ADHD support

ADHD support

Hello my name is Angie and I have a 9 year old son who has ADHD and depression. It has been very hard, frustrating and difficult to deal with. It took me years to admit my son had a problem, one because of our race and how black people feel about admitting black kids havw ADHD. I have been told it's because his father is not in his life, but deep down I knew my son was not normal, he was unique and different. Second, because I guess I didn't want it to be true cause ibfelt it was my fault for the way I lived my life prior to me getting pregnant. Not that I was a drug addict or alcoholic, no I was diagnosed in my early twenties has being suicidal and depressed, but I was depressed way before that. I just didn't get diagnosed until I was in my twenties. That alone as a first time mom and single mom makes it has to except certain things. So now I have reach a point where I feel all alone in this battle and I have no one in my life that can relate to the things and challenges I face with my son. So I am looking for support from others like me so I don't loose my mind or explode because I am totally frustrated. So I hope to make some connections and hopefully someone on this site lives in my area so I can plan play dates or just someone to talk to when things get tough. Thanks for reading this and I hope to get the help and support I need. Thank you.

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22 Replies

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  • I hate that ppl think a child's behavior is a result of the way he's being raised or because of poor parenting. I wish ppl weren't so judgey! Feel your pain. Let it out. Lots of supportive people here. I got this doctor's name from this board: Dr. Russell Barkley. When you have time, check out his YouTube videos. He gets into the nitty gritty of ADHD and offers some useful tips for parents.

  • Ok. Thank you. It's even worse when ur own support can't understand either. Thanks so much. I will check him out.

  • Yep, who knew family/friends could be so cruel. You could pass along the videos to help them understand that there are some things he can't control.

  • I will definitely do it. Thanks again.

  • I feel you I feel like no one understands me my family don't even understand what I have to do so I can help my 8 year old ...if you need to talk I am here anytime

  • Thanks I really appreciate it. I have been crying for a week now because he's in a new school for forth grade and now I have to explain to them how to handle and deal with my son. I mean he has been lashing out lately and there are looking at him as if he is a bully. Which he is not. But since they are unaware of his condition it was hard to deal. Plus I exploded with he lashed out and hit a girl in the stomach because she touched his pencil. I lost it and i felt so bad. I never cried in front of my son before but I just didn't know how to handle it the right way. I was just at a list for words. For a min I forgot he had ADHD and then I really felt bad for yelling at my baby. So just to find this site and be able to tell my story and see that I am not alone makes things just that much better. Thank you so much.

  • I know how u feel the school looks at me a the bad person for the way my son acts out and because he is make all F but they just don't understand him

  • Ugh this makes me so upset. He should have an IEP and the ADHD directly correlated to the behavior it will protect him long term. It's a lot of work on your last being his adocsye irks can be hard if hun ever had one but he Schio have evajkiruok he may be able to get aide too.

  • What state are you in if i may ask does your son have a 504 or iep plan it’s a state law that if a child had either plan they can not be denied the fair chance at education at any school my daughter had a 504 plan hers is very simple every one is different but for instance they have 10 spelling words she gets 5 while everybody else get a lunch break an a 15 she is allowed 2 15 min breaks things like that

  • I live in Detroit, MI. Getting started on the 504 plan on Monday.

  • Hey great we are in Romulus I’m sure you will come to an agreement with the perfect one for your son you will be involved in ever intervention An can agree or disagree an it protects them from all the humorous amount of phone calls an suspension my daughter got a lot of

  • Yeah it's horrible to the shop as far as these the tensions are whatever they're talking about my son is in school till fifth grade he never had a detention or principal talk and as I wanted to move out the suburbs and the school is so nondiverse and so we Deculus he didn't even four months didn't put any of his IEP in place which is he's had it since he's four years old in pre-K and we're done 30 total and they started him off in middle school in a new area not by my choice with no IEP no solutions and now it's a mess but there's legal rights especially some point outline any medications or diagnosis ease with the behavior to protect him fired or hot your kids because I'll put down that they're able to have the skills to control the behavior and that's not of the case majority of the times yet it is that it's funny now but Azzy and zolar asked if I didn't have her so they get an of getting a kick out of the school and having to go to a special one special clothes don't have to except them private school or even worse and then when the kids end up in juvenile they wonder why.

    It's awful I just never seen anything like does it just mean you want to help people and help me on child more because it's heartbreaking that they have to live with this themselves and that the world time they're not gonna sorry not gonna be done to my son he's teaching about to get on there right now can we have another meeting on 16 December and you're allowed to bring your own you can actually get your own advocate lawyer a lot of support free if the school is not falling through and I EP a file 504 right

  • I am sooo glad i read your post. I am also a mom of a 9 y.o. black boy with special powers as we call it. No one understand his mood swings, anger, hitting, cussing, depression, bed wetting and lieing. Not his dad, grandma, school. Only his therapist who we see weekly. Even i dont but i am open to learning and committed to making sure my son is NOT a static. My son is very smart educational wise speaks like an adult but sometimes acts like a kindergartener and be cause of this the school expects way more than he is capable of giving in that moment. He is labled as the difficult kid at school, the bully, the agressive child were as his complaint of bullying goes ignored "he is the agressor, not allowed to defend hisself". And with staff i am mom who is demanding proper and fair treatment why they lable me everything from being a poor uninvolved parents to the mom if we call dpss on her for not giving med she will just go away. NOPE this fight isnt about me it's for him, they recommended a behavioral school during iep (after my filed state complaint) to come back 72 hours later saying there school is best for him. Needless to say still no IEP we are still fighting. But what is working: for my son taking daily med (he expressed meds help on meds he is yellow light off meds he is constantly green EXCELLERATED) he is the Ferrari, me listening to him , me stop yelling , me making sure he has school supplies to prevent any flare ups at school, and constantly asking how do you feel. Currently getting him in after school activities. Needless to say my world surround with LOVE around him and still parent my girls. This site helps tremendously we are in this together. Stay prayed up it is my only savior. I TRULY DREAD calls at work, or me having to get him from e.r. cause school tried to admit him, or me thinking he had a great day to pick up and be called to principal office for something that happened last week. uuugghhhh my sons school has threw the whole kitchen at me and i refuse to just go away.

    So my long rant is we are your support. I cried my 1st week of finding this site to know there are other moms going through this. I work 6 day a week to provide and have no support literally NONE! we go to therapy and some weeks i am more happy to see the therapist and we talk she has become my support. There isnt enough time in day for me to go to a group/session.

  • Omg! This sounds like my life with my 8yo son. I eventually had to file a complaint with the State Board of Education, thankfully they stepped in and demanded an IEP. We still struggle (a lot) but the supports do help. Your city or state should have a "Disability Rights" organization, reach out to them for help with school.

  • Thank you. Yes the rollercoaster ride has taught me alot. I filed a complaint (board of education of ca) after my letter of request for an iep last year went ignored after complaint found our the 1st day of school iep was completed 2 days prior to school ending last year. Spent summer worrying if they were gonna kick him out of school at the start of new school year. have had my 1st iep meeting( my son was full on suspended up until iep meeting after running into an adult) with a paid advocate to help (i was clueless) he advised the school was needed for the my son for the school to say he could not go to their school and gave 2 recommended schools both behavioral schools. THE problem is my son is points away from being labeled gifted academically and i knew a school that focused on behavioral only would not work. Ok so we went modified schedule in class half day basically chilling with principal the remainder school thought was best as he does he best work in morning. 72 hours after 1st meeting he can stay. 2nd iep meeting went by myself due to advocate schedule and school basically told me he horrible of a mom i was abd and needed to sign iep i left meeting advising i need to review. Reason i did not sign week prior school tried to have my son placed on a 5150 hold there restraining him escalate the situation. I get to e.r for e.r dr to be angry cause my son is calm and he wanted 2 know why school could not de escalate. So i loss work n 1 hour in e.r to go home a wasted trip. After leaving 2nd meeting the called my advocate threatening that i had to sign and they were going to sue me for not signing . He recommended an attorney who gave me great advice but i cant afford researched and after a month of back and forth found a disability group inwich i found out today is gonna take our case to proceed for due process...

    This is taught me to fight n keep fighting. I know some may wonder why not take him out this school it is a charter school and academically they are excellent. However the school dirty swept under the rug secret if you have any behavioral problems they do everything and i do mean everything to make you go away. I have spoken to a number of parents and there tactics are the same they label your child, in my case school therapist called his psychiatrist saying he is hearing voices ( he doesnt per 3 different evaluations by 3 different psych) i keep doing this to document cause its brought up they (school not md) believe he has more than adhd, threatened parents with calling pet team. So they harass you until you are worn down and you give up and take your child out of school. But i am a BELIEVER IN WHAT IS RIGHT. I visited a behavioral/gifted school and seen how things should go and what could be for my son its a private school but kids with more serious problems. Due to my visit i now know what to ask for and i did in his 2nd iep meeting: for non public school placement with transportation or the school to pay for an outside agency for a behavioral specialist and therapist. Key words out side some one not affiliated with school. And thats my current fight of course school rejected and stopped all communication regarding iep.

    This school is temporary until i hopefully homeschool for 4th grade my job will be transitioning home. If not than i now knoe whats available for him.

  • It is a struggle i went through similar issues my child was angry combative constantly picking on ppl An had very impulsive behavior after getting her diagnosed an startling medicine we had no problem getting a 504 plan in place the dr gave me a letter stating the diagnosis an treatment plan an the green light that there needed to be a 504 in place that’s what really protects them from unfair treatment an constant calls at Work i almost lost a job so i feel your pain prayers up for you

  • We all feel very loney at some point when it comes to a battle again adhd but is nice to have support and other adults that understands keep your head up this 2 should pass

  • It is not your fault. What state or city are you in?

    Does your son have an IEP in place at school. Also new law ADHD is now qualifies for IEP.

    Does he take any ADHD med?

    It makes a difference within 20-30 mine min .

    For mood low dose of ability 2mg

    Pls let me know if you want more knro

  • you are not alone . i have a 10 year old son. i understand what you mean about the black community. some people really believe that all you need is dicipline . the only reason your child is impulsive is that we dont keep them in check. maybe there's a small group or club in your area at school. my skns guidance counselor just started one a few weeks ago. tbis site is also a stress reliever. im not a single mom but i often have to handle situations alone. good luck in your journey

  • Hello,

    I have a 9yr old boy with ADHD as well. I am a black single mother. My son is very impulsive and a cryer. You have to be very brave and strong. You explode on him he will do the same to someone else. Keep pushing never give up and repeat the same things over and over. Let him know how you feel without yelling about his behavior. Becareful with the school. Listen to the staff but also listen to your child. Dont feel bad for not rewarding unpleasant behavior the child will learn from it.

  • I’m kinda in this pickle as well at her school for the past two years it was hell we just got a diagnosis in March of 2017 since then we have moved her new school is very different an structured the students have planners so they know what they are doing An can see it in writing but me most times i feel like I’m putting to much pressure on her to get all the things done she needs done she had no sense of time she forgets everything An it’s hell on me I’m just trying to find coping skills

  • I felt you all's pain! I have a 5 yo African American son and I went thru the same things with my son. I knew he was different from other children his age. He was very aggressive, hitting kids, pinching, running out of the classroom, he was put out of two daycares and suspended from Pre-K. I was so upset!! I prayed everyday about it, tried natural meds, changed his diet, essential oils and all but still I was getting called off my job which seemed like everyday to pick him up. My husband, who was an over the road truck driver, left his job to be home daily, that helped some but he still had issues. The school treated me like I was a bad mother, in my opinion, especially the principal. I finally took it to the school board and he was put in a smaller classroom and on a IEP which has helped some. They did test him and told me they feel he may have autism spectrum so he has been on respirdol and just started taking it. But I feel he still shows signs of ADHD due to his impulsevness. But just know that these times WILL NOT last always!! GOD is able and continue to pray for healing and stay encouraged, I know it's hard and you are not alone at all😀😀😀

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