For the past 2-3 years I've been feeling 'down'
When I was 15 was the worst as I did seriously concsider suicide and starved myself as a form of self-harm. I also went mute becuase I had forgotten how to hold a conversation and was terrified of being in friendship groups over about 2 people. All this was after systematic bullying from my freindship group of 4 years.
I got myself a better friendship group now and to some extent did get better but I still can't be with people too long before getting unhappy and panic if I'm with a group of people who all know each other well when I don't.
I also still have days when I can't hold a conversation and have to inflict minor pain (i.e. digging nails into palm) to stop myself crying at random points in the day. I've started self-starving and cutting again and enjoy it because it's something I'm doing but no one's noticed. My school work is going down the drain and at this rate I'll never get into the universities I want to because all I want to do is sleep, except I can't so I distract myself with reading/tv except I can't really focus on either for too long.
And sometimes I feel so down I get stomach pains and shortness of breath, like panic attacks and I just want it all to stop.
I don't want to die I just want to sleep and for it all to go away