Log in
ADHD Parents Together
8,139 members2,571 posts

Morning Mayhem

I’m raging this morning. Mornings are always hard in my house. I have an 8yr old son with adhd and a 3yr old to get dressed, fed and out of the house to school. Sometimes my son is just super moody in the morning before his medicine and sometimes he’s manic. Today he was manic, lacking all self control. I yelled; he laughed. I get so frustrated on these types of days...because I feel like I have no control in my own home and no control over my own anger and frustration. How do you keep calm in these moments? He plays off the fact that he knows I’m unraveling. How do we have less crazy mornings?

20 Replies
oldestnewest

Morning are the hardest.. First off remind yourself tomorrow is another day if you were not successful with something you can change things to make them better and make sure you have had your coffee first. In my house, medication is first becuase it takes a while for that to kick In. I try to do as many things the night before to decrease the stress. Pick out the clothes, discuss breakfast to bridge all of that stuff so there are no surprises. We also have a cat that helps me wake up my son, nothing like love with 4 legs. I also keep things simple and reward if he does help with all the things he needs to do.

Hope this helps! Also take care of yourself when you get through a good morning.

Take care, it will get better, they grow up and mature or the problems change.

Best of luck!

5 likes
Reply

Thank you! I do need to do more things in advance and perhaps wake up a few minutes earlier to have my coffee and some peace before getting the kids up. I’m going to work on that.

1 like
Reply

I second getting as much done the night before as possible. I also set myself up for a good morning- coffee on a timer so it’s ready when I get downstairs, work clothes laid out, early bed time during the werk, etc. I’ve got 3 kids aged 4,6, and 8, so I know how hectic it can get- the difference when I adequately prep is amazing. It really sets the tone for the whole day. Good luck! There’s always tomorrow morning! ;)

2 likes
Reply

Our house used to be the same. Morning fights, moods, rush etc. About 2 weeks ago my son set up his alarm clock to 5:30( we normally get up at 6am) , and secretly tried to play his PS4 . Of course I discover that and then we made a deal- he can get up 5:45am, eat breakfast, do his “ morning list “ ( make bed, brush teeth, pick up clothes from the floor) and then he can play . He likes this idea- he’s motivated to do his chores, no wining, gets to play a little. I get to sleep longer, no fights.

Maybe a little reward system would work for you too? Make “ morning list”, if all achieved, daily weekly, there is a prize- something he REALLY likes. Otherwise it won’t work .

4 likes
Reply

That's a great idea! He'd love some extra time on his ipod. Thanks.

1 like
Reply

Pill first thing, a list for my daughter to check off (we have a dry erase board) and 1 point for getting the list done before its time to leave.

2 likes
Reply

Our mornings are the same. I have started getting up at 5:00 to have some peace and quiet before it gets crazy. At 6:00, I wake my son up and give him his pill and let him go back to sleep. His alarm goes off at 6:45; if he gets up, dressed and ready (including eating breakfast) and has time left before we leave at 7:30 I let him play on my phone. Most mornings it helps a lot. (His clothes are laid out in advance in his drawer, shirt, pants, socks and underwear - 5 piles for the week. It helps that he wears uniforms.)

3 likes
Reply

We had a similar problem with my now 7 year old son. We also did a reward system, which helped a lot. He also started getting dressed for the next day at bedtime.

2 likes
Reply

I think the earlier comments are great. To address the emotional aspect of things, I can totally empathize with how angry you felt this morning in terms of how your son played off of your feelings. Family members get to know on another really well and can trigger each other in huge ways. I'm not a morning person, so it's taken me a long time to get less triggered in the morning, but it comes with recognizing that my son is trying to push my buttons. I take deep breaths, count to ten, walk away, whatever it takes to stay calm in the moment. And yes, I start my caffiene early too in the form of a Diet Coke. :)

Good luck!

2 likes
Reply

My son is 10 and it was a nightmare most mornIng but now if he does everything is suppose to do . He gets to play in my phone after he is all ready to go and it works . I have learn that I have to motivate him with phone or point . Adhd children need reward lot of time to get things done . Good luck

2 likes
Reply

I was like the last year whit my 7 year old we still have some day like those but individual and family therapy help us aloth and it show us both ways to keep cool in those hard days

1 like
Reply

Also we got my son a cheap tablet from Wal-Mart a 100 and it help aloth he loves it it help when we have long road trip or Stuck in trafic. I always remind him to be good in school and patience when we ho out to eat and he will get it when he gets home

Reply

I think the thing that helped us the most was that I got up 15 min earlier, woke my son up and gave him his pill....then he went back to sleep for about 20 more minutes. This allowed the meds to get into his system and he was much better when he woke up. You could also let your 3 yr old wear his "day" clothes to bed the night before and save a step there. Or if your toddler goes to a sitter, would she dress him for you and he can just go in his pj's? My son went to a sitter before school and she fed him breakfast.

1 like
Reply

I also have an 8 year old with ADHD and a toddler age 3. To make my days less hectic I make sure to lay out everyone’s clothes including mine the night before. I make sure he picks out the shoes that he is going to wear the next day and that he leaves them next to clothes (so that we don’t waste anytime searching for them in the morning). I also pick up the dining room, kitchen and living room the night before. I never leave dishes in the sink the night before. It makes my day less stressful knowing that I don’t have to deal with kitchen clutter in the morning. In the mornings, I wake him up at 6:30 or 6:45 am and instruct him to take a shower so that he can wake up on his own. By 7 am he is expected to be fully dressed and downstairs in the kitchen. If he is downstairs and ready before 7 am he gets to watch cartoons with his breakfast. This is usually his favorite part because he is more motivated to rush downstairs to watch his cartoons. In regards to breakfast, I make it simple usually consisting of a fruit (a banana, strawberries or cut up cantaloupe) with a glass of milk and some mixed berry Greek yogurt. I give him his gummy multivitamins and ADHD pill either during or after breakfast because I need him to eat. At this time I also give the toddler his milk, fruit (banana or strawberries) and some Cheerios on his high chair. During the time that they are eating breakfast I go and get ready and have my coffee brewing. Granted I don’t do my makeup (I keep a stash of makeup in my car so that when I am at a stop light I at least do my eyes to look awake). By 7:15 am I have him brush his teeth and I style his hair for him (he is currently rocking a “guy bun”- which is just a quick pony tail). I let out the dog and back in and by 7:19 am we get in the car and I drop him off at 7:21-7:24 am at his bus stop and wait for the bus. Granted, by this time I have not done any of the beds and I did not pick up the kitchen but I know I will get to it when I get back home. I don’t stress about it because the most important thing is that my kids and I got ready and left the house fed and looking decent in time.

1 like
Reply

You have it down to the minute! Thanks for sharing. I definitely need to do more prep the night before and wake up earlier myself. I’m just usually so exhausted 😩

1 like
Reply

I find that structure/routine works best for my family. Granted some days he is too slow so I don’t fight him, I simply go in there and have to get him out of the shower, dry him off and put on his clothes for him as quickly as possible so that we can keep the schedule. My kid could care less for time so I try to pick my battles and the morning is definitely not when I want to be yelling at either of my kids. It just takes longer if I spend my mornings yelling at him. Sometimes I go in there and dress him just so that he goes downstairs to eat breakfast before he gets on that bus. Mom, pick your battles, stay calm and set up a routine. They will eventually catch up. Good luck.

1 like
Reply

Oh my gosh.....I can so relate! Our mornings are often so awful. All the ideas mentioned above are GREAT, and I hope to implement a few in our home. Yes, I see my children totally get worse as I get frustrated and angry. It makes them laugh at me, or causes the hyperactivity to increase. I do my best to STAY CALM. It's not easy. And I fail a lot in this. ADHD is sooo tough. But if I have any hope of regaining control of the situation, I must be calm. I'm currently trying to put together a good reward system that works.

1 like
Reply

Let me know what you come up with! I haven’t found anything that works yet.

Reply

My grandson War his school uniform to bed because it was so hard to get him to get it on in the morning. I get all the meds out the night before, wake up early so I can have my coffee first.

He loves SpongeBob so he gets to watch that while he eats breakfast and usually by then his medicine has kicked in.

1 like
Reply

Like many have suggested, we've also had success with morning lists & incentives.

Another thing that helped us a lot is analog clocks & analog timers. My 6 yo son w/ ADHD has no concept of time. Telling him to be ready in 20 mins means nothing to him. So I took a dry erase marker to an analog clock in his room & marked what time each part of the morning routine needed to be done by. If he is done on time, done correctly, without me pushing him, he gets to pick out his snack for school (he loves snacks). If he's done early, he also gets freetime during that extra time (and he LOVES his free time!)

Some mornings we still struggle a little, but nothing as bad as it was (like me yelling 'why does it take 45 mins to change underwear?')

1 like
Reply

You may also like...