Oppositional Defiant Teen Boy

[Corben7669]

Looking for any support or advice. My 13 year old son was diagnosed with ADHD at 8 years old. He was reevaluated last year due to continued behavior problems at school and his diagnosis was confirmed with a side of ODD. I'm at my wits end. Everything is an argument. All he does is antagonize his 10 year old sister. He has already been suspended twice. It's like he just refuses to follow rules and or respect authority and boundaries. I'm scared he will get expelled from school. Does anyone relate to this? Any advice? I just need some hope. TIA.

[bear240]

Hi

Have you read The Explosive Child by Dr Ross Greene? He also has a podcast , i'm sure others on the forum will have other suggestions for you.

[Corben7669 in reply to bear240]

I will! Thank you so much!

[JenL1977]

Our Son has been taking Risperidone and it helped immensely! O.D.D is terrifying for everyone in the home. Sending prayers of support 🙏 💕

[Corben7669 in reply to JenL1977]

Thank you for the reply. I will check in to that!

[Mmagusin]

I’m stating the obvious but don’t forget the hormones are kicking in. Did they put him on a stimulant? Stimulants can increase aggression. Are there other things happening in his life that could contribute?

[Corben7669 in reply to Mmagusin]

Thank you for the reply. That is a very good point. He has a pretty good life- nice home, good school system, married parents, stable routine. I try to talk to him about his friends and school and get shut down every time.

[Mmagusin in reply to Corben7669]

My son was diagnosed with ADHD at around 5 years old. Our big issue was ODD and impulsivity. He continues to have days even at 16 now. Carrot and stick discipline still works. If he’s disrespectful he loses gaming, phone, driving, etc depending on circumstances. It’s important to try to understand the behavior but also make sure he knows it’s not acceptable to be disrespected. Demonstrating calm behavior back is critical. ‘You’re yelling son, I’m not yelling, can you lower your tone with me and let’s talk?’ Don’t force conversation when he’s in a rage. My son’s ODD picked up and we discovered he started vaping! Of course this poison causes mood swings when added to his stimulant meds. Dig Momma!

[Corben7669 in reply to Mmagusin]

Thank you so much! This is great information. I'd do anything to help him!

[thisADHDmum1 in reply to Mmagusin]

Hello, We are in a very similar situation with our 13yo ADHD son. Any advice for rage outbursts mainly as a result of restrictions on devices?

[hudzyb]

dr. Russell Barkley has written several books (YOUR defiant child) on this subject. I’ve found his methods to be effective with my ODD and ADHD and amazing son. There’s another book geared to teens called THE defiant child by Douglas Riley. I think you’ll find your answers in these two books combined.

[Corben7669 in reply to hudzyb]

Great info! Thank you so much!

[LisethHIS]

Good day, Corben7669,

Thank you for contacting CHADD National Resource Center on ADHD. I understand that this situation can be tough. Is your son currently in therapy or receiving family therapy? Is he on medication for his ADHD? Here are some articles and podcasts that might offer useful insights and help you manage the situation better. chadd.org/attention-article... podcasts.chadd.org/e/behavi... and chadd.org/for-teens/adhd-in...

If there is anything else you need, please let me know.

Best Regards,

Liseth

Health Information Specialist

CHADD’s National Resource Center on ADHD

chadd.org

[Corben7669 in reply to LisethHIS]

Thank you so much! Yes, he is medicated and in therapy. I'm exhausting all books, podcasts, articles, etc. I appreciate your help very much!

[marinecyan]

It is exhausting and defeating to have a continuously defiant child. Many of us have been there, myself included.

All the books recommended by others are great. Since medication isn’t working, two alternatives to consider are (1) supplements and (2) Neurofeedback.

My son was hugely disregulated until he started nutritional lithium and a methylated B vitamin complex as well as omega-3s and probiotics. Dr. James Greenblatt’s book Finally Focused was a huge eye opener in helping me understand the critical importance of nutrition in ADHD and ODD. He also has a website if you just google the book and his name.

You may need a holistic or functional nutritionist to help you if you want to do testing on your son’s nutrition status. Full disclosure – I am a holistic nutritionist. I provide those services to families in California.

As for neurofeedback, it was traditionally something you had to go see a practitioner for, it was many sessions (~40 or so) and very expensive. You can now rent your own machine that is fully automated. (It’s not cheap, but gives you a lot more flexibility). Neurofeedback can be very effective in re-pathing the brain. Check out NeurOptimal although there are probably others.

[marinecyan]

It is exhausting and defeating to have a continuously defiant child. Many of us have been there, myself included.

All the books recommended by others are great. Since medication isn’t working, two alternatives to consider are (1) supplements and (2) Neurofeedback.

My son was hugely disregulated until he started nutritional lithium and a methylated B vitamin complex as well as omega-3s and probiotics. Dr. James Greenblatt’s book Finally Focused was a huge eye opener in helping me understand the critical importance of nutrition in ADHD and ODD. He also has a website if you just google the book and his name.

You may need a holistic or functional nutritionist to help you if you want to do testing on your son’s nutrition status. Full disclosure – I am a holistic nutritionist. I provide those services to families in California.

As for neurofeedback, it was traditionally something you had to go see a practitioner for, it was many sessions (~40 or so) and very expensive. You can now rent your own machine that is fully automated. (It’s not cheap, but gives you a lot more flexibility). Neurofeedback can be very effective in re-pathing the brain. Check out NeurOptimal although there are probably others.

[1985apple]

Hi! I feel for you Corben7669!! I am in basically the same situation as you. 12.5 yo boy with ADHD and ODD. Luckily I have a great partner in my husband and we are doing our best but a lot of the time I don't even want to go home because the arguments start immediately. He can be great fun when he is in a good mood but that is not often and pretty much everything (meaning just basic daily things like brushing teeth, getting out the door to school) is met with a no and an argument. He is on a stimulant medication but has refused therapy. We have had parent therapy and I think we know what to do but how do people manage the emotional and physical exhaustion?? I don't want to dread going home but I pretty much always do. I am a generally happy and upbeat person who does not seek out conflict but I feel like I am really being beaten down by this. Thank you!

[Corben7669 in reply to 1985apple]

It sounds like we are in the same situation. My son sucks the joy out of everything. I'm so sick with worry that he'll be kicked out of school. He is in therapy but doesn't take any accountability so I have little hope it will change anything.

[1985apple]

I’m so sorry! It is really so hard. Maybe we can each feel a little better knowing there are others in similar situations. Also maybe a counselor for ourselves might be helpful. 😞

[Corben7669 in reply to 1985apple]

Absolutely! I hate for anyone to be going through this but considering how isolating I think it is, it does help knowing we're not alone. Let's keep in touch and maybe we can share some ideas if we find anything helpful.