Memory loss: My son is 10 and forgets... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

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Memory loss


My son is 10 and forgets EVERYTHING! Down to taking his cereal bowl to the sink when he is finished every single morning. He forgets to bring his work home from school. He forgets what he learns or does thought the day at school... I don't know if he is really forgetting.. or is just being lazy... he says he forgets.. I would love to believe him... but he has to be guided EVERY SINGLE MOVE he makes it seems.... I have tried everything and nothing seems to work. I'm losing my patience with him I'm yelling at him quite a bit more through the days... I am exhausted. I am overwhelmed and I need help! This is not looking like he's heading down the right path. I don't know how to keep encouraging him. Does anyone else have this problem!?

13 Replies

I feel you on the EVERY SINGLE MOVE. People may feel your overbearing but they dont know the day to day. I would love a more independent child! Between the dangers of the world and the forgetfullness/awareness of my child, I have to be there step by step for the peace of mind.

I wish I could tell you one day things will just click but I havent got there yet. Upstream without a paddle is how I feel,TRY to stay positive,calm and extremely patient!

Good luck

Yes! I swear, I tell my son the same things over and over AND over again daily. His response is always “I forgot” even if it was something I said 30 seconds before. Something such as “stop putting your coat in your mouth.” He will take it it out then 30 seconds later have it back in his mouth. I have to repeat directions constantly! It is VERY frustrating and exhausting!

Hidden in reply to CNKmom

Yeah my 12 year old is the same way it is exhausting

Hi there, i just read your post and i get it. My son ( now 27 yrs old and lovely) had adhd and in those days it was hard to get help in any shape or form. I wonder if turning the memory thing into a game might help you. Make a chart, get some stars, every day he remembers the cereal bowl he gats a star. Make it a positive to remember, he may be using it get your attention and a reaction. Change the game so you are in charge. Maybe a reward for so many stars etc. Most of all i want to say to you, it does get better, so much better. Some days i look at him and remember those terrible days and then i am so proud he got through it and now has a really good life. He also has a great partner and she loves him and understands him so well. Stay positive , the more you stay calm and positive, the more you will help him.

Wishing you all the very best in life, for you and your amazing son.

Wow! That is so goo to hear! I will try that! Thankyou!!

Same here. I ask what did you have for lunch, what did you do in science? He pauses and saids I can't remember. I think the medication makes them have short term memory. He can remember what happen last year on vacation. The doctor said not to worry about it.

I would get so frustrated with my youngest over this very thing until I had him tested. I discovered that he has executive functioning deficits specifically in the areas of memory and comprehension. His brain struggles with storing information. Many children with ADHD have executive functioning deficits. Executive function skills are those skills that enable us to plan, focus attention, remember instructions and juggle multiple tasks successfully.

Similar to sheila above, I've done reward charts, but more specifically I do a daily schedule that my son checks off when each task is complete.

Kat0762 in reply to reg2018

I'm going through the same thing. Very exasperating. Some days it feels overwhelming for both of us.

Kfrost23 in reply to reg2018

Is there a separate testing to check for the executive functioning deficits ?

With having him tested, it really helped me to know that it wasn't intentional on my son's part and it brought the frustration level down. The more we can create a routine that's the same, the easier it becomes for a child to remember. It builds a pathway in the brain. It still takes time, but I've seen progress with this son . . . slow progress, but progress.

Executive Functioning Disorder EFD is the gold stamp for people with ADHD.

This post is for anyone who reads it and not aimed towards anyone in particular.

ADHD is a silent and invisible disorder.

You wouldn’t yell at your child who is in a wheelchair to stand up. Therefore, stop yelling at your child to stop forgetting or losing everything they touch. It will not do you any good. It’s only going to make you crazy. Remember, they can’t help it. They do forget. They will always forget. I know it stinks for the parent to have to remind their child from every few seconds to possibly minutes or hours but it’s all part of the ADHD spectrum.

I have been living it everyday for fifty years and dang it frustrating not to remember my life.

Read about executive function/working memory. It impacts many if not likely most with ADHD. He is not faking it. He would if he could. Those with ADHD lag roughly 3 to 5 years developmentally.

In terms of discovering if your child has specific executive functioning deficits such as memory impairment, as well as difficulty with specific things like problems with comprehension, you can have a neuropsychological test done. Some school districts will pay for this kind of testing, but not all and some insurances will cover the cost of this kind of testing, but not all. But the results of these tests are helpful to have in order to understand your child better and I've found it helpful to know what strengths and deficits my child is working with. Having a neuropsychological test done can also help you when seeking a 504 or IEP if the results indicate deficits in terms of math, memory impairment, low IQ, and comprehension problems. And the person doing the testing often makes recommendations that you can take to the 504/IEP team.

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