with him. Loved him and was amazing! This year he's struggling a lot more, it's more academically rigorous and he doesn't have the stamina to work hard all day. But the SpEd department has been great.
We've also been on the medication roller coaster. The last few months have been a disaster and I feel like I have been making him a guinea pig. I just got the genetic testing done - awaiting results still. I am hoping it'll help narrow down ones to try, and help with metabolism processing and stuff. It's so hard!! I haven't given up on medication but I really want to. I'd rather he be behind academically and happier and calm, than do well in school but be angry and miserable. I feel like the right combination it out there but I have definitely not found it yet!!
Hang in there! Keep reading here. The support is a godsend!!
Does he see a play therapist? I found this to be very helpful with home and school! We also saw a family therapist for their opinions and recommendations, so I have some extra resources written down if I need them. In school, OT has helped.
We had great results with Strattera, but had to navigate a few side effects by giving it at night and allowing for an earlier bedtime.
You're not failing him, and I can relate to that miserable feeling 😢
Echoing that you are not failing! This is such a hard journey. Your subject line made me chuckle a bit because something our kids seem like a holes. The whole reason why I got on here at first was because I felt like I was bringing verbally abused by my son and needed to know that I wasn’t the only one.
We have had good success on adderall. As my son has grown we’ve upped his dose many times and he takes an afternoon as well. It helped a lot to stop the walking around the classroom whenever he wanted and keeps him in a better mood. It’s been 6 years and my son still hates school, still hates teachers, still get angry at times, still has a hard time listening, BUT, he can handle it. I know the medication journey can be a nightmare. But don’t give up.
Have you read any books on adhd? That might be helpful. I recommend Russell Barkley. We didn’t do therapy but I’ve heard good things about it, if that’s something that would work with your family dynamic. I know when my son gets all his feelings out, even if it feels like he’s yelling them, he feels a lot better afterwards. Ive just had to be that sounding board for him which is exhausting and I have to not take things personally.
Keep going, talk to others in similar situations, find people that really understand. That will help your mental state so you can be strong for your son. Wish I could hug you
my son is 6yrs old and does everything your describing. What’s worse is now he’s cursing more and will hit me when he’s mad. I often ask myself the same question, is it him, or is his adhd that makes him like this. Could it be the meds making him angrier and irritable when it wears off? What meds is your son on? My son is on Ritalin and Guanfacine, and still struggles to sleep throughout the night.
Unfortunately , our insurance only covers behavioral therapy if there’s an autism diagnosis. I’m in the process of trying to get him reevaluated again for autism because I’m worried his behavior will remain destructive in the future. I’m wondering if this gets better.. I too feel your pain. I hope you know you aren’t alone. Stay strong. Praying for you
Thanks everyone for your replies. Helps to know I'm not alone. He's not alone . He currently is not taking meds. Father wants to take a break and just try to sort out other things like routine, diet, supplements. Any advise for those areas is most welcome!Our OT in Canada isn't covered by benefits , play therapy is to an extent of like 300-600 per year. But he just ends up playing and being distracted and not really...listening and talking about shit. Signed up with new therapist with a dog so maybe dog snuggles will be less distracting haha.
You are so not alone!! We feel the same way often. If your son is not currently taking any meds, you may want to try some supplements and see if they work. For our son, they were a game changer. He still struggles with focus and impulsivity, but his aggression and anger dramatically decreased when we started micronutrient therapy, and particularly nutritional Lithium, Magnesium and Zinc. I highly recommend the book Finally Focused by James Greenblatt, if you haven’t read it yet. You are not alone!
it’s unacceptable for the school to treat him like this and 100% contributes to his escalating behaviors. This all sounds like my son in kindergarten. He is now on an IEP and with 2 understanding teachers (1 gen ed and 1 sped), on meds that work well for most things (methylphenidate and guanfacine) and does therapy (completed parent child interaction therapy and now does social group) and now his school experience is completely different.
He can't get an IEP unless his diagnoses contributes to a learning disability. He's a very smart boy when he actually does his work . So unfortunately he can't have one. I have a meeting this week with teacher and principal. I'm hoping we can get some things sorted out. I've given so many things to apply while he is in school to help him, and I get two different messages. My son says they do nothing and target him, the teacher and principal say they are understanding and trying to help but he refuses and is rude and doesn't listen. .. it's to the point he just doesn't want to go to school. Breaks my heart
The school might be pushing back about implementing an IEP because it is a lot of work for them and then it’s enforceable by law. If his ADHD is contributing to challenges with following classroom norms THEN it is impairing his academic abilities, regardless of whether he is capable in the most idealized moment. ADHD is considered “other health impairment.” I recommend writing to the school and asking that he be evaluated for an IEP or 504 plan.
I agree. IEPs are given for educational needs which are not limited to academic. My son got one for behavior. I also had his psychologist observe him in the classroom. That along with other parents unprompted telling me what their child told them confirmed he was being mistreated.
I am sorry to hear that you are going through your current difficulties and can empathize with your feelings of failing him but want to assure you that you are not. The mere fact that you are here in this forum looking for help is proof of that. I also wanted to share that as others have stated, the school is pushing back on an IEP because it requires additional accountability and administration on their end. I would highly suggest you seek help from a Student Advocate. This was the only way I was able to get my son the help he was entitled to. I am happy to chat more if you need additional information on how to go about that process. Sending you positive thoughts and healing energy.
sounds a lot like my son. We eventually increased his meds and while it’s not perfect, it’s better. We also got him an IEP in school (and he’s smart too, gifted in fact. Gets pulled out for social skills and gifted and talented.)
Maybe there are private schools that specialize in helping kids with similar needs? I know few people have money for that, though.
It sounds like he may be "Twice exceptional" (2e) though. I don't know the particulars of Canadian disability law but there are some promising leads here for 2e IEPs: google.ca/search?q=getting+...
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. My 8 year old acts similarly, and it’s so frustrating, disheartening, and scary too. I worry about him now and in the long run of his life. No matter how much we talk about it, he still behaves in the same way.
Have you asked the school to conduct a functional behavior assessment? Does he have an IEP? Is he seeing a therapist outside of a guidance counselor? I would also ask his psychiatrist to do a behavior assessment as well. This could help you get him into some intensive behavioral health services that could provide him with a board certified behavior analyst and a wrap around.
Saaaaame! 8 years old. Last was toppling his backpack over the edge of the top of the stairs and sending it careening down 3 floors (thank goodness it didn't hit anyone), and it's always an "accident".
I just requested a Functional Behavior Assessment, which I hope will offer some insight, if nothing else. Might be worth looking into?
take away his game until he can stay out of trouble or not be in trouble for 2 days then he can have it back I’ve been dealing with the same thing my son is taking 50 mg vyvanse in the morning the Risperdone 2mg before bed time the night mares will go away make sure he doesn’t have any pictures above his bed where he sleeps hope things get better my son just turned 12 yrs old
Me too. My 8 does most of this and denies some of the things too and I wondered why he would deny it. He has a better year last year mostly because of the teacher and he took medication. I hate giving a child medication but I did and it helped although he still got in trouble. I stopped giving it to him this year and all he’ll broke lose at school and teacher not happy with me. My son told me today he got zero check marks which means he got a zero on doing good on his behavior chart and told me and has told me he hates school ( he liked kindergarten and 2nd, but not now). He told me he wished he didn’t exist. So i feel like I have to give it to him. He had a great second grade teacher who had a son with adhd. I think 3rd grade also has more work.
I relate with the frustration of having to tell them so many times to do things. Also relate with the is he an a-hole or is the adhd, the complexity of dealing with school, the heart break of having to send them to place that doesn’t work for them, the feeling isolated and tired mentally and physically. I understand feeling like you can’t get it right and stop their suffering and your suffering. I feel like I’ve failed. I hate going through all these negative interactions too with teachers, principals etc,
I’m on here feeling depressed and needed this kind of understanding so much, thank you all.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's a nightmare when the other parent disagrees or does nothing. I think your kid is a bit older (middle school?) which can be rough even for a neurotypical kid. I echo recommendations of therapy, limiting screen time and reading the really good experts like Russell Barkley or finding some good podcasts. Also, is there a chance he can switch schools? Sounds like yours isn't supportive and maybe there's another school that handles accommodations and behavior better. It's exhausting but I'd also try to rule out anything that worsens the situation. Does he get good sleep or does he have sleep apnea? How's his diet? Does he have friends? Can you get him involved in something physical for exercise? Does he have any non gaming interests you could foster? It's tough, I know, but any small bit might help. And honestly, taking an interest in his games might help too. Demonstrate some empathy and that you recognize it's important to him and helps him feel better/cope. If it gets him talking to you more and being more honest, it could help.
Same same same with our 8 year old boy. And yes its his adhd. Our son does have learning differences, so an iep is a game changer. Sorry you can't access that.
But! We have found a low dose ssri (prozac) to be so helpful. The stimulants made it all worse (In his situation) Soooo much of adhd is pure anxiety and being uncomfortable in your own body, leading to acting out. The prozac makes adhd for our family more survivable and calms his mind and even the constant impulsivity improves.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
kindergarten ADHD - what is it like?
ADD and school issues. HELP!
Is it ADHD or something else?
My son gets a iep and still failing, not sure what to do.
