Hi, everyone. I'm at my wits end! my son just started the 7th grade and he isn't performing well in school. I haven't talked to any of his teachers but he won't tell me anything about what he has for homework, he forgets his book that he has to read every night (for 30 mins) and he doesn't write down what he needs to for home work assignments in his planner! Quite frankly, I'm scared to talk to his teachers. I'm afraid to know how bad he's doing or if he is doing bad. I'm scared they are going to think I'm a bad mama. This is the second child that I'm going through, my daughter is twenty now and I had problems with her all through school with her grades and homework. I'm just so exhausted. I don't know.. am I supposed to feel this way? Do I sound stupid? I'm just tired. Does anyone know if there is a form I can fill out that states that he doesn't have to do homework? He needs help with things and I don't have the money for a tutor. Any advice would be awesome! Thank you.
Homework: Hi, everyone. I'm at my wits... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...
Homework
Virgo02-
Big hugs..
Does your son have a 504 educational plan? If so, maybe there needs to be changes to it.
If not this will help now and most importantly in the future.
Also, if you can I would suggest he have a study skills class instead of an elective. These are supervised by teachers that can help him get and stay organized...
Part of this is him being overwhelmed and not being able to handle all that is required.
It is important to have staff at the school help so he can learn how to do it independently so in the future it can all be smooth.
There are also articles by CHADD in this issue.
Hope this helps.
Hi, just chiming in to say I’m in a similar situation with my niece whose just starting 6th grade. I’m single, no family to help me, no money for a tutor/anything extra and she’s not on medication because the few that we tried didn’t work well with her physically. She’s on Medi-cal and the kind of professional help/medication advice she needs isn’t at our HMO. She’s having similar homework issues as your son. She also gets frustrated with me when I tell her we’re running out of time to get the homework done so she shuts down. Nothing gets done on those types of days. She has an IEP with a good team at school but with adhd/dyslexia it’s still quite a struggle. Evening homework is a problem for us mostly. Ugh! I’m 59, I work full time and I’m tired physically and mentally. We’re both in a stressful and unhealthy situation, spinning my wheels and don’t know what else to do. Virgo02 and myself can use some tips, advice and virtual hugs ASAP, thanks everyone!
Hello there, I also am a single mom, 54 and work full time, with no family support or money for tutoring. What you describe is similar to what I am experiencing with my son in 7th grade. There have been many nights of arguments during homework time. I am embarrassed to admit that on one occasion, I pounded my fist on the table over frustration during homework and broke the glass. We had not dining room table for a week....
Anyway, talk with your child's doctor to see about a different medication trial. There are so many different medications available. It is worth trying.
If you do not have the reduced homework/no homework in her IEP, I recommend you ask for a meeting to request this be added. Homework should not take any more than 30 minutes to complete. They are not going to retain anything beyond what their attention span can handle. I usually start with the easiest assignments that don't require a lot of time. Math is done last and I do not make him do all of the problems. The teachers have been informed ahead of time that he will only work on half of the assignment.
To avoid her shutting down, don't pressure her into racing to complete things by a certain time. Let her go at her own pace. Turn in what she is able to complete.
Best Wishes!
Thank you Janice for sharing your personal story : ) I’m ashamed to say I have been pressuring her for so long her frustration has turned to anger and her emotions are frazzled beyond what a little child should have to handle. We have a counseling therapist working with us on that part. We already have reduced homework but I’m going to ask to reduce it more. The teachers never really emphasized during the meetings to let her do what she can but I will get all this added ASAP. She won’t swallow any pills so it limits us to the variety of options she can have. She also doesn’t sleep well with or without medication so she’s tired every night. Anxiety, sleeplessness, etc is draining her but too many medications won’t be good for her either. She really doesn’t want to take them altogether : ( Thanks again for your homework advice!!!
Try the new method with homework. Enlist the help of a teenager who can help her with homework. You do not need to wait for the teachers to tell you what amount of homework to complete. You can decide, then let the teachers know. Ask the pediatrician or psychiatrist to prescribe medication in liquid form if it is available. It can be mixed with a beverage if she will not take it that way. Melatonin can help with the sleeplessness. It can be given to her 30 minutes before bed time. She will rest better and feel refreshed in the morning.
I would ask for genetic testing for medication sensitivities - I have had that for my daughter who is so super sensitive to medications but we now have a good balance of Prozac and an adhd med - Quillivant Xr... we also do some behavioral therapy that has helped in conjunction with meds. Without meds she can’t function and her quality of life is not what it should be
Thank you for advice about the testing and behavioral therapy. Looking forward to finding more solutions 🙏🏼
Hi Virgo. First, you are not a bad mom. It sounds like you need the school to step up. My son sounds just like yours: no recall what happened in class, doesn't know what the homework is, takes forever to do the homework. Management of ADHD is a 3 legged stool: medications, support at home (which you are providing), and accommodations at school, which seem to be lacking. Below are some specific items from my son's 504 plan which would, perhaps, be helpful for your son as well.
3.Teacher will check planner to confirm that all assignments are documented
4. ….. will be allowed to use phone to take picture of notes and to record upcoming assignments/tests/ projects
6.Homework/ assigned projects:
a.Teacher will provide written copy of instructions given verbally or via smart board
b.Teacher will break larger assignments into individual steps with specific, written instructions and written due dates for each step and final project
c.Decrease number of homework problems to show mastery with less repetition –teacher is to designate problems/ questions which are optional.
Now, I won't suggest that the teachers regularly follow these. I have concluded that it is my responsibility to enforce them (had a phone conversation with school just yesterday about it). In our house, my wife works with my son to keep him on track with homework, etc. at home and my role is to communicate with the school to keep them in compliance with the 504. She has more patience for one and I have more patience for the other. My suggestion is to approach the school with a healthy level of cynicism. They push back on anything which makes more work for them, but they need to do their part (and it's the law). Good luck.
Hello Virgo02, no you are not stupid. You are not alone in how you feel. I have a son in 7th grade with similar concerns. Here is some advice:
1) Connect with the teachers and request that they e-mail or text you the assignments for the day. If the school has a posting board such as Class Dojo, have them post the assignments there.
2) Purchase an extra copy of whatever book is being read in the classroom off Amazon. This will be the copy that stays at home.
3) Now is the time to get involved and stay involved in making sure your son is successful in school. You will need to stay in communication with the teachers to see where his progress is. Put your fears aside and have these important discussions. Otherwise you will regret having done nothing while watching your son's progress decline.
4) If your son has an IEP or 504 plan, you can request a meeting to modify his accommodations and ask for reduced work or no homework at all. But remember, the homework is to reinforce what they learn in school. The practice he gets with you at home is so important. Our kids learn through repetition.
Don't give up on your son. Middle school is challenging and he needs your encouragement and support. I pray that you will find strength to devote to helping him and that you will have the courage and confidence to openly discuss concerns with the school.
HUGS!!!!
With my son and his IEP, the teachers are required to let me know of upcoming tests and big projects. This is a huge help because with my son's problem of remembering things, he forgets to write things down in his planner.
At the beginning of each school year I email his teachers to let them know about my son's IEP and what is on it. Before he had an IEP I still contacted his teachers to let them know about his strengths and challenges. That way when he encountered any difficulty in class they wouldn't label him as a problem kid but would understand where his behavior was coming from.
I encourage them to keep in contact with me and I periodically touch base with them as well as express my appreciation for them as they inform me of tests and projects.
Another resource at school is the special education team. Because my son struggles academically, I made sure that he was assigned to the special education math class which gives him additional help in a subject that's harder. There's a special education teacher in that class and I was frequently in touch with her about my son and what his needs were during 7th and 8th grade.
As a former math teacher and elementary certified teacher who taught in a detention center, I sympathize with you all and believe that too much work is unnecessary. I am old, so I am of the generation that believed in memorizing times tables, but I never worried much about "simple" mistakes on homework. I always looked for an understanding of the concept being taught. If they added or subtracted or multiplied wrong but knew what they were supposed to do, then I moved them on. 10 problems is plenty to see if the concept is understood, sometimes less.
I also allowed them to do the problems with the answers in the back of the book, so they could check each one as they went along. Obviously, this requires checking that they show their work on paper and not just copy the answer down from the back.
Secondly, REWARD your kids for getting their homework done as soon as possible. One M&M for every time they finish a problem. Or carrot sticks, or whatever works to motivate them. Bigger rewards for bigger projects.
Use a timer: set a reasonable time. If they finish early and the work is dome mostly correctly , then the rest of the time is playtime or game time or parent/child time.
In extreme circumstances, ask for a teachers addition of their textbook for yourself.
Homework buddies can help. Let kids work together over the phone but listen in so that it is true sharing of ideas and not just one person doing the work.
Older siblings helping out sometimes works. Reward both the older and the younger for successfully completing work.
Oh, and ask about the Pax Good Behavior Game training for elementary school teachers. It includes home resources for parents.
You are by no means a bad mom or stupid....though I know how you feel. I am sure most of us do. It's hard, it's frustrating and it is exhausting. IEP's and 504 Plans are huge in this process....however, DO NOT let them talk you into anything you are not comfortable with or act like they can't accommodate your son's needs. Also, don't let them get away with not following the plan or working it so it suites them best. We had this issue with one of my son's teachers the last two years. Luckily the administration recognized it and was extremely helpful in finding a more suitable class - but it was over a year and a lot of stress on our son and our family. For some reason we would get emails and calls from this teacher on behaviors and issues that other people would not have ever had to deal with nor would they have been issues. My son felt singled out and so did we. We had "that" kid...and you know what I do and I love him. He's amazing in so many ways, but it is not OK for a teacher or anyone to make our children or us feel less because we don't fit their mold. And don't get me started on the people who think ADHD is not real and that these kids are just undisciplined brats.
Middle School was the hardest for us. My son's middle school was not helpful or understanding to the point it was causing emotional issues for him. We ended up pulling him out of public school until HS. Not that that has been a cake walk, but it has been easier.
Homework, organization, time management....constant issues. My son will not keep a day planner or assignment book. He forgets books at school or at home. But we do what we can to make things easier. Instead of having him keep a binder for each class like others are required to, we have it in his 504 that he keeps a binder for each scheduled day (they have classes every other day on a "blue gold" day schedule) He does not keep much in his locker but is aloud to carry his backpack from class to class so he is less likely to forget something - school policy does not permit students to carry their bags in the halls between classes. I am in constant contact with his teachers and the school for both the positive and the negative. The HS has something they call a "supported study hall" where he can do his homework and get any help he needs that is supervised and graded on effort and participation. Unlike a traditional study hall where he is not required to do anything. We have also learned the signs that he is struggling or stressed. We also know that transition to school from vacation and so on is extremely hard for him and just know that for the first couple weeks (or months) it is going to be hard on us all.
However, I do not ever let him use his ADHD as an excuse to not do something or get away with something. Will we accommodate if needed, yes. Use it as a crutch, never. He needs to learn how to function in life and not hold himself back because he may struggle more than others. It is not easy, but I think he will be a better person for it.
Hugs to you...you got this.
Missing Scores and Not Handing in Homework
drowning
Teen son struggling with ADHD
Homework help.
