My son has an issue where he is afraid of school, afraid to go and interact in the ways that he would like to, or maybe, the way we would like him to. He is home all day and just underwent an evaluation to determine if this is adhd or autism. The early results, before official, point to adhd and anxiety.
He wakes up in the morning and all he wants to do is watch tv. He will do that for a while. Then eventually once his focalin kicks in, he will turn off the tv for a couple hours, only to resume later. Later on, it seems as if he is on autopilot, and hard to manage him.
He basically lays around all day and watches tv when he should be in school. He doesn't interact with anyone aside from me, who has been unemployed due to his condition and my help required.
How do we get him off tv without dysregulation? It seems near impossible at times.
Desperate, I need help.
Thank you!
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BoomBoomDad
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My main l thoughts are you probably can’t avoid a significant increase in dysregulation in order to get him off TV, but it will be so worth it in the long term.
Also, are you, or would you consider medicating for anxiety? If you are looking at an anxiety diagnosis, then medication can help all the other strategies & work you do be that much more effective. My son refuses going to school when highly anxious. He responds to anxiety by seeking to control his world, and school is not an environment which enables much control for him, so he wants to avoid together. (Despite it being an amazing, supportive school that he loves most of the time).
He also takes Focalin. In order for him to be successful/help him feel better an anti anxiety/mood medication was needed. He now takes Zoloft. Medication is important, but also equally important is for parents not to accommodate the anxiety. Once my son was on zoloft it helped a lot but we had to take it the rest of the way with not accommodating it anymore. Like above said, it will get worse before it gets better, but WILL be worth it.
Let your son know that you know he can handle going to school. That is a safe place for him and you would not have him go if you didn't know this. TV or I pad use has to be something earned by doing his part. His part is going to school, doing any homework, chores, and being respectful.
It will be something that you will most likely have to stay on top of for awhile. There will be great weeks, good ones, and what the heck is going on ones. Just recently my son started to slide a bit with behavior at school. He lost his one hour of i pad time and any TV. He turned it around real quick! Once they understand expectations and that you will be following through it really does help. Adhd and anxiety can be a rough road, but with the right tools, can get better for you son and entire family
I want to start with saying I'm sorry you guys are going through this. My son is in high school now and doing well but it was hard getting here. He had ADHD and anxiety issues that were diagnosed around 6 as well. I agree with SurvivorFan that anxiety meds might be a good fit. What helped me be OK with this decision for my son was thinking of it as a temporary aid for his anxiety. Something to get him back on track so he wouldn't need the med anymore. That's exactly what happened. He has been on ADHD meds for about 9 yrs now but was only on the anxiety med for about a year. I will also say that we found the focalin made his anxiety worse as did a number of other stimulant ADHD meds. A couple of years ago we switched to Straterra which is a non-stimulant. That along with likely his natural maturing has a made a HUGE difference and he is doing well in high school now.
I also agree with tying rewards to your son's behavior. When my son was younger, punishing him for negative behavior seemed to do nothing but when we rewarded him for good behavior it seemed to click with him. The end goal is to get our kids to do more of the right thing, whatever you decide that is. Taking away certain things from our son and giving them back as rewards for desired behavior worked well, even though it was a struggle at times, until his desire to do the right thing became his own and he didn't need us monitoring his screen or game time anymore. Good luck to you!
I’m no expert. Just another parent who has a child that experiences anxiety. Is your son enrolled in public school or is he in home school? I only ask because we’ve done both. With home school we had to follow a strict morning routine to get ready. He would do his classes and we did PE and recess with other little kids around the neighborhood. We did swimming lessons for extra. Started him with private lessons and moved on to group lessons with kids his age…Our child is in public school and was being bullied. He finally opened up and told us what was going on. We spoke to his counselor and it was resolved. She included the buddy bench at school, so that if someone didn’t have anyone to play with they could sit on the buddy bench and someone would reach out and play with them. Our child would literally feel lost at school. It took him a little longer to get use to his school environment. He would have a buddy to show him to the nurse’s office, library or restroom. Class would over stimulate him but little by little he got use to the classroom setting. His teachers and counselor realized, he had trouble with transitioning from one activity to another. They made a chart for his daily routines and would let him know 5-10 minutes ahead of time he was being transitioned to the next activity. We bought him chewy necklaces, sensory stones and squishy toys to help with his anxiety. It’s all a process to introduce and letting them get used to new situations and experiences. We do limit his screen time as well. We noticed he was more anxious when we allowed it more but we felt bad for him and would give in sometimes…I also stepped down from my position to stay home and help him. We read, play and do lots of activities together to keep him busy after school along with running around town with OT and behavioral therapy. Hope this helps.
Welcome! Is he by chance in online schooling? If he is in brick and mortar (traditional), you may have to take him to school. If he is online, you can keep him from turning on the TV until his schoolwork is done. Kids this age usually need a bit more guidance. When covid hit, my now 10yo did online, and it wasnt a good fit at her age, because she didnt like being frustrated on how to do things without me having more hands on in the situation. Now at 10, she can navigate her own class with the online portion while in traditional school, so I may try to have her in online again, since she is one that follows rules and gets things done for the prize of electronics. I have learned that people with ADHD (me included) need straightforward goals they can check off to help guide them.
My partner has a similar type of ADHD as your son. Foccalin wasn’t helpful for him. However Vyvanse is like night and day for him. When I tried stimulant meds, it didnt work for me as they didnt give any relief from my symptoms. Non stimulants work well for me. It seems like the foccalin works for your son but wears off too fast.
TV has an addictive feature but I would go through the dysregylation to replace it with other stimulation. Try the outdoors where the child can explore and you can manage any meltdowns away from others, bring stimulating things to build, feel (e.g., shaving cream, slime, sand), hear (leaves, jingle bells, music), climb, spin, sing, jump, etc. Also, work with an occupational therapist to get a sensory profile and ease his fight, flight, fawn, and stress responses, find ways to bond, feel joy, build trust and confidence
We are excited you have joined us while on the journey to parent a child with ADHD. We are here to support you and your son. Many children with ADHD benefit from the following: an educational plan, therapy and medication.
If you do not have already an educational plan, I suggest you work with school staff to help your son with things that can help make his day successful. They may have a place he can go when he is struggling. School staff have worked with kids similar to your son. I hope you can find educators to assist you.
Thearpy can help your son learn techniques, yes I understand he is young. Our son and I did therapy together and this really help us deal with the stresses of life.
There are different types of medication that can help your son. We were told that 60% of symptoms of ADHD go away when your child takes the right medication, it's the correct dose and given at the right time.
Like the other parents have said, working with your son that all children attend school. In fact if you need something to tell him, it is against the law for him to not attend school. At first it will be challenging, but him knowing that school comes first and electronics can be used after education. While we can't tell you exactly how to do this getting the tools ( medicine, educational plan and thearpy) set up will assist in getting him to attend school.
One last thing that really helped us was to have something outside of school and the house that helped our son was sports. When he was young he did Tae Kwan Do which helped him to balance life and get his energy out. I understand not all kids like sports but finding something he enjoys helped us so much.
We are always here for you. This is not an easy journey, but we are always here to help you. If you can read older message there were parents with your same struggle.
so sorry you going through this and thank you for sharing.
My son who was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 5 struggled to go to school too. He couldn’t handle the pressure.
There were a few things we started to implement and we saw great results:
I started giving him natural supplements such as GABA, attention support, neuro multivitamins. I get these supplements from Amen clinics. He takes Tart cherry to sleep because he had a hard time falling to sleep at night. He also listens to abide for relaxing music to go to sleep when he is afraid. He also takes prebiotics, probiotics and fish oil ( Nordic brand is great).
We enrolled him in soccer. He really enjoys playing soccer.
We also encourage him to go outside and play with his friends after school or during the weekend.
He also has a 504 in school. My husband and I have stablished a good relationship with my son’s teachers and his counselor.
We also created a structured life for him, he do better when he has a list of things he needs to do for the day. He needs a lot of guidance on this but he is getting better at it.
He loves screen time.. so for screen time we told him to find a balance between screen time with outside time. He came out with the idea of doing 1 hour of screen time for one hour of outside time. We also have a parent dashboard that helps us control the time he spends on his tablet. Amazon has a great app for this.
He also has a 504 in school which helps him a lot. The teacher and us came out with a plan for the year of how to help him with his behavior.
These things have made such a difference in his life. He is doing so much better. He is a total different kid.
This journey is not easy but it is all worth it. I need to always remember to be his greatest advocate and fan and to embrace him just the way God made him.
I hope you can find something that works for your son and the whole family. Best of luck..
Given he is either ASD or Adhd coupled with anxiety, that's a challenging start to each day. He will become dysregulated quite often, as my adhd most likely is the reason why I push him a bit, in order for him to test his limitations. I am not doing that as tough now, but waiting to empower him with some of his decision making.
BIG PROBLEM: He does not articulate well and has limited phrases he uses when upset, and will choose mom 9 out of 10 times versus me. He can sit there all day and watch tv. It's breaking my heart. When I walk near the spot to turn off the tv, he screams "no, no!" as if he's already conditioned to this response. He doesn't talk when he's in control of his comfort zone.
Still at a loss, but will make it better for him. Thanks for the continual feedback!
Sounds very frustrating. One of the reasons medication has worked so well for us, when our son was young is that when given the medication as soon as he wakes up. The medication works within 15-20min and make life much better for everyone.
Yes, what you describe is what many.. many parents deal with.
Once in school, he may qualify for speech and that will help a lot. They can guide him and you on ways to assist him express his needs.
Best to start with simple things to get the day going and may need to remove the TV/IPad/phone.
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