ADHD Parents Together
6,764 members1,969 posts

Overwhelmed and at a loss

Hi. I’ve never posted on here before but I’m feeling sad and overwhelmed. My 9yo son was diagnosed with ADHD last year. He is on medicine. He is cuddly, smart and compassionate but he can be, well, a real jerk. He doesn’t listen or do anything for himself, always has excuses, argues about everything and is constantly blaming others. He can be pretty disrespectful at home but today was the first time his teacher took a Class Dojo point away (the class reward system) for being disrespectful, she said he ignored her requests and argued with her. He has never gotten in trouble at school before, the only thing his teachers have had trouble with is him talking too much. It just breaks my heart that his negative behaviors have now crossed the line into school. Our pediatrician hasn’t been much help other than diagnosing him and prescribing medicine, I don’t know what to do. Do I take him to counseling, up his meds?? Idk. And to top it off my husband just always wants to yell at him and can’t understand that many of his behaviors are connected to the ADHD. Thanks for listening.

32 Replies
oldestnewest

Hi kristinajd

We had similar problems with our 9yr old son. Although the issues never made it to school it certainly made for an interesting household....

Please please whatever you do, don't up the medication to combat bad behaviour it won't work, one of the side effects of adhd meds (ritalin etc) is aggression so upping could.make things worse only up it to control concentration at school. I have to say we took our son off his meds and within 3 days we had our fun loving child back. He started to struggle in school but I was insistent that he's not going back on them because of said aggression its not nice for anyone especially him. I will never put ritalin near my child again it's aweful stuff. If you ever get your child off of the stuff ask him how it feels. Mine said he had no feeling at all not happy not sad nothing.....No one should ever have to feel like that. As for peadictricians don't get me started all they want is to give you meds and have done with it.

Have you ever investigated diet and I don't mean fresh this and fresh that I'm a realist......it took me 6 weeks to discover that my child was milk protein intolerant. On it he's the devil child of it he's still hyper but there is definatly a difference. Keep a stricked food and mood diary on him, ask the school to get involved circle everyone his behaviour is difficult and you may well see a pattern.

Now for the alternative and as far as I'm concerned the best thing I ever did for my son phosphatetidylserine this is a little known supplement that directly feeds the brain. It slows the production of cortisol (the thing that makes us grouchy) and boosts dopamine (the thing that a. Makes us feel good and b.helps carry messages across the brain) this is all my son takes now. He takes 200mg a day 1 in the morning 1 at night. This in itself has acheived so much he's doing excptionally well at school. He's happy at home. He's anxiety levels have dropped (ritalin can cause an increase in anxiety) all round a happy boy. Don't get me wrong we still have questionable days but they are few and far between.

I hope some of this helps. Chin up and feel free to contact me if you need anymore advice

1 like
Reply

Hi i have a 7 yr old not yet diagnosed but with so many signs pointing towards one, perhaps only a matter of getting tested. These are, needless to say, worry-filled days.

I couldn't but notice the bit about the supplement phosphatetidylserine. Did your son start with the 200mg right away? Since it is a supplement sold at drugstores not needing a prescription, i was wondering if it might be worth starting him on it. Would it be wiser to consult someone beforehand? How did you get the idea? I would really appreciate all and any input. THANK YOU!!

Reply

Hi ya, I did alot of research into the effects of Ritalin on the body and decided I absolutey wasn't allowing my son to go anywhere near it.....I then researched the theories behind adhd and the apparent loss in dopamine (as I said the hormone that helps with messages being carried across the brain) dopamine is produced in the gut and absorbed by the brain. If your child has any sort of food allergy which is common with adhd then dopamine levels will be suffering.

The supplement is a naturally occurring lipid oil produced in the body and so is completey harmless. Nether the less I decided I would guinea pig for a few weeks to see if it had any effect (I don't have adhd) all I can say is get some for yourself and see how you feel on 200mg it's without a doubt the best thing I've done in years..... If you have ever experienced that foggy head feeling were everything is to much and you just want to sleep well that has completey gone and my ability to process things has greatly improved so much so I've stayed on them and I don't have any side effects at all. I came off them for 5 days basically due to running low and not wanting to run out for my son and I could defiantly tell the difference.

As for dosage their is little known information on dosage level but from what I've read you can take up 500mg per day with no known side effects but its recommended not to exceed 300mg, I order mine from Amazon at £16 I think for 60 capsules. At £16 It's worth trying for yourself see how you get on

My son has been on them for 2 months now and he's last school report was amazing. I quote "he's got such great ideas that he has a que of people wanting to work with him" I could have cried there and then. They've never had anything positive to say not even when on Ritalin which I have to say is like having a zombie for a son.

Sorry for the long reply just wanted to give you as much info as possible. I'd say the same to you keep a food diary as soon as possible as any problems in the gut can cause attention issues. Then if you discover a problem it can take upto 3 weeks to clear the system and get things back to normal. If you discover an allergy start probiotic tablets immediately to promote good digestion that in turn will help attention and irritability then boost with the supplement. My boy is milk protein intolerant, he was as a baby and it's never resolved itself. He literally climbs the walls if he has it.

Let me know how you get on

1 like
Reply

I just want to add. I'm not a specialist just a parent offering advice I'm not responsible for you or your child taking any medication at all

Reply

Thank you Mark2608 for your amazing insight and generous sharing. I haven't been one to pursue supplements but a day's research has changed my mind. I've ordered Phosphatidylserine tablets (surprised to find so many options here where i live) and some DHA stuff also made for children. Guinea pigging myself is an excellent idea and I will do that today - get some for myself and see how it feels.

My boy has no anger issues per se, just concentration issues at school due to being too chatty and a bit impulsive. All the negativity he gets as a response to that is starting to take a toll. It's been a tormenting time.

I am determined to not ruin his happy self and routine by pumping him with meds and running around in therapy this and that (i am not dismissing their worth but feel they should be really the last options).

Thank you so much again :)

Reply

I really hope it helps you like it has for me, please do let me know how you get on.

One last thing don't expect instant results it can take a few days/weeks to see it

Reply

Mark. Please check this out. It has helped my son tremendously I just posted about this a few minutes ago

Vyarin. FDA approved supplement for ADD. ADHD works on Lilid barriers of the brain. Tons of research and fda tests. My son has been on this since December. Please read my post, I think you will really like this

Reply

Hi ng24 thanks for the info. I've looked at vayarin when researching other medications for adhd. Funnily enough that's what got me onto phosphatetidylserine as it's a main compound found in vayarin I researched it and found that I could get it easily in the UK where as I believe vayarin is a bit.more difficult to get hold off I think I read that I should go to see the paediatrician who as far as I'm concerned is just a pharmaceutical agent.....harsh I know but I've never in the 5 years we've been going had any support other than "Oh the meds have stopped working here have some more" or "how about a different brand of the same drug" frankly the last one we saw was the last straw for me he couldn't understand that my sons wellbeing, he's core, he's life is far more important to me than getting good grades

Anyway rant over lol thanks again for the suggestion

2 likes
Reply

I understand completely. Vyvarin is now available directly from the company without a prescription. At least in the U.S. it was made available without a prescription Companies have to put “See your Dr” because they don’t want people self diagnosing and self medicating

You sound like a very involved, well informed Dad Kudos to you!!

Reply

Thank you so much for the compliment, it's been a long road and unfortunately one that is kept very quite particularly by the nhs there is a wealth of information out there but no help from the people you expect to know which is just sad really it's really made me understand just how much of a number you are regarding the health system here you think they understand, You think they care Then as soon as you walk out and they shout next that's it your forgotten about, such a shame. My son at the age of 9 still has a problem controlling his blader. Now I spoke to them atleast 3 times about this issue the last paed said they would refer him for further tests that was 8 months ago and to date no referal has been made, I'm not pushing it as i don't believe he has any issues with his bladder more to do with the signal not reaching his brain in time, something they can't help with. So instead we have times toilet breaks. Anyway I'm ranting again lol

As for the litigation society lol don't get me started on that one hahaha

2 likes
Reply

I will check into that supplement. Thank you for sharing.

Reply

Good luck let me know how you get on

Reply

Interesting, is this over the counter?

Reply

It is over the counter search on Amazon for it, that's where I get it from

2 likes
Reply

The pharmacy I went to didn’t have it. Where did you get it?

Reply

Amazon

Reply

Thank you

Reply

My daughter had similar issues. I bring her twice a month now for three years to a child psychologist and he helps her figure out tools to help manage her anger.

Reply

Hi. I know how you feel. My 5 year old is the same way. My husband does not understand either. You might want to try a child physiologist.. I am taking my son to see one. Hopefully this works. He does not want to potty train and has really bad melt downs.

Reply

Please be careful what you read and trust here. Dopamine is made in the brain. An enzyme on chromozone 22 called Catechol-o-methyltransferase is responsible for the breakdown of dopamine. Heightened Breakdown = decrease frontal lobe dopamine and working memory. The only way to fix this issue is to suppress the enzyme. Ritalin and forms of it work to suppress these enzymes. Perhaps other supplement can. Who knows. I have my daughters genectic test in front of me, indicating the enzyme is on overdrive. If she doesn't get dopamine, she will find some other much more harmful way to get it.. Think cocaine. Your boy is suffering, i hope the supplements work. I do agree the Ritalin can have an anger effect... We went though this. We found long acting Vyvanse, was much smoother, than the 4 hour straight Ritalin. We also supplement with a low dose mood drug just before bed. My goal is to get her through puberty and give her brain a chance to catch up. Then slowly come off meds. However, she may never be able to do that... Good luck to you. Its hard when the other parent wants to invoke the traditional parent discipline on that kids. Hugs

Reply

I would not put my child on any over-the-counter medication without checking with the doctor. Anger a lot of times goes along with the ADHD but it's sometimes because the medication is not correct. We too have dealt with a lot of anger. The boys go to a Behavioral counselor which has been a big help. But without the medication they'd be in much worse shape.

The boys' mother was on medication all through grade school and high school. She went off after high school and we went through some rough periods late teens early twenties. But she's stabilized, got a master's degree and has a really good job. Obviously the medication did not do major damage to her brain

Reply

I struggled in some of those areas as well An we recently did a med evuation an her methedate was up an she is doing so very well i also have to catch myself with my yelling due to the fact that some behavior is linked to the adhd an it’s very hard in my relationship because my mate truly doesn’t understand it An the disrespect she sometimes give off it’s almost like he doesn’t even wanna try to understand because he comes from a stern family of strict disapline in so stressed out

1 like
Reply

I completely agree. Other people never really understand unless they have the experience themselves. People are always quick to talk about strict discipline not knowing that kids like ours 1. Don’t respond to that 2. Fear of a consequence isn’t the problem! Relationships are extremely tough and I had to make the decision to remain single until I absolutely find someone that genuinely understands. I don’t feel the need to constantly defend or explain who my son is and why he thinks how her hunks and why I respond the way I respond. It’s very draining and it really takes over relationships.

1 like
Reply

Not at all An I’m to the point where I’m gonna end up single an that’s ok it was just me an her for like 3yrs so it not a problem with me i have to work on and with my child not a relationship that’s not my #1 priority

1 like
Reply

I agree with Jodysmom, it is already stressful enough to understand ADHD and the behavioral, we need all the time we can get to instruct iurselv a so we can help them in the best way, and if your partner doesn't understand or doesn't want to, guess what, I think its not a good time to be together, maybe in the future? But I would want to ginmvr my sin my 100% on this instead of trying to explain and get you to understand that it's different, and that their brain works differently 😕 Best of luck with your son,

Reply

KristenAJD, I purposely didn’t read others comments to our post yet because I wanted to be S genuine as possible and first say I SO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH! The next thing to know is that there is no secret formula to this at all! Yes we have similar experiences with our children but each of us have a unique piece of this ADHD puzzle. My sons behavior has always been, no bad, but defiant. Like you, he has had no issues in schools since pre-diagnosis in preschool, but though he is 11 his behavior has always been indicative of a child 3 years younger than he. Which is very difficult to accept and deal with.

Being a single mom has made it even harder! Trying not to yell, fuss and many times just lose it! With all of that said I’m a clinical psychotherapist and though I help families like myself, it’s hard to practice what you preach! I believe that’ self awareness, acceptance of your child’s limitations, education about ADHD and a strong support system is key!

Lastly, though your going through this now, it gets better! You’re doing great!! set boundaries and consequences that your child can understand and that you and your husband can consistently implement. Keep in mind where your child is developmentally and TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF! You need time to recharge and don’t let anyone make you feel like that’s not ok! 🙂

3 likes
Reply

Thank you so much for the kind and thoughtful response!

Reply

Hi Kristin, I would definitely take him to therapy. I have an 11 year old with ADHD and had has seen his therapist for about two years now. Also, doctors tend to just throw a medicine at them instead of finding the right one. We were put on Adderal from my son’s doctor and then went and saw a psychiatrist and he switched his meds and it was much better. The therapy definitely helps, not only for him but for me as well. If he is having a particularly bad time I can reach out and speak with her by phone. Our son just started junior high and boy is it rough. He does all the same things you described and life at home is pretty tough sometimes and the behaviors are definitely present at school. He is a good boy and will tell you he tries not to do those things but he cannot help it. I would recommend the therapy as it is a good resource and a place he can be himself without having you around and feeling like you are controlling him. My son loves his therapist. Good luck!

1 like
Reply

Thank you! That’s exactly what happened with us, our pediatrician just diagnosed him and prescribed him adderol. I think I am going to take him to see a psychiatrist and definitely to a therapist.

Reply

The therapy has really helped. He was diagnosed three years ago and having someone for us all to talk to has been a blessing. His therapist talks with all of us I order to understand how we all are handling it. It took us three therapists before we found this one who we absolutely love so don’t be afraid to find a new one of the first one isn’t a match for your family.

1 like
Reply

Hi Kristinajd!

Sorry to hear about your struggles - I can definitely relate to some of your frustrations. My 6yo son was diagnosed earlier this year - he's sweet and affectionate, but also argues a lot & passes blame.

After adapting our parenting style and implementing a lot of behavioral changes to address his attention issues at home, it has indirectly helped out A LOT with attitude.

We haven't tried medicating yet, but I have heard anger issues / moodiness can be a side effect. Perhaps consult with the pediatrician?

Our school psychologist has been AMAZING, and may be another source of aid if you haven't talked to yours already. Ours recommended a book, Smart but Scattered by Peg Dawson and Richard Guare. I'm still reading through it, but it has been helpful.

Reply

Forgive me if I'm being repetitive since I have not had the time to read the responses to your post! I suggest positive reinforcement to encourage the behaviors you would like to see. What is your son's currency, i.e. what is his preferred activity? For every positive step during the day, at school or at home, he can bank points or minutes towards his favorite activity. You could have an immediate reward upon coming home from school, such as ten minutes playing games on the ipad, or delay the reward until after dinner or on the weekend. My son, Jacob is willing to wait until the weekend to play a game, since he's been doing this routine for several years. Your kiddo may be different.

Let the teacher know about your system.

If anything negative happens, that is up to you how you would like to handle it. Some people choose to do nothing, others take away banked time.

Reply

You may also like...