social skills: my son is 10. he was... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

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social skills

floydwhite profile image

my son is 10. he was diagnosed at 4. he takes medication a d does well academically. however he has no friends . im extremely worried. he is behind socially and has no sibings. adhd causes him to be very impulsive and insistent about his tboughts. he follows the rules and doesn't quite know how to let things go. i try to talk with him daily. he is almost a year younger than hos classmates. i try to help him understand how he annoys people with things he does. i wonder if anyone else has this problem

9 Replies

You are not alone! This sounds just like my 10 year old daughter. She is very smart and does well academically but has no friends. She spends a lot of time crying about not having friends and everything else! I have tried to work with her on social skills and have enlisted the help of the school counselor. I am not sure what else to do.

yes my son can be very emotional as well. im hoping to get some strategies in our upcoming therapy sessions.

Here's the thing. I understand that you're trying to be helpful by explaining to your kid what he's doing wrong, but it's his neurobiology that makes it hard for him to get along with other kids, not a few bad choices that he can easily change. Friends that he makes by watching every word out of his mouth, terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing once and losing them forever? Those are not friends. And in the meanwhile, he just feels like the isolation is all his fault.

Forget the kids at his school. Find a way for him to meet children who share his interests and passions, maybe other children who are neurodivergent. In time, he'll learn how to imitate "normal" social interaction well enough to get along with co-workers, and his real friends will be people like him.

Is there a local group near you. My daughter was in therapy and her therapist ran a group for kids with ADHD and it was great. My daughter was ok socially but when she realized she wasn't alone and wasn't "strange " ,as she called it, it was a game changer for her. She really beliedved she was very different then her friends so they wouldn't understand and was ashamed of herself. Now she is very open about her struggles, which also I think comes with age, and has a great group of friends. Sometimes knowing you are not alone is half the battle. I hope everything works out for you and your son. Good luck

floydwhite profile image
floydwhite in reply to Kmr0505

we just started therapy last week so i plan to ask this week about group therapy or support. i know that it would help

Add kids are one to two years behind their peers as it is and if he's a year younger than the kids in the class that puts him way behind. Back in kindergarten a teacher recommended Taekwondo for my grandson. I got him involved and he excels in it. Took classes 3 days a week and got along really well with the kids there. It made a big difference.

He has friends at school he hangs out with but he never has them over to the house. But that's okay. He does have a couple of friends in the neighborhood he hangs out with periodically. It doesn't seem to bother him and we don't make a big deal about it

floydwhite profile image
floydwhite in reply to anirush

thank you for tge suggestions we are involved in piano and boyscouts. we may consider tbe tae kwon do over the holidays

My daughter is the same shes younger than her classmates and is behind emotionally due to ADHD. Unfortunately this is common since our kids are so adamant and quick to explode and at this age others don't understand their lack of self control. I try to keep her busy after school a few days a week with sports and get together with her 1 good friend as much as possible on weekends.

I get it, it's heartbreaking to watch your child struggle to "fit in" and make friends. My daughter is 7 and she's just starting to realize that's she's different and the other kids don't like her. I'm sure you are assuring him of your unconditional love - just remember that you and his family help him to feel loved and normal and model good relationship skills now. He needs that practice for later. My daughter is seeing a therapist to work on this and her anxiety. You might try therapy for him so he can understand himself and have someone to ask question besides you. My daughter loves the extra attention. Also ask his teacher if there are one or two kids who are open to being his friend. Then invite one at a time over to your house for a play time. Try to have something they can do together but not fight over like lego building, slime or video games ready for them - something they both like. Bonding outside of school is good for building a real relationship.

Also, find something he really loves and is passionate about - even if it's odd. Then find a club or group that meets and take him. Computer coding, sports, animals, crafts, legos, there are lots of clubs and groups. If he is doing something he loves and feel good about doing that will build his self-esteem. Plus finding others who like the same thing will boost his confidence and he might make a friend that way. I read "Red Flags or Red Herrings? " by Susan Engel and this is one of her big pointers. She has some other good advice, too, but this is not an ADHD specific book just a book by a good child expert and parent.

Your right to be concerned and to try to help. If he can have even one or two friends it will make a big difference. Good luck!

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