Really bad day

[Jennifer01]

My 5-year-old son had a really bad day today. He didn't sleep well last night, and he was defiant in school today. I love him so much, but he makes everything SO HARD, and I feel like the worst mom in the world for feeling this way, and then I cool down and feel so much guilt for feeling like this. I hate ADHD. I hate days like this when I feel so alone like no one understands me, not my parents, not my friends, not the staff at his school, not anyone. Is anyone out there that feels the same way?

[ZosMom]

YES. I’m always full of Mom guilt because sometimes it’s just hard to be around my son. And I feel like he acts differently with me than with other adults. Have you tried melatonin to help him sleep?

[Jennifer01 in reply to ZosMom]

We give him melatonin, and it is great for helping him fall asleep, but unfortunately- it doesn’t help him stay asleep. He wakes almost every night. Which makes for rough days.

[Shotsymama in reply to Jennifer01]

My son will go through patches... sleep through the night for a week... wake up 5 nights in a row for various reasons! So frustrating.

[Jennifer01 in reply to Shotsymama]

So will our son. He has been doing it since birth basically. No rhyme or reason... so frustrating!

[Yara1969]

Unfortunately I feel guilty every day . Sometimes I feel that I need to chill and let him be but I cannot especially when he is having a bad day . Once I put him to sleep the guilt settles in and again I make a promise to myself that I will do better tomorrow. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t . You are correct no one around you get it . No one understands how exhausting and frustrating this can get you . I try to take one day at a time and hope that tomorrow is better not worse.

[anirush]

I am constantly feeling guilty- are they on the right medication, why did I lose my temper, what else can I do to help them? I keep reading articles on dealing with stress.

[Simone35 in reply to anirush]

Hello anirush

I feel kids feed off our energy and when we are stress it may stress them more, I know it’s easier said than done but we have to try

[Pennywink in reply to Simone35]

You are so right! I’ve noticed with us, if I let the morning routine get stressful with me barking to get ready to go, my son seems more likely to have discipline problems in school that day. If I keep it calm & upbeat in the morning, we’re more likely to get a good report from school.

[ColTravGram]

My son 8, ADHD, ODD, SAD, and school avoidance, too has issues with falling asleep, staying asleep and staying in his bed ( he still comes in ours sometimes). One thing we have tried is a weighted blanket and it has seemed to help. We call it the hugging blanket that hugs you all night long. The little bit of extra pressure seems to make a difference. It is not a cure but an extra tool to use...you are not alone!!! It is super hard but you are a super mom!!! Scream into a pillow, allow yourself a good cry and than tie that I will WIN TODAY ADHD MAMA SUPER HERO CAPE on and move about the day!!! Just remember to give yourself the same forgiveness you give your son for his hiccups!!! Hang in there- you do have this!!! And you are making a difference to him being his loving mom!!!

[Momof4blessings]

Oh yes....I hear you. The guilt. I hate ADHD for what it does to our family. To all our relationships. You're definitely not alone in this!

[Jennifer01 in reply to Momof4blessings]

So much guilt there. My 7 year daughter overcompensates for my sons behavior. She gets straight As, she cleans up for him, she is so sweet to me when he is upset,it breaks my heart. I tell her not to go behind him, but it is her personality. Another fun component of ADHD.

[Pennywink in reply to Jennifer01]

I have read that it not too uncommon for siblings if kids with ADHD! I definitely try to be aware how things affect my daughter as well as helping my son.

[Melissanmylittleman]

You are definitely not alone I feel that way everyday my son takes a long acting and short acting clonidine at night to sleep melatonin did nothing for my son he’s 6 he recently started vyavance what a difference it has made

[Jennifer01 in reply to Melissanmylittleman]

Our son was prescribed Clonadine, too (for sleep). 1ml of liquid bc he cannot swallow pills. Is your sons in pill form? He woke up so we didn’t bother again. What is the difference between the long acting and short acting? I guess it is something I should look into.

[Mommieslittleman in reply to Jennifer01]

Frye long acting keeps them sleeping longer than the other one 1mg may not be enough or give him the clonidine with the melatonin don’t get me wrong it’s not perfect my son will still wake up sometimes but overall it heps

[mvang03]

Right there with you! Don’t b so hard on yourself. Remember Self care is the best thing for you too. Take care of yourself!

[Momof4blessings in reply to mvang03]

I so agree!

[katcald]

it is so hard. I constantly feel like I am failing especially on mornings like today when I lose my temper. It makes our house a miserable place to be. Thanks for sharing - it is nice to know I am not the only one.

[Mmagusin]

Lack of sleep is a huge contributor to bad behaviors! We struggle daily with our ten year old son as well, but a routine and medicine helps. Every night its this order: eat by 6:30. video games MUST STOP before 8 pm. Nice warm bath with salts or bubbles, or shower, then Jammie's. Then he gets a small snack/treat while he watches a calming cartoon. We give him his blanket to snuggle. Lights are dimmed. He gets 3mg gummy melatonin by 8:30. In bed by 9pm where mommy reads to him. He asks for water from me, even if not thirsty. It's all ceremonial and part of the process of getting to bed. He's usually asleep by 9:30. Now, we're not perfect. Some nights we go over, as he has baseball that goes to 8pm so that adds a half hour at least to our timing. My point is, routine and calming things are useful. Melatonin works well, however, I believe over use throws off his body and actually makes him wake up in the night. He also chronically wakes too early, like 6am because he's starving! He gets up before us to forage and cook himself something. That's a whole other problem, as we know, ADHD kids & cooking without supervision turns out bad!

[Pennywink in reply to Mmagusin]

Sleep is definitely the biggest factor behind acceptable/ unacceptable behavior in our house!

[Terrilynn04]

Wow! I’m so glad you posted this...I’ve been feeling so alone too. My daughter is 5.5 with “severe ADHD...I feel soooo guilty and have even said to my daughter (which I totally regret), “why do you have to make every day so hard...it’s exhausting.” Or I’ve said, “I don’t want to be around you right now, you’re making me so sad, people will not want to be around you if you act this way.” She’s 5 but appears to have the emotional IQ of a 2.5/3 year old. In fact, my 3 year old non-ADHD daughter often tries to help parent my 5 year old. It’s so sad to see. Of course I tell her to let me be the parent but it’s still happens.

[Simone35 in reply to Terrilynn04]

Hi Terri I’m a new parent to this and my son is 10, every child with ADD or ADHD are different and have different symptoms,have you ever tired sitting down and speaking to her as opposed to at her, I find it makes a difference, if your saying she has an IQ of a 3 year old and if your treating her like a 5 year old that might be hard for her, I know it’s easier said than done . But as parents at times we have to step back take a breath and think of different strategies and approaches

[mvang03 in reply to Terrilynn04]

I swear we as parents need to know when to stop and give ourselves a time out ... ahhhhh lol. And maybe have a room In the house to like scream and have stressballs tied to our waist.

[Terrilynn04]

It’s so hard to remain patient and calm when my adhd 5 year old has to touch EVERYTHING! 🤦🏼‍♀️ I’m constantly saying, “stop touching what doesn’t belong to you.”

We (my husband and I) have a few nicknames for her: the “repeat offender” (because she isn’t able to process and make the connection between her actions and the consequences (I.e. broken toys/timeout/gate on her door because she wanders the house at night)) and the “destructor” because she breaks most toys within a day of owning it. 😣

The inability to make the connection between her actions and the consequences of her actions is the most frustrating and also saddening thing about her condition...she’s often said to me (as I’m crying out of frustration and sadness for something she’s broken), “Mommy, I’m sorry for doing something” She has no idea why I’m upset even if I just told her 30 seconds ago.

Does anyone else experience this kind of stuff?

[mvang03 in reply to Terrilynn04]

Yes that disconnect of you told her not to do it or else then she does it and gets in trouble and now she does not know why she is being punished. Happens in 5 mins or less. Wow! I really don’t get that when my son gives me that look of why did I get in trouble or what did I do wrong? Frustrating- mayb there minds r racing so fast they couldn’t grasp what happened?! Ck our susyparker.com ,she writes a book about her ADHD daughter.

[Pennywink in reply to Terrilynn04]

Yes! We definitely see that. Russell Barkley even talks about he disconnect in one of his ADHD lectures.

And the touching everything FOR SURE. Taking my 6 year old shopping can definitely be a challenge - as he wants to touch everything. He even asked “have you ever met a more curious boy?” Lol! No. No, I have not.

[Terrilynn04]

P.S. does anyone live near Burlington Vermont on this site? I’m looking to start a support network.

[Jennifer01]

I absolutely do. That is why I was reaching out. It is so isolating. You love your child, but they push you to the brink, and then you feel horrible, horrendous guilt. I would give you a hug if I could because I truly feel your pain, I live it daily with my son. Everyday is a struggle. I have also searched for support groups in my area to no avail. I am reading a book right now (actually listening to it bc I have no time 😁) that is helping a little bit, it’s called taking charge of ADHD, it’s by Russell Barkley. It helps me understand ADHD from a scientific standpoint and to be a little more rational, bc sometimes that’s my problem. My son pushes all of my buttons. I’m here if you need me. You are not alone.

[Pennywink in reply to Jennifer01]

I love Russell Barkley!

[Jennifer01 in reply to Pennywink]

Me too, rckline. His information has been invaluable!

[Simone35]

Hi Jennifer my name is Simone, sorry your going through this as moms it’s tough. My son just recently got diagnosed with ADD, he too has trouble with sleeping at night and has had this problem for years, I feel so bad for him because he ends up going to bed really late then waking up tired and it affects his concentration and focuse even more.

[mvang03 in reply to Simone35]

Hi on another post we were talking about melantonin & weighted blankets. Hope that helps

[Jennifer01]

Thanks Simone, I had to pick him up at school today because he woke up at 4am. Another tough day. I really appreciate your feedback. Lack of sleep makes for tough days at school.