ADHD impulsivity 😢

[TiredMommyOf2]

Hey everyone! New here... My 5 year old daughter was just recently diagnosed with ADHD impulsivity and I am at a complete lost 😢.

[trinitylynn53]

Because ADHD people have many qualities of uniqueness it's helpful to identify if you yourself have ADHD. It's highly likely that one or both parents do. For my family we all do. Many little things, like the way the toilet paper is put on, are brought up during family meetings. Include your kids in as much as possible. Find out where they would like the plates and cups and WHY? They should have a reasonable thought as to why it would help. With time they will get better at identifying and communicating what they need until then we have to investigate a lot. Communication is vital! Make it clear that these changes are for your family because you love them and it's your job to help them develop into the best people they can be and consistency is the best way to begin.

I always ask my family, if there's anything I could work on myself, while you're working on not hitting your sister so many times a day? Then give an honest effort.

There are so many simple things that make a big difference, we just have to find them. Communication is vital!

Never underestimate the sheer power of Routine, Stability, clear CONSISTENT Reward/Consequences systems. I found Sticker star charts work the BEST for your child's age! "When I see you walking in the house 3 times in a row you can..."

Also make sure you focus on the family as a whole, don't point this child out-ever, if at all possible. Don't make comments like "we need to do this to fix/help/change Jamie." Speak about changes being done for the family.

You're likely to want to make a lot of big changes but don't. Make a list of goals you for your family. Introduce one or two of the most important things first. If there is name calling to or from ANYONE in the home that would be at the top. Habits like this will not change without effort, consistency, and predictability for breaking rules. Consistency is of the utmost importance if we let it slide once it's going to be 20 times harder to change at the next go, again consistency is critical. Remember to be patient with yourself and your family, you are not a superhuman nor is your family.

Give lots of encouragement and Positive reinforcements! When our kids hear us say, "I seen you, I heard you" make a good choice, they glow with pride. "I SEEN you make a choice to walk away when your brother wouldn't stop tapping, that was a great choice, good job, how did that make you feel?" My kids are older now but if I caught them throwing something away. I told them about it, I made sure they would know it would be worth doing again. I still do this for everything and anything.

We began with ONE behavior, Impulse control in general, active listening and waiting our turn to talk, talking not yelling across the house. They would be three rooms away and yell "mom I need...", another one only talking when it's appropriate, keeping hands to only your things. Over 90% of our communication is NONverbal, use very little WORDS to remind and prompt them choose a neutral codeword (this also makes it fun to listen) like "blake cat" means "keep your hands to yourself, next time we are leaving and I will come back by myself, if I have to say it again, because I've already given you "nonverbal action) warning and you ARE CAPABLE to make better choices.

Trying giving two "yes" for every "no," I wont get you a candy bar, but you may have a kiwi and yogurt.'

Please keep in mind every family will have their own set of needs. Please put your energized, patience pants on mom!

After you have told your family the things you expect and how their part in it, In my family, this looked like, us in a store and my son jumping up and down like a spaz I use our "fire" cue only after I have given him a nonverbal "two claps" for him to stop. What works for one may not work for the other!

I hope I'm making sense. Try not to rant about things you are not addressing, this took me some practicing and I still haven't mastered it. Personally, when we do this, I feel like we are giving rules for things that haven't been taught yet, and then when we do get to that behavior, we have failed to follow through with clear consistent actions for years so the kids end up WAY further down the hill than they could have been, before they even get started. I don't know if it's true or not, but in my crazy head, it makes sense., I hope you understand what I'm trying to say! Just remember, you and your family will soon be able to focus on that thing soon.

I'm So sorry for writing a story. I hope it helps! "Healing ADD" by Brian something. is a great book.

[Kully in reply to trinitylynn53]

Thanks for your post! Treating ADHD as a family issue is such a great approach! I really like that idea. We try to have family meetings to discuss what will be happening during the week. I will start to incorporate some of your ideas!

[siebgal]

What are you most overwhelmed by? I know it's so hard at the beginning. We're here for support.