Before/After School Care for ADHD/ODD

[KateJomom]

Hi. I'm new here. My son is 8. We live in Oakland County, Michigan. He was recently expelled from the before/after school program. There are no daycare centers in the area that provide transportation to/from school, and none are within the school's attendance boundary (so the school won't bus him). I work an hour away, so I can't just slip out to get him from point A to point B every day. Care.com was a bust. I'm hoping someone has a suggestion I haven't thought of yet. Thankfully the school year is almost over and we have a summer program that has worked for him. However, I will need something lined up for next school year. Thanks.

[ElinaK35]

Hi, sorry to hear that... May I ask what he did to get expelled. Does he have an IEP in the school? Our son with ADHD got into trouble several times in before/after care (which is a service the school provides at a fee) for cursing and fighting... he was expelled once for a week... other than that they made him sit in the hallway by himself and read. Ultimately what I found is that they do try their very best to help and understand us as parents. We both work full time and thank God for my father in law who was able to pick him up that week when he was expelled... if not for him we would absolutely be at our wits end. The school does see that he has issues but they also see that he comes from a very good home where we try our best to be involved and help. I live in NY and for our area there is a "Mom's Group" on Facebook which is very helpful. Try to find a group for your area and post that you are looking for care for your child... in my experience people are very responsive and often send very helpful suggestions... there might be responsible HS or College students who would welcome an after-school job...

[KateJomom in reply to ElinaK35]

He had a meltdown (we believe it was a combination of a Ritalin crash - his dosage had been increased - and lack of eating). It started with him crawling under a table. When they said it wasn't safe because the table could fall he said that is what he wanted. Then he started banging his head against the floor. Ultimately, the police and paramedics were called, and he fought them when they were trying to move him. He does have an IEP. We've been working with the school since he was in kindergarten, which is when he was diagnosed. Since they realized we were involved, they've been great - especially with the new staff this year. Typically, before and after school isn't a problem - and he has never been this out of control. Other than an incident a couple years ago in their summer program (he was refusing to get on the bus after a field trip), there hasn't been a need for meetings with the childcare management. Any issue that has come up has been handled with the caregivers. He doesn't lash out at other kids. I don't say that to minimize, just to give context. I'll try the Mom's Group. The HS/College students I reached out to either wanted less commitment or more hours. Thanks!

[Adam081911]

How far is next closest daycare center? Do you have mom friends at your son's school who would be able to help your son drive to the daycare center? You might have to pay the parent for the cost of gas though.

[KateJomom in reply to Adam081911]

The nearest daycare center is less than 2 miles away. I don't have mom friends outside of those whose children also attend the before/after school program, but finding someone who would be willing to drive him is a good idea. Thanks!

[jromansamuel]

Is it possible to work from an "alternate work location" such as your home until the school year ends? I am able to log into my work computer and work from home the extra hours. I had to get the paperwork together for my work to agree and they did so willingly.

[KateJomom in reply to jromansamuel]

Between me and his father we are able to make it work for the next few weeks until school ends and he starts summer camp (which will already make me late for work every day for the duration of camp). I have limited flexibility to work from home - it can't be anything on a regular basis, and the work itself sometimes requires that I am in the office (and I don't generally know in advance when that will be). My concern is what to do about next school year. His father currently lives an hour away, travels a lot for work, and his earnings are impacted when he can't book that particular time block. I tried changing jobs to work closer - it was unstable and inflexible. Thank you!

[anirush]

So they have already banned him from attending next year? Things could change over the summer. He will grow, there might be added medication.

I don't think it's fair to judge his next year's Behavior home this year's. Can you talk to them about that?

[KateJomom in reply to anirush]

We've managed to get them to agree to reconsider in the fall, at which point we can provide a letter from his psychologist and from the summer camp. I'm not particularly optimistic though - they have a waiting list of kids without these issues, and even if they let him come back I suspect they will be looking for reasons to kick him out.

[MunchkinMommy537]

I’m surprised the daycare centers don’t provide transportation from the schools. I live in Georgia, and every daycare facility in my area has busses that go to every elementary school to pickup kids. Unfortunately the daycares are private institutions and are not required to follow any IEPs. I would check with local mom’s groups and churches to see what they suggest.

[KateJomom in reply to MunchkinMommy537]

Thanks! (There are other communities in Michigan that do have daycare centers with transportation. I'm fortunate to be in an area where apparently there isn't enough of a need, but unfortunate to not be among those who don't need it).

[WendyKirkpatrick]

If I were in your shoes I would write a letter to the head of the before/afterschool program administration and request a meeting. I would want something in writing about why my child was "expelled". If the reasons are acceptable, then you can possibly contact your Special Education administrator and request evaluation for services which might include a special after school program for special needs children. If the reasons are invalid, you can find low cost legal services in your community and/or a special education or special needs children advocate to represent you at an appeal hearing. Having been through hell with the school district (and my district is actually pretty good (if you have a perfectly normal child), you need to let them know that on behalf of your child, you are willing to be the biggest pain in the ass that ever lived and gradually you will find that things are getting done. Getting the "IEP" for special education status would help so I suggest you follow through as soon as possible. good luck

[KateJomom in reply to WendyKirkpatrick]

Thanks. We've spoken with the program administrator and let him know it isn't acceptable to not even meet with us to get all of the facts, and we won't just let it go. We have agreed to keep him out of the program the remainder of the year (since there is only a couple weeks left of school) and he has agreed to meet with us before school starts. We will be getting statements from the psychologist and from the summer camp. The program is fee-based, but it is run through the school. If they won't let him back, we'll take it to the school board and go from there. The school administration as a whole has been great. Kindergarten was a rough start, with passive threats of expelling him, but we got the IEP and demonstrated that we were trying to work with them and get the help our son needed. It got better, and the new staff this year have been wonderful with him.

[WendyKirkpatrick in reply to KateJomom]

I am so glad to hear that you are pro-active with the school district about your child. In our district, there are after school programs for kids with special needs. It sounds like your after school situation could possibly be coordinated with the school psychologist and department of Special Education. If you let them know (if they give you excuses) that you will get a child with special needs advocate up their butts, they may be more inclined to let your child back into the program. Best of luck to you and your family. P.S. Keep being a pain in the butt. They don't understand any other language, nice though they may seem.

[SandyNJ in reply to KateJomom]

Hi KateJoMom,

I always try to be transparent with aftercare as well as the school when my son is going through a dose/medicine change. It has helped a lot especially with after care. Once they know that it was just a today thing as well as something he could not control they let it go. If he does something that cannot be excused then he does get a behavior report which could lead to being suspended first and then expelled if the behavior does not improve. Best of luck.