Feeling lost

[Mollymay1594]

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some advice, I’m a step mommy and think my step son has an underlying condition such as adhd, I try to convince my husband to get appointments booked but because he is with his mum more she doesn’t want to do it cause she doesn’t believe it. For years now this little boy (6) has progressively gotten worse from being violent and wanting self harm or kill us. We can’t seem to find a trigger but when he switches he loses it, screams, try’s to claw his face, smashes up his room, will kick/punch kick you and has actually thrown things at his baby sister. When he does lose it, he seems possessed, you can’t sit there and speak to him quietly cause he doesn’t listen, he’s had behaviour issues in school too with hurting other kids and even peeing on someone’s jacket. I don’t know if it’s easier for me being on the outside but I see it getting worse over the years. When he says mean things he just looks at you with a stare and doesn’t care if he’s hurt you. Recently he’s gone back to wetting the bed after being dry with no accidents for almost 3 years. I do understand this happens but it’s been the one or two times a month since November last year and my partner and the mum doesn’t think it’s a big deal. Does this sound similar to your children?? Any advice on what I should do??

[Onthemove1971]

Mollymay1594-

Thanks for joining the group. We are here to offer you support when needed. Having a child with ADHD is a journey and we are all in it together.

It sounds like with you being an "outsider" it will be a challange to make change, but clearly this child needs help.

Here are a few things to try: there are many online courses in parenting, can you get your partner to invest time in learning to parent differently? Once that is done I would recommend that this child get to a thearpist. CHADD should be able to help you find someone to help. I would hope this thearpist was knowledge with ADHD. I don't think it is for us to judge if this child has any type of condition. Each "label" or issue will come with a wide range of issues from mild to severe. If I were in your shoes I would not worry so much about how to define him, but trying to get him to function better.

This child would benefit from the following: parents that have taken classes to help learn hope to parent, thearpy, an educational plan ( you do not need a formal diagnosis to get this, but it does help) and some form of medication ( some families chose natural remedies or other chose Standard pharmacology, prescribed by a medical doctor). I know this sounds like a lot, but most children needed all of these to be successful.

I hope this guidence helps you, we are here for you. If this child doesn't end up have ADHD your family will still really benefit from this plan.

Take care, big hug as you travel this journey.

[Mollymay1594 in reply to Onthemove1971]

Thank you so much for replying, it’s a bit of relief to speak to someone about it. We’ve have a look online about different parenting routines such as how to act if he does switch and we’ve tried routine work so that he’s always aware at what’s happening, we created a star chart to help encourage the good behaviour. Unfortunately nothing is seeming to work, my partner has spoken to the mum in regards too trying to have the same routines in the two different house hold but she doesn’t believe anything is wrong and says it must just be anxiety he suffers with. I don’t know how we are going to be able to get her onboard. I will pass on your message to my husband, thank you again.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to Mollymay1594]

Yes two houses can make it harder, but he still needs help. If one house believes it is anxiety then this NEEDS to be helped. So please seek help asap so that it can be helped now.

We all have been there with things not working, please take the next steps to help him by seeing a thearpist which should help a lot. His regular doctor might need to recommend his

to someone. Please also start the process at school so he can get help. The school should help him deal with the issues he is having.

We are here for you guys if his mom wants to jump on the site and look at old posts that could helps a lot.

Take care

[Mollymay1594 in reply to Onthemove1971]

We’ve mentioned about the anxiety and seeing someone about it but she doesn’t think it’s anything to worry about (even though we’ve had to go get him cause she’s locked herself in the bathroom cause he’s throwing things at her). He’s under his mums name at the doctors so I might just have to go straight to a therapist. The school knows about his behaviour as he’s been to the principal and all they’ve decided to have someone watch him at break times. I’m finding it difficult cause I’m not his mum/dad (I don’t try to be) but I know if I tried to go to the school myself she would be very angry and cause a lot of hassle towards us. I’m going to start looking just know about services near us and I might just have to take control, I just don’t want anything to be ignored and swept under the carpet for his sake. Thank you again.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to Mollymay1594]

This is a very hard journey and we all accept at different times. If you can sit down with her and show her some of the posts and tell her how much eaiser things could be for him and all of you. Ask her what step she is willing to take. If not then you guys can start taking steps.

At school you need much more than just watching him at break. This is making life hard on him, school staff, peers and anyone who is helping him. I know this is hard but the road ahead ( school, peer relationships) will just become more of a challange so please start now.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to Onthemove1971]

I am hoping parents whose child shares houses will chim in and help you with more advice on how they deal with the other house.

[Cjkchamp]

If his mom and dad are both not on board it puts you in a very difficult position. I applaud you for caring and taking notice of the fact a situation is going on. In my home my husband chose to look away and say nothing was wrong. I’ve been in it alone until about four months ago. Since you are in this position I think you’re in a good spot to recommend your stepson use broad spectrum micronutrients. It gives you a good opportunity to have he and the mother discuss them and if they are open to them they may very well help your stepson. They have helped my son after years of different medications. My husband bought into them because they weren’t “drugs.” There are two companies...Hardy Nutritionals and True Hope. It’s worth a try for a stepmom in a difficult situation. We use the Hardy Nutritionals Daily Essential Nutrients. Wishing you the best!

[Mollymay1594 in reply to Cjkchamp]

Thank you so much for replying with helpful information!! My partner is slowly coming on board it’s trying to get mum on board! I’ll speak to my partner and let him know this really helpful information, thank you again