Sweet, Sensitive, and Out of Control

[Hsrobbins]

Our son is 8 years old and was diagnosed with ADHD, High Functioning Autism, and fine motor deficits over the last year. He is sweet, smart, funny, quirky, and loving, but when he feels stupid, embarrassed, he melts down and throws things, hits, kicks, and destroys things. Yesterday he was suspended for a week from daycare for pushing over 2 wooden picnic tables, throwing chairs, pushing over a wooden bookshelf, and kicking a glass door so hard that the owner thought it might break and hurt himself and the other 50+ kids in the large room. When he found out he was suspended, he sobbed, "Everyone hates me and nobody wants me here", which of course broke my heart. The daycare has been so considerate over the last 3 years with his angry outbursts, and after calming down today, I realize that yesterday he made it impossible for them to keep everyone safe.

He currently take Aripiprazole, Guanfacine, and Methylphenidate ER to help him focus and control his emotional outbursts, and we have also put an IEP and BIP in place at school. I think he may get over stimulated in the large gym room with 50+ kids and noise, but I am trying to figure out what to do. He has learned many ways to try to calm himself, but forgets those tools in the "heat" of the moment.

My husband and I are feeling helpless and stressed out! We also struggle with out 4 year old son who so far has only showed symptoms of ADHD; I struggle with parenting him without comparing him to our older son and feeling as if he has much more capability than his brother and should handle things better. I have to remind myself to be patient and talk calmly to him as I have learned to do with our 8 year old. I love both of them so much and just yearn to be a good mom to them both, while parenting to their individual needs. I also have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since I was 16 and am really struggling to keep my emotional and mental health intact as well.

He has an appointment with his psychiatrist in a week, and I have faxed over his daycare behavior reports for her to review prior to our appointment, so that she will be able to offer some help with how to proceed. I am desperately trying to have things in place as much as possible before he starts the new school year in bout 3 weeks.

[Onthemove1971]

Hsrobbins- You sound like an amazing mom who really has a lot to deal with!. First off big hugs to yourself.. please believe that you are really doing your best and if your child has 1 or 8,000 out of control episodes you are still a great mom!

Please, please make sure you are taking care of yourself, you can't keep it together for your kids, family if you are not helping yourself.

Second, to be honest.. you make it sound like his out of control episodes only happens at certain times and under certain circumstances? So is he really out of control all the time, or does these experiences ( camp, vacation, etc) make it feel that way?

As far as the program that suspended him, is this a private program or part of pu io school? 1 week seems like a lot. Nothing was broken.. yes he was wrong, yes it was scary but how did they help the situation? Did their staff help remove him from that area? Also I question why this glass door is there? Not a good idea with kids around and if it broke kids could really get hurt.

One last thing, I know it must be hard but you really can't compare this child since he has so many more challanges to your other children. Each child really needs to be looked at to see what fits their needs, yes I agree a smaller program with better trained staff with less noise is most likely a better fit for this child. If you found that type of program I would imagine he would not struggle with behavior problems so much.

Hope this all makes sense and helps you in some way. We are here to support you when you need it.

Take care,

[EJsMom in reply to Onthemove1971]

Onthenmove1971, was it you who posted the story about planning to go to Italy, and ending up in Holland?

I loved that analogy!

[Hsrobbins in reply to EJsMom]

That wasn't me, but that is a great analogy.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to EJsMom]

That was me...

[EJsMom]

I’m sorry your son and all of you are going through this! I’m really glad to hear he has a psychiatrist.

I am writing to give you some support! I want you to know you’re not alone.

So many of us are struggling with you!

My son is now 14, but when he was in elementary school, he had many many outbursts like you describe! Especially when he felt embarrassed! Someone posted an article on here just a couple days ago, that spoke of how perceived rejection is such a large part of ADHD. (Or at least that was my take away)

I absolutely saw that personified in my son. If he even thought he might not be good at something or might lose a game or just that someone might not like him; he could have a meltdown!

He threw chairs and kicked tables. He said inappropriate things, all of it!

At one point in second grade my son had heard the word ‘rape’ in a television show. He didn’t know what it meant but of course started using the word at school because it got such a reaction. The school was ready to call child protective services and the police! His therapist went in and spoke with the school to help them understand. In my opinion, the schools and daycares, are not truly prepared to help kids with adhd and other similar issues. I do my best to work with the school and try to get my son the education he needs, within the framework they can provide. I support his teachers as much as possible from home. It’s such a journey.

I am so anxious about my son starting high school in just a few weeks.

I hope you take care of yourself!

[nurse_nelly in reply to EJsMom]

How was your son in middle school? My son has a terrible mouth (cursing) a lot since school got out. He is usually in a good mood but just has terrible language

[nurse_nelly]

It is so hard to deal with this kind of stuff. My son 12 1/2 diagnosed at age 4 was on the same meds your son is on now for 4 years. It quit working for him and grades started to slip. Then we tweaked it a bit and he became angry after the meds wore off. He is now taking ONLY 10 mg of regular Ritalin 2 times daily and CBD oil 2 times daily and it seems to be helping with angry outbursts....

[EJsMom in reply to nurse_nelly]

Middle school has been rough in different ways. Yes, my son has a terrible mouth! Ugh. His friends are the same way!

He mostly refused to do any work at school and failed everything. Breaks my heart. But his mood is good. He’s a pretty happy kid these days.

[Mmagusin]

Stay strong momma! You are your sons best and most important advocate. Managing these disorders requires constant adjustment as they grow and as situations change. Work to change things that are not working. 50 kid daycare would be a disaster for my son! I'd work hard to find a small daycare or go the nanny route. There are special needs nannies. Most schools and daycares have no clue how to manage these kids. They're hammers and every problem is a nail. I would also look at medicine mix. My so gets VERY aggressive when his focalin stimulant wears off. It's a rebound. Even so we do not tolerate aggression and we have found calm ways to defuse and redirect him. But I suspect the drugs are contributing.

[Hsrobbins]

We had to stop giving him Focalin because he was extremely aggressive and angry after the Focalin wore off. Thank goodness he has an appointment with his psychiatrist this Friday to discuss med changes.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to Hsrobbins]

Best of luck with the appt. clearly his medications are not right. Our doctor told us his % 60 of his behavior should be controlled by his medication and %40 by thearpy/ behavior intervention.

Best of luck.

Please update up on the changes and how it impacts his behavior, stay strong