Does anybody have a neurodivergent child who struggles to return to school the first day after every vacation? Does anyone have any specific coping techniques for those days?
I've noticed a pattern. Despite my best efforts to re-establish the routines, make sure there is proper nutrition, rest, and so on my son ALWAYS has a bad first day back. After day one he's back in the groove but he struggles on that first day. He has not yet been able to verbally share what's happening in his mind and head. He uses generalities like "I'm just not feeling it" or "I just can't do this today". I sense it's a complicated mix of both sensory overwhelm in one way and painful boredom in another.
I just don't know what to suggest he do to handle the first days better. I think if I could offer a recommendation the school might actually go with me on this one.
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Uptowngirl12121
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I don't have much of an answer, but I can offer empathy. We go through the same thing after vacations...and sometimes on Mondays in general.
One thing I did this past Sunday before bed was to communicate that Monday would be a big change from the past few days (5 days off for Thanksgiving). We also had her get everything ready for Monday before going to bed. Clothes laid out, backpack packed, etc. It may have helped with the process of getting out the door on Monday morning, which was smooth sailing. Mondays mornings often include meltdowns, more often than other mornings.
That said, she had a major meltdown on Monday night (seemingly triggered by a small problem) which included a litany of all that was awful at school that day and resulted in her not falling asleep until 11pm. 😔 The good news is that she can express what's hard, but we still have such a long way to go in helping her find coping strategies.
Thanks for that. I appreciate hearing other stories from the front lines. What confuses me is that I send him out the house in good shape and it falls apart under the school roof. I'm not there so I feel helpless to interpret why and therefore can't offer home support. I have not been able to rely on the school to solve let alone constructively identify problems and proper solutions. Honestly, they have basically just been "monday morning" quarterbacks or should I say tuesday morning quarterbacks. Yes - pun intended.
So much of it is due to the lack of knowledge teachers/admin/the public in general have about ADHD. Having gone through a masters of education program, I can tell you none of my coursework included information on ADHD, at least 12 years ago.
It's hard enough for us parents that have educated ourselves to identify triggers. A teacher who thinks ADHD = difficultly pay attention and bouncing off the walls with energy (and usually in boys) hasn't a clue about things like emotional dysregulation, sensory, and RSD symptoms which are omnipresent.
Probably not helpful but I feel the same exact general way when I have to go back to work after a long break and could not word it anymore perfectly lol
Have you been able to identify things that help you get over that back to work "hump"?
For me the worst of it is what I call the "Sundays" - the dread of going back. I've heard that even retirees experience this on Sundays, after so many years of conditioning.
My son usually struggles for a few WEEKS in both August and January... and again for a few WEEKS before the end of each semester, in December and May/June. It's brutal.
This year before school started I took him in to see his classroom and meet his teacher and his new counselor ahead of time, and I think it eased his transition a little bit--we got few phone calls during the first few weeks this time... I don't know what we'll do in January; I don't think the teacher will be around the day before, and it's not like he's forgotten what his classroom looks like. It's just a change in routine and expectations... At the very least, I'll try to start waking him up at school time and having him get ready to leave the house on time the day or two before, maybe even sitting down to do a workbook or something before going to play.
Yep! My son is 10 and struggles hard on days back after a break and even sometimes on Mondays in general. They don’t do well with a change in schedule and for my son he doesn’t LOVE school anyways. Likes his school, teachers and friends but hates the work. What works for us and by works I mean it helps soften the blow but those drop offs are often still rough is we plan something for after after school. A new ice cream place or we will look to see if crumble cookies has their new cookies out. If it’s nice out it might be a bike ride somewhere or something. It’s not a cure all but I think it diverts their thoughts elsewhere.
To say our son struggles with transitions feels like the understatement of the year. Like others the meltdowns and difficulties really wreak havoc on our son’s wellbeing and our family. Our child family therapist had suggested a large calendar in a visible location with high level activities/schedule. This allows him to visualize all the good things he has to look forward to, anticipate the not so good (return to school) and just seems to help him feel in a bit more control.
Ditto to extra preparations like clothes, pre-making breakfast and making sure it’s a favorite on those days back. If you pack lunch, making sure it’s a favorite or involving him in selecting a treat or meal to go with the lunch helps our son look forward to snack/lunch.
Validating his feelings. “I believe you that Mondays/the day after vacation is more difficult than other days. It’s hard to stop being on break because we did x, y, z which is more fun than the school routine.”
Take deep breaths and give yourself grace. The waking up, teeth brushing, backpack packing will take longer and there will be more resistance. As our son gets older I also try to give him a heads up. Love the idea of planning something fun! And also just to verbalize that some of these days are harder and you want to stay in bed 10 extra minutes (I know I do!) so the night before we make extra preparations so we aren’t late which makes the morning stressful.
I keep extra pancakes in the freezer, make extra breakfast burritos and freeze them. For me I can stay more calm and patient when I can give him some grace and know that an easy breakfast awaits downstairs.
I can relate to the feeling, I’ve been like that my whole life. My first day back to work after a long weekend or a vacation is a useless day for me. Sometimes we just need a day to get back into things.
Yes, we keep weekend and vacation days the exact same schedule as during school days. We have learned that our oldest just needs that right now. Bed and wake times have to be the same One thing we have yet to conquer is dysregulation after a day of "extra fun". We keep everything else the same, but if we do a birthday party or trip to the zoo, etc. that next day (school day or not) is always a bit off.
I don't know how old your kiddo is or if he is on and IEP but is it possible to maybe have him start off that first day back in the resource or IEP room? Maybe once he has started his day there and is regulated he will choose to move to the main classroom? As I am sure you have heard, maturity really does help! My son went into 3rd grade this year and we have seen a lightbulb turn on. Maybe not a 100watt but its at least turning on now
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One thing we have yet to conquer is dysregulation after a day of "extra fun". We keep everything else the same, but if we do a birthday party or trip to the zoo, etc. that next day (school day or not) is always a bit off. 
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