Online vs in person - not sure what to do?

[Lolmama]

What are others feeling about online vs in person instruction? So i know this is a very personal question and each person's situation is very different, but I'm highly torn about whether to go fully remote or send my son to school this fall amidst the pandemic given his ADHD symptoms. I am in NJ where we have seen a definite decrease in cases but I'm warring with whether my son will even effectively learn with a mask on, behind a face shield, in a setting where he is not really allowed to get close to other classmates and where the teacher has both a mask and face shield on. My husband has been basically very adamant about keeping my son and 2 year old home, but we both work (and thankfully) I can be fully remote and he has to go in one or twice a week, but it's a lot to take on. When the shut down happened in march, my son was the most aggressive he's ever been with us. I think this was due to the fact that he had all of his commands being given by us and he was not able to voice what he may have been feeling about the isolation of the pandemic. It has gotten better now that it's summer, but i don't know what will be better for him both from a socialization and learning perspective given his condition. Lately he doesn't even really seem to have interest in having playdates with people and is also losing his desire to be outdoors. Anyway, I'm mostly interested in what others perspectives are on remote vs in person instruction (given all the restrictions) for ADHD kids. My son also has anxiety which i think will get worse if he goes to school, but maybe it will get better. No idea.

[SquashBug]

This is so hard to balance. I think it comes down to trusting your gut as a mom, knowing that you know your son and his needs better than anyone. (Not that either choice will be pleasant or without its own challenges.) I think it also might be worth considering what your school's history of being supportive to your son's needs looks like, and if you have a good connection with a teacher or faculty member that will keep an open and continuous dialog for a good school-to-home working relationship. This is what it looks like for us going into 6th grade: We had the choice to go back full time in person, or full time remote, committing to one trimester at a time. We are going remote at least for the first trimester for a few reasons. Oddly, its not the concern of him or our family getting Covid, but more like you mentioned the social and learning environment concerns. For our son, getting him to make the extra efforts he already makes at school is asking a lot. I can't imagine magnifying that with all the extra protocols in place and having to carry all his school supplies with him to each class. I think they'd all get lost in the first week anyway Our school district has not been good about providing resources and support, so I imagine at a time like this, it's still not a top priority. Also, stressed teachers having to adapt to so many protocols and extra duties would not be a good combination for my son. I do also have the concern about the children in our schools who already have their own challenges, and are coming back to school from homes with highly stressed out parents. I think I'm generally concerned about how everyone's mental health is going to affect each other, lol. Our son really struggles with transitions. I feel like a lot of kid's days at school is already taken up transitioning from one thing to the next and I wonder if they'd ever even get anything done with all the extra measures in place. I guess in our case, I think it could make his life and ours harder, and right now, I am valuing his overall wellbeing as a person trying to master life skills that will carry him through life, over academic performance. I just really question how such an environment like what ours is projecting can provide either of those things for him, though I know they have the best intentions, but are another one of those underfunded, low on resources districts. I can re-evaluate how I feel about the whole situation after the first trimester. For now, I'm just doing the best I can to make him feel loved trust my gut.

[SquashBug in reply to SquashBug]

All that aside, I do understand and support the best efforts being made by our schools to keep everyone safe while learning. I also think there's only so much you can realistically expect from other humans (teachers/schools)who are also struggling to get through all this, so I figured I'd give it another try.

[anirush]

Struggling with the same issues. Our school district is doing online learning only until after Labor Day. My oldest and youngest grandsons seem to be adapting well. The middle one that has anxiety issues and worse ADHD is really struggling with the online. He is the one that needs most structure and misses his friends. He has an IEP which gives him a lot of in school support which of course he's not getting now.

But I don't want to put teachers, students and myself at risk either. It is so hard to know the right thing to do.

[Harnessinghope]

I live in a school district where we were offered the option of part-time virtual or part-time in school. I chose part-time in school, because virtual was a nightmare after the shutdown. The school district decided not to offer options and will be all virtual only. This has left me trying to adjust to figure out how to make this work.

The considerations sound similar to us all, socialization, the need for an actual teacher to be present to answer her questions and assist in her learning, our district had challenges with managing the platforms they chose and etc.

I am doing research to determine how we will adjust and make sure my daughter gets what she needs.

[Reeeba1]

I am in Florida. We have a choice of virtual or brick and mortar in person instruction. We chose virtual. My husband had to leave his job to stay home. I do not believe it is safe for any kid in school let alone our kids who lack impulse control and may struggle with remembering to wash hands, keep a distance etc. We purchased a large 27” monitor (Amazon, not too expensive) which will be hooked up as a second screen on my sons laptop. I think this will help him to stay more connected with what is going on remotely. By the way my doctor and my son’s pediatrician both advised remote learning. Both said there is likely to be a large jump in cases once school resumes. It’s a hard choice and a lot depends on where you live and your level of confidence in your school’s ability to keep your child (-(and everyone they live with/interact with) safe. Take care and good luck.

[penn_adhd]

We're doing online. I'm not even considering in-person right now even though I feel bad about the social aspect of it. He has a friend who calls almost daily on Messenger Kids and they play video games together. He's 7 so doesn't quite get the leave it on all the time thing and even thinks he could just hold it up without the straps on his ears or tied. Then add in the fact that he is impulsive and likes to hug and get close and antagonize a little taking people's things or messing with them. He doesn't really mean anything by it, he thinks it is funny. He also tends to put things in his mouth. There are way too many people here who think it is just a flu and not a big deal and refuse to wear a mask unless forced so I can see them sending their kids in sick or not. I also see a lot of people with the mask below their nose. We have two online options and the one we chose you can either go in person when you feel safe or have the student viewing the classroom via a webcam so they can see the teacher and the students who are in the classroom when you're not comfortable or are sick or whatever. They also still get a diploma from our district and are connected to their school. There's another go on your own schedule 100% online option, but it is through a cyber school and they're not enrolled in the district.

[SquashBug in reply to penn_adhd]

I agree with a lot of these points. I think if you have concerns about your child's safety, look at the example the adults are setting, and realize that they will default to those tendencies (such as wearing the mask below your nose) even with facility rules in place, and children see the example that the adults are setting and...how in the world could we expect to have reasonable compliance under the circumstances? My views on masks and sanitizing are pretty hard core, but that's coming from the perspective of working in a dental office for 22 years, wearing a mask most of 10 hours a day (with no adverse health effects), and having to maintain a health environment that ensured the safety of each patient. Cross contamination happens before you can blink, and most people just haven't had the need to be so aware of it in their daily lives. I feel like expecting teachers and students to be able to have the level of awareness needed to really be safe, is like asking each one of us who are becoming remote learning teachers to our children to be as effective as the teachers would be at teaching. HaHaHa!! I may be able to keep our family safe, but I sure as heck will struggle to be a decent teacher! Bless us all!

[penn_adhd in reply to SquashBug]

My kid's dental office keeps calling. He was supposed to go in March. He's never had a cavity so for now I'm just like nope nope nope.

[SquashBug in reply to penn_adhd]

Yeah, I understand. Sometimes these things needs to temporarily get pushed back to take care of other health or life concerns. The things I would consider before having a dental exam/cleaning at this time are: you or your family's existing health risk, if you're in a hot spot, and what you know about how the office is controlling aerosolized particles coming from the air/water pressured handpieces. Some offices are doing business as usual, and some are limiting patient procedures to reduce aerosols. Ours had the exams/cleanings only procedures on one side of the office, and was not using ultrasonic instruments in that area to keep things pretty low risk. Knowing our procedures and standards, I felt comfortable, but I know not everyone has the benefit of understanding the ins and outs of how their office does things, and offices can vary in their standards of care.

[Lolmama]

Thanks everyone. It's definitely a hard decision. I'm noticing my son's anxiety increase over being home and him not wanting to go even outside lately. We are in NJ where cases are low at the moment. I think we are going to send him with the backup of being able to switch remote anytime. Unfortunately they are not providing the option the other way which is to stay home first and then switch to in person.

We have been practicing getting him used to the idea of mask. The first time was a full on tantrum with anxiety attack which was several months ago. Now we just were able to do a socially distanced playdate with masks for 4 hours so I'm going to hope for the best. Good luck to us all because I feel like no matter what you choose, the next year is going to be difficult.