Any suggestions?

[JandDmom]

Hello! I usually only read the posts on this site but my family is in crisis and I am reaching out for assistance and/or support. I have tow sons 12 and 14. Both have been diagnosed with ADHD for years. My youngest son has always had anxiety mostly separation, but three weeks ago he refused to go to school because he is "scared." We have investigated all possibilities ....bully, bus, class size etc but to no avail. I am working on getting him homebound for a temporary fix to the problem but it worries me that he wont even talk about school. His dad and I are divorced and he is now spending his day time with his dad. Then he mentioned to he doesn't get to see his dad as much as possible. I would have no objections to this but his dad is not the best influence on the boys. He has a shady background (hence the divorce) and I worry about being positive. In the meantime, my oldest son started have "tics" involuntary muscle movement. This began last summer but has dissipated as the months went on but has came back full force. He was once a straight A honor student but are now bring home D's. There are so many other things involved but I am a single mother that works full time and teaches in the evening. I am in counseling and working on putting both boys in counseling. I am at very discouraged and depressed. Its hard to keep my head above water. How anyone experienced anything similar to my situation or have a word of advice?

[AussieBorn]

I wish I had something more helpful to write, but I wanted to say...I too am a single mother (I have four daughters, three of whom have ADHD...two are in college, one in high school and one in middle school). It's hard. (hugs) It's going to be okay. You are taking the right steps to get the boys counseling and educated. You are doing the right thing. It's hard. We make mistakes and we worry. I was always worried I wasn't doing "enough"... Being a single mom can be a lonely road, especially with children who don't seem to be that "perfect" "middle of the road" type of child we all picture from Norman Rockwell photos... Just remember, do your best (which you are), being in their corner (which you are), and take a minute to make sure you are refilling your cup because once you pour yourself into theirs...no one is pouring into your cup. (Just like the flight attendant says, put your own oxygen mask on before helping others...) It's all going to be okay in the end.

[seller]

I assume your kids are both on ADHD medications? Have your pediatrician or whoever prescribes the meds, evaluate their medications. The dosage or the medication may need to be changed. There is conflicting information as to whether or not these meds help tics or make them worse. I would not take either of the boys off their meds, if at all possible. ADHD teens can be even more of a challenge off their meds! Have you talked with the school counselor about the oldest? If this is his freshman year, he could be having some problems adjusting to high school. Have you checked their FB pages? Or their phones? Your youngest could be getting messages on his phone that are upsetting. With regards to their dad: I would stick to your legal visitation schedule and be clear, but firm with your son that for now, this is what has to happen. ADHD kids do best with a stable schedule. Good luck and always feel free to write in. This forum kept me sane for several years when my son was teen and giving us fits!!

[Madmarie]

I so feel for you! I know exactly how your feeling. My ex is a complete non- supportive nightmare. He counter parents, and does all he can do to discredit me. ADHD. is not real, why are you drugging my son, to he needs to go to a different school. ( his school is around the corner from my house) I have to put all that negativity aside and help my son. He’s 10 learning disability, behavior problems etc. I would encourage you to get both your sons into a doctor that specializes in ADHD/ medication. Could it be that your son may need to take something for his anxiety? Same with your older son. My son was having major meltdowns for the longest time. Turning over furniture, and yelling and screaming. He was always profusely sorry, and regretted his behavior afterwards. It was getting harder and harder for me to recover emotionally after these episodes. He started getting in trouble at school as well. I finally broke down and told his doctor. He adjusted his medication, and added another non- stimulant medication to his medication. He’s doing so much better! I had teacher conferences last week, his teacher said he’s doing much better. I was chopping his behavior up to typical adhd behavior, and was trying to deal with it to the best of my ability. I’m so glad I had the conversation with his doctor. He still has meltdowns, but I feel he’s able to control them much better now. Take care of yourself too. I know it’s hard but you can’t be top notch for your boys if your are emotionally and physically exhausted. I finally started talking to a therapist, got on a low dose anti depressant. I feel so much better. I’m better equipped to help my son. Prayers for guidance. 🙏

[denak2]

Hi, I agree with the other replies you might want to contact the doctor about the anxiety and tics. My daughter developed a very strong tic on stimulant meds and she had a lot of anxiety, emotiinal outbursts and nervousness. The doctor took her off stimulants and put her on guaficine (sp?). The tic and anxiety went away. She still has fears that I am keeping an eye on. We also started seeing a pediatric psychiatrist, had previously been working with just pediatrician. It took us 5 mos to get the pediatric psych appt at the childrens hospital but now she is is an extablished patient and can go if we need to. I haven't found the pediatrict psych that helpful yet. She only suggested a minor dose change which we will try this week. I also changed my work hours so that I am home more. My daughter needs lots of time at home and i need to be around because my husband isn't very engaged. I realize that changing work hrs might not be an option bit for us, me being home more but it did relieve some stress in our house. Hang in there, you are doing the best you can.

[Janice_H]

Hi there, you are not alone. I know how you feel. I am a single mother working a full time and a part time job. All my days are very stressful with no rest. I am exhausted every single day and not sure how to find relief. My son is 11 and has ADHD. I went through a divorce 4 years ago and have been raising him alone since then. His father is not involved in his life at all and makes no contact.

You are dealing with so many different situations. Sometimes if you begin to write down each item that needs resolution it helps to see it on paper and then begin to take action on one thing at a time. Viewing all of life's challenges all at once can feel overwhelming.

Your son is anxious over things other than school and needs to feel comforted by being close to you and in his home environment. Therapy will help him overcome his anxiety about the changes at home, the divorce and feeling separated. Kids have a hard time dealing with change in the family and will react in the strangest ways - avoiding school, acting out, stealing, etc.

I would recommend having the kids see a psychiatrist, therapist and perhaps try medication to help with the anxiety and tics. Take time for yourself each day to be alone in your thoughts and try to do something you enjoy. Having friends or a social outlet will alleviate the depression. Until you can take care of yourself, you will not be a benefit to anyone else. Please seek counseling for yourself so you can be a great mother to your children, as I know that you are. :o)

[reg2018]

I'm not a single mom, but I wanted to echo one of the comments that was also made about medication. During the teen years kids are growing, which means medication changes. I always knew one of my boys needed a medication increase with his Vyvanse when his grades went down. Another one of my boys has definite tics, and it has been a trade-off with having him on ADHD medication.

[hopeforall]

Magnesium did wonders for my daughters tics. I gave her a tablespoon of “calm” every morning... I couldn’t believe the results in just one week.

[MomLeslieM]

I'm so sorry that this is all happening. It sounds as if both boys are experiencing some anxiety for whatever reason. Counseling should help as sometimes talking to a neutral 3rd party we're all able to express ourselves more honestly (that stranger on a plane mentality!!!). I echo what others said about medication, I know my son went through many med changes in his preteens and teens. Praying for you as you wade through this tough time.

[Kiandra]

No, but we can't change who people are. Sounds to me your yougest son needs a male figure to get this scared situation under control dispite who his dad has become. Explain to your son some things dad do you don't approve or isn't right but you'll let him go over there because you are one person and kids didnt come with instructions and you need help. Now your oldest might benefit from homeschooling because of his condition but i think you need to tell dad hey I don't like your shady ways but I am going to put that aside to help my children be great! Good luck! And ignore the stupid things dad does because believe you me he's going to try to get under your skin probably and pray.

[Cstreet]

Tics are common with ADD and my son's went away with medication or/and normal aging. One less thing to sweat?