I am the mother of two wonderful boy ages 7 and 8. My 8 year old has high functioning Autism and my 7 year old suffers from ADHD and ODD. I am at my wits end and looking for advice. My 7 yeah old has a very hard time with impulse control. He will sneak into the cupboards or fridge while everyone is asleep to steal ice cream and other things making a huge mess in the process. He lies about everything no matter how small, and has trouble focusing at school. He has massive melt downs when it's time to stop playing video games or watching shows on his phone. During these meltdowns he will hit, scream,cry, call me names, tell me he isn't going to receive any punishment because HE says so. Tell me I don't love him otherwise I would let him keep letting him do what he wants to do. Then if he doesn't get his way will hurt his brother. He will randomly hurt his friends then get confused as to why they don't want to hang out with him anymore. He is on medication, but it wears off by the end of the days. He destroys his toys and books when mad. I've tried a point system, sticker system, reward boxes, grounding, redirecting, and planned routine schedules. I've read copious amounts of books on the subject and even enrolled him in therapy, Nothing has worked. After all of this I am still helping my Autistic son. I am emotionally drained and want to cry almost everyday. My son is smart, and when he can focus does remarkable things. How do I do this????
Seeking help ASAP: I am the mother of... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...
Seeking help ASAP
I understand what u mean i cry literally everyday my 8 year old can't have friends at school he threats them when mad and calls them names he will walk out of class and roam the halls.i get calls everyday and cry and cry why this is happening. I feel like there's no break through u just can't giveup on them u got to let them know ur on there side and take timeto ur self to keep sane....
I have my own meltdowns. After I finally get my child calm and safe I take anti anxiety meds. I don't have time for self care since I am the mother of two boys suffering in different ways . I have to cook, clean, work, run errands, take and focus 100% attention on my children. I can't stay sane. I curle up in a ball and just cry
I know exactly what u mean I'm the say way I have a husband but doesn't really help much doesnt put enough support and effort into the challenges we face with my son I am also on an anti depressant I have anxiety I also havetwo little girls that are 3 and 4
So incredibly hard; I am so sorry. It sounds to me like one thing you are lacking at the moment is hope of improvement. I think there are no silver bullets that make it all good, but there are small things that together may build on each other and help give a little relief. First-- I am wondering if your son might benefit more from a different medication and/or dose. A child psychiatrist could advise on that-- there are a number of different meds out there, and they come in different formulations. Some are extended-release formulations and some are short-acting. Some kids are on a combination of both-- an extended release at one time of day with a short-acting booster later. (Note that I am not a doctor and not qualified to provide medical advice - I'm just repeating what my son's doctors have told me.) In terms of parenting, I have also tried to find specific ways to generate positive/good interactions with my kid. Some day it feels like all I'm doing is criticizing him and getting mad, and that makes both of us upset. So I try to find small opportunities for positive stuff to build on. My son, for instance, loves physical interaction and "tickle battles" on our bed in particular. He wraps himself up in "titanium armor" (i.e., a fuzzy blanket) and launches himself at me to get tickled. He asks for a tickle battle regularly. When he wanders around the house being physical to me-- playfully punching various parts of me, and it gets annoying, I have told him that I interpret that as a request for him to get kissed all over. This produces embarrassment on his part but also delight. He sometimes seems to feel awkward about asking for physical affection with words but if he can get it by play-punching, well... that seems to leave his dignity intact but gets him what he really wants. I have found that he also likes a back massage in bed before falling asleep. I got some massage cream and give him a rub-down. This is relaxing and quiet for both of us and is another moment of connection after what has sometimes been a difficult day. Anyway, your son will clearly have his own preferred ways of connecting, but I find that trying to cultivate the good moments is an important balance that helps counteract the emotional stress of dealing with the bad moments. I also suggest trying a little meditation-- for yourself, maybe 10 minutes a day--and for your kids (probably shorter to start with, perhaps only a couple of minutes). That can help.
I think you need to look into Pyroluria. I believe your 7 year old has symptoms of it. Mensah Medical is the most highly recommended group of doctors for treating this and other mental health issues with vitamins. This is a wonderful protocol to go along with medication and can possibly replace medication down the road. Our son had similar behavior problems until his treatment for Pyroluria at Mensah Medical. In our case, treatment was like magic--no more meltdowns, bad behavior, throwing things, hitting, telling me how awful I was, depression, low self-esteem, and if he ate dyes at school, suicidal thoughts. They also treat autistic kids. This and a GFCFDF diet made the difference for us taking our son from HFA diagnosis to ADHD. We are still working on the ADHD but I don't miss the emotional volatility, bad behavior, suicidality and meltdowns!! Worth looking into IMO!
Well I suggest to be firm and put him in a timeout and be firm with it. Get him evaluated again for an IEP. They will provide a Behavior Specialist...
Hope that helps..
Hi nawilliamsjr23. Can you expand on what you mean by being firm? What age(s) are your child(ren) and what have they been diagnosed with?
What I mean by firm is your voice needs to sound like u mean it!! And also it is a faith base because it says it in the scriptures of the Bible. In proverbs 22..
My children are 12 and 11 now and the 12 year old has ADHD full blown , Asperger a small dose, and SI Sensative Intergration.. He is on Focalin for his ADHD.. Is doing fine but u know it when the meds wear out!!!
I would also take away his favorite things till he straightens up!
I have tired time out and taking away his favorite things, it doesn't work. I have changed his meds 3 times. And we have discussed what would help him calm down when he has a meltdown. In the moment however it doesn't help. He is going to therapy and gets lots of physical contact and praise. I even started a reward system for good behavior. All of it has failed. I'm really stressed and can't handle how he acts. It makes me feel like a bad mother
You're not a bad mother. You're here and you're showing up for your son. Don't beat yourself up - this is hard. Do you have a CHADD support group or other ADHD support group you could join in your area?
No I haven't found a support group. I don't have any real time to even look for one.
You're not alone. My 7 yr old son does the same thing-he broke our glass cooktop when he was 3 because he would climb up to steal chocolate chips before anyone was awake, and day after day of standing on it finally caused it to crack. He has broken every chair in our dining room, ripped doors off the hinges, broken windows, punched/kicked/hit everyone in our family, threatened us, cursed at us, has explosive outbursts and it is HARD. Really, really hard.
It's important to know that your son is probably not a horrible kid, but ADHD does interfere with the decision making part of the brain-you know, the part that weighs "if I steal ice cream and make a big mess, I'll get in trouble and my family will be unhappy with me'. That probably isn't going through his mind, it's probably much closer to "Ice cream is good, I want some". Also, once confronted with it, the part of the brain that decides "I shouldn't lie-that will only create a bigger problem" isn't firing. Instead, it's in flight or fight mode; he probably feels remorseful but doesn't have adequate skills to resolve the problem. That's where we come in. In the face of anger and frustration, we have to disconnect from our emotions to deal with the situation. With our son, we've learned that we can only control ourselves, and we can create situations that help to avoid the big meltdowns.
I am sure you're getting some help with therapy, doctors and psychologists/psychiatrists, but understand that the journey you're on is very, very difficult. Reaching out to those of us that understand can be a huge sense of relief. Using structure, short earned visual rewards, managing your own emotions (that one's key for me and been the most helpful in terms of changing the climate in our home), making sure he gets plenty of rest, exercise, healthy foods and attention is also very important.
I created visual charts of what needed to happen before bed (we call it a snuggle chart) and now there is no more arguing or fighting-I point to the snuggle chart, if the boxes aren't checked off, he knows he can't have a story & snuggle. If it comes down to a power struggle, we're going to lose every time. When I put him in control of what happens next, it allows him the freedom to choose either a positive outcome or a negative one. Slowly he is making better choices.
One other strategy our therapist gave us that seems to be working is a 'calm down box'. He keeps it in his room, and is in control of when he uses it. It's meant to be used when he starts to feel agitated (before the full blown meltdown happens) and it has something inside of it for all 5 senses. A weighted, cozy blanket he can wrap around himself (touch) a lavender scented pillow (smell) a glitter jar (sight) headphones either with music or noise cancelling (hear) and some small snacks like fruit leather, goldfish, etc. (taste). This allows him to reset his emotions himself, take some time to utilize all of his senses and then start afresh. When we use countdown reminders (10 minute warning, 5 minute warning, 1 minute warning, etc.) in conjunction with the calm down box it seems to give him some tools to navigate through his big emotions, which in turn has been helpful in minimizing the blowouts.
You're doing the best you can, but it is so important to have support, self care and help-even in the form of an online group such as this. You can't pour anything from an empty pitcher, no matter how thirsty our kids might be. Take care of yourself, rest, reset and most of all, hang in there, we're all in this together!
The calm down box seems like a great idea, but most of my sons meltdowns are when we need to leave to go places. I just don't have the time for him to use that kind of a tool.
Perhaps offering one in the car, or preparing an activity to draw him away? We too struggle with getting our little guy to do what we want-changing it from a power struggle to one where we have 'special activities/toys' in the car that he may be interested might work?
i am both sad and relieved reading your post. Finally someone who is experiencing the same things as I am. My 10 yr old is ASD and ADHD and the impulsivity is completely out of control! I found my cell phone under his bed this morning! The only trigger I can find is the word NO. He is less mature than most kids his age and has a hard time keeping friends because he will steal or lie and ruin things. He will lie for no reason all day everyday.My heart breaks for him but his behaviors also have me on edge constantly. I too have read every book in the library and looked at every online forum.Our entire household is upside down. My husband feels responsible ( child is my stepson) my children avoid interaction as much as possible and things like family outings or vacations are out of the question right now. He takes meds daily and has been in behavioral therapy for 6 years.We still haven't found the answers but have made some progress. I hate that you are going through all of this especially with 2 kids with special needs. I've been trying to find a parent support group locally but no luck yet. If you need someone to bounce things off of, I am here. Unfortunately I'm pretty sure I've been through it all . Hang in there
Omg I know exactly what you mean about the phone thing! He has his own, but will steal mine every morning! I have to spend so much Extra time looking for it before we can leave for school. I'm sorry you're in the same boat. I haven't been able to find a support group either.
Also what I mean by firm is when u say ur going to do something u mean it and stick by it!! For example: I take my sons Legos away , which is his favorites, and " I say Legos in time out for a month because of a certain behavior"!! U keep them for a month period!! And they need to be hidden!!!!
U are still loving him!! Ur not a Friend u are a Parent!!
Never give up,be compassionate not just to them,to you doing all the hard work.Treat yourself to a self mindfull Day just for you to relax.Get a Mommy massage,get a date with yourself and play like they do, and have fun.Mothers have it amazing hard!.Treat yourself😊
Help! Need Advice on ADHD?ADD children
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Seeking Support for severe ADHD in 6yo
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Depressed, upset, frustrated, mom.
