Morning struggle!!!

[Instamom]

Anyone else have trouble in the mornings with tasks, quickness to get ready, etc? 9-yr old stepson often days makes it best to impossible to get out the house without he and I crying, or me getting mad, or all of the above. He cries for nothing and goodness it’s hard to get him to stop. Anyone out there with similar struggles?

[marab88]

I feel your pain. We have the same issue with my 9-year daughter. One thing that helped for us was to get a dry erase board and create a list a morning tasks with a box next to each. Every time she completes a task, she gets to check off a box, which she really likes. It's helped to establish a routine too. Also, we have her get as much done as she can the night before (e.g. laying out clothes, packing her backpack, etc). Hang in there!!

[Alliea79 in reply to marab88]

I go through that with my 10-year-old daughter too. I’m afraid hormones don’t help. A routine obviously helps a lot. Picking clothes ahead of time also helps. A simple standard daily breakfast makes things easier so there are fewer choices to be made any given day. I find the fewer choices we have to deal with the better the morning goes. Best of luck,

[marab88 in reply to Alliea79]

Not looking forward to the hormonal part. I'm already going through that with my 12-year old and she doesn't have ADHD!!!!

[Grandma01]

This is my life. I'm helping raise my grandson. We have these battles every morning every time he wants something, every time he doesn't want to do something. There was a time when my daughter would yell at him and hit him. I had to put a stop to all that because we were getting nowhere. We were seeing the same thing every morning and still are. It's very very hard raising these kids. Although it hasn't" worked for us yet, try making a visual schedule or a simple rewards chart. you can find the Picture Exchange Communication (PECs). If your child is unable to read or just learning this might be effective. Try waking you child up a little earlier than usual, tickle or play him for a few minutes, this might change his attitude and get him going on the right track. There will be many a days that will make you yell and scream. Try not to yell, get a little louder than usual because he may not be hearing your usual calm voice.Is there any chance that someone else could help you get him ready. Maybe someone that could handle him or try a different approach.

[Cindy479]

I have the same struggle. My son is 11yrs old and every morning is a battle. I have to tell him put your shoes on, brush yout teeth, ect. He will not do it on his own. It does get overwhelming at times but I'm learning to be more patient with him.

[therealwendywms in reply to Cindy479]

Exact same with my 9 year old daughter. Oh she knows very well all the tasks that need doing but I have to urge her at every single one. She will go brush her hair...sits down and picks up ipad or at the tv. KT, don't stop go brush teeth...then it's ok keep moving, clothes on...another pause lol..shoes now dear! What gets me is...some days and even a week or so at a time she will willingly jump up and do everything just as smooth an timely as she should and others...hair-pulling time! I'll just keep on pushing the set routine and as time goes on and she matures "hopefully" it'll click! Good luck to all of you!

[Alibee78]

Every morning is a struggle with my 8 yo son. Our morning routine has been the same for three years and yet, every morning is a challenge. (Huge understatement). So I get to start my days with anger and frustration. I wish I had advice for you, as nothing I've tried has helped much with my son. I understand the stress you are dealing with- you are definitely not alone!

[Rebryan]

I’ll say first that even my friends who have kids that do not have adhd struggle to get out of the house without a fight so, please don’t be too hard on yourselves.

But, knowing our fights, it does feel like a daily struggle that, if gone, would leave everyone in a better place. I really hate starting the day like that! I’m sure my son doesn’t feel great about it either.

Two things that have helped us, no tv, phone, radio. Zero stimulus outside of us getting ready has greatly reduced our fights.

Secondly I have to remind myself regularly that this is my son communicating with us. He is stressed and anxious about how to get to school (or soccer practice or where’ve we are going) and he needs to take time to organize himself. It’s not easy when we are late and he’s decided at that moment that he needs to rearrange the books in his shelf....but I have tried at other times in the day to explain to him that it is not polite to make people wait or to be late. This seems to be helping a little but only as he gets older (he’s almost 10) does it seem to be actually sinking in.

It is hard, good luck!

[123boys]

We had this problem with my 6 1/2 year old son. We had difficulty all day long including the morning routine. What worked for us was creating a reward system with visuals into the routine. We no longer struggle in the morning. He knows he can’t get breakfast until he is dressed and teeth brushed. He has even started getting dressed for the next day the night before. It may not work for you but is worth a try.

Best of luck!

[Stmphappy]

Yes we have that here too some days. I set the oven timer for about 10 minutes before we have to leave so she can see the time remaining. Then when the timer goes off I set it for an additional 5 minutes. She knows the first timer gives her a buffer. She doesn't do transitions or quick changes well.

[Samone412]

We have been dealing with the same problem, however, my child is 5. We have implemented a picture/ time system. On the fridge we have a chart with daily routines. The night before I Taylor it to the next day. She has a certain time for each task. When the timer goes off she places a star next to the activity and looks to see what is next. It holds her accountable, but also gives her a sense of pride in completing daily tasks on her own. If the week has gone smoothly she gets a reward at the end of the week. If there is a day that does not go smoothly, we talk about it to create awareness and I have her problems solve or give me a way that she feels like she can accomplish her tasks better the next day. Often times it is accompanied by less computer or tablet time and having to channel her energy in other ways. I have also found, that keeping her in after school activities helps.

[Samone412]

Agree with Rebryan. We have no additional distractions. No TV, radio, etc. we do have conversations during breakfast or when I am doing her hair to prepare for the day.

[Brownstoner]

Yes!!! I have the same exact mornings! And I beat (mentally) myself up all day about how the morning went. And I worry if he’s able to even have a happy day at school !!! What I find that works is a lot of praise and assistance. But also giving the child small

Task that he can complete. Repeating instructions 2-3 times. Having breakfast already prepared. And of course having yourself completely already ready or if you R able to come back and get yourself ready after you hVe dropped him off to school. But the best advice is to stay calm and patient. Trust me I know it’s hard, esp when they just don’t listen or don’t complete the smallest task& your working against time. I have Bout 2-3 good mornings out of 5. It’s a work in progress!

[Brownstoner]

I’ve also tried a morning task chart. To give visuals of feasible task that need to be done in the morning . Ex: brush teeth, put shoes on, etc .

[ChaneyMom]

Same struggle with my 9 year old son. Most morning end up with both him and I very frustrated. We have tried a dry erase task list before and that helped for a while. I also think no t.v or screens helps him in the morning. I like some of the other suggestions on your reply’s. I think being more prepared the night before with backpack and shoes (and for my son - glasses) in the same place every morning will help a lot. And I think the wipe off list or check off list is something I need to revisit. Sometimes I will reward my son with his favorite breakfast (crepes) if he cooperates well. Good luck! 🍀

[Instamom]

Thanks everyone!! We’ve done charts for 2 years, he has his routine down , thank goodness, but is VERYYY SLOW and has the WORST attitude about everything. Rolls his eyes, ignores, slams things down, turns the other way..and the crying. When it starts it does not stop. 😓😓😓

[katejames]

I'm new to this site so my reply is late but OMG yes. At our house it's Groundhog Day every day. My son is 12 with ADHD so he takes a Vyvance before breakfast. Basically the school gets a functioning person but before the med gets in his system and then when it wears off in late afternoon we have same major focus issues Every Single Day. Its a horrible way to start a day. Lots of stress, yelling, frustration. My husband and I are nice, nice, nice, nice, nice and then we blow. Breakfast and supper are generally a nightmare if there are time constraints. He has to be constantly reminded to eat, put shoes on, brush teeth, and still we are late. No chart ever worked for us but I'm glad it has for some of you.

[Instamom in reply to katejames]

Have you seen any side effects with those meds? Mornings have been going better, but last few days have been near to impossible. You talk, he turns the other way against the wall, argh!!!!!!!! I'm glad we all have this forum to get help and at least have some people to chat to about it all.

[katejames in reply to Instamom]

I hate to say this and it sounds terrible even to me but God was playing a cruel joke when he gave me a child with ADHD. I'm bipolar and its gotten worse every year. Things a good parent would be proactive on I just haven't. He's had lots of problems and I'm just now getting on this site to try and get advice, tips, some understanding of what is normal and not. So to answer your question of side effects... I can't say really. Bipolar makes a person very selfish and introspective and I am just not a very "aware" person except to say he's been belligerent at times, terribly angry, frustrated, said he shouldn't have been born and that he needs to change everything about himself....heartbreaking things coming from a child. Then, on the flip side, he got a little higher dosage of vyvance and homework wasn't a 4 hour nightmare and he'd read nonstop, play with the dog, sing in the car sometimes, act like a regular kid. Some days are good. Most mornings and bedtimes aren't. I'm just not cognizant enough to track the ups and downs very good.