i have been diagnosed with severe depression about 2 years ago (i was discharged from the military in my training because of this) battled with it for months finally managed to get another job, whilst i have been at this current job (about 13 months) i have been on many difference medications, sertraline, citalopram duloxetine and now on mirtazapine, mirtazapine for about 2 months, i was switched to this medication and days after overdosed on a concoction of tablets mirtazapine citalopram and various other things, i was taken to a and e and kept in i was in a really bad way.
i have been ok ish had several bad days, still have thoughts of hurting myself self worthlessness being a failure etc etc and i thought i was doing better as i was not acting on this, today at work i repeatedly hit my head of a brick wall (already scarred because i have done it before) and they panicked and literaly kicked me out the building, and for months in some form or another there has been bits of bullying (by management too) more than likely because of ignorance / failing to understand the situation and all this is making me worse now. i have gained lots of weight recently i mean a LOT my sleeping is totally horendous unhealthy thoughts too often etc
my question is what do i do now ? i have been seeing the gp for 2 years spoken to people at the hospitals intervention service bit, but i have 2 children, my other half is a great mum but i fear i am failing as a dad and i feel if i get refered to psychiatrists and such they will take the kids off me, which again makes me really bad, at the mnute my only real thing i find remotely theraputic is takking a realy long ride on my motorbike to clear my head, feel free but it is becoming increasingly difficult to do that now who and what do i need to see to help fix this ? i really really think it is not as straight forward as depression and there is something genuinely wrong with me i feel i have not been diagnosed properly and that is hindering me further, i live in oldham and i would be so grateful of any help / words
thankyou so much sorry it is long and probably not making much sense but not feeling too great at the mo, thankyou