ADHD, ODD, OBD, ANXIETY, MELTDOWNS

[Monty07]

What supplements and vitamins are going to help my daughter 11yrs old! She treats my mom and I like she hates us, and is like totally different around others at school, daycare, church, but as soon as she's home, it's meltdowns over littlest things, tantrums, verbally and physically abusive up till she falls asleep, then up for school in AM, raising roof off house over her hair or homework she forgot, clothes are not matched ECT. On and on, fights to take bath, go to sleep when told, brush teeth, ect.. Please help us find something that'll work

[Hidden]

Mine was very much the same way, but she is gradually improving. I'm not sure I'll have any helpful advice but I can share with you what I think has worked for us. First of all, accept there's no quick fix and this will be a long road. We don't take medicine or supplements simply because she had bad side effects and I wasn't willing to keep trying knowing nothing would be a quick fix anyway! Number one for me is saying the rosary daily and then with the family once a week. It enables me to stay calm and strong. I think it's a good practice for healing OCD. Next was having her in a school with peers that serve as a good example of how to act. We're lucky in that I knew for sure of a school that would serve her needs for faith and character building. Next was keeping her as busy as she wanted to be and out of the house most hours of the day. As much as I hate driving, I hated dealing with her behavior at home more and it was helping her to avoid negative behavior and build skills in activities such as karate, basketball, piano and choir. Homework is done at the library. Next I have clear in my head of what is acceptable behavior and what is not and enforce it. The positive reinforcement never worked for us so I have a 3 level system for serious infringements that include a warning that she will lose 'X' if she does it again, second offense, "OK you have lost X and now if you do this again you will lower yourself to the level of getting a smack on the bottom. Do you really want to lower your dignity to that level?" Once she experienced the wooden spoon which is with no yelling, on the fleshy part only, hands out of the way, and my composure completely calm, I have to say, she has more self esteem and love towards me. She actually appreciated me disciplining her actions as being bad choices on her part as opposed to complicated, 'manipulative' measures as she sees it, 'for kids who aren't normal'. When she tried to say, 'I can't help it, I have a mental problem', I said, 'There is nothing wrong with you at all, you're just being a brat!'...she responded positively to this. This is just her, but I encourage you to keep a loving calmness in your heart, have clear in your head what is absolutely not acceptable behavior and be a keen observer of what puts her in better states of being and expand on it. We've had CBT and it was marginally helpful, mostly in just expanding on my understanding of what is happening. I learned that the OCD was being fed by some of my actions. Keep in mind too that at 11, these girls have hormones in the mix too. Another effective action has been, when she's in a calm state and seems to be receptive, I just give her a long hug not saying anything and a simple 'I love you' towards the end of the hug. No expressing what she's doing well, this makes her feel judged and stimulates the ODD,just a simple reminder that she's very loved and safe. Hugs to you, it's hard, but you can do it. God bless you and your family!

P.S. Moving at any normal pace is still a real challenge for us,but I think the activities will help her brain to gradually learn to move faster. She's working on figuring out what works for her and we are patient with that kind of stuff.

[Janice_H]

Hi Monty, is your daughter taking medication? From the sound of your home situation, vitamins and supplements probably are not enough. You can have her evaluated with a psychiatrist or psychologist and see about a medication trial to help calm the outbursts and meltdowns. A therapist can help talk her through what's going on emotionally. I think a combination of meds and therapy will help make home a bit better for you and your mom.

[Monty07 in reply to Janice_H]

We have tried several stimulants and non stimulants, she wont take upsets and hurts her stomach, dont like how she feels on them, so no medication, we have cut out red dyes, and limit sugar intake, but there has to be something like vitamins or minerals or something to calm her tantrums plus help with comprehension and to think before she acts , please!

[Onthemove1971 in reply to Monty07]

Just curious were you working with a Child Psychiatrist, who specializes it helping children like your daughter? We wanted a number of years with misguided information until I started working with a Specialist, night and day difference.

I also didn't see you have a behavioral specialist/ therapist on board? These two have really helped us a lot.

[Monty07 in reply to Onthemove1971]

Yes she goes to therapy twice a month, but she is not same kid I deal with at home, and I think I'm just a bad parent most times, because she does listen and behaviors are controlled everywhere but home, I don't know what to do anymore! I'm so mentally drained!

[Dilily in reply to Monty07]

Hi Monty07. My leather couch has scratch marks all over it from my daughter scratching her fingernails during her rages. She used to climb up on the windowsill and hiss at me like she was a cat. She was so enraged and consumed by fury most of the time and, of course, being her 'safe place', I wore it all. I've had her on high dose high quality Omega 3s (Barleans lemonade Omega Pals) and magnesium for about 4 months and her anxiety and rage outbursts have diminished considerably. It took about a week to notice a major difference. I couldn't believe the change. Seriously life changing. Google Dr James Greenblatt, he has some fantastic advice. Good luck.